Earlier this week, Donald Trump had dinner with Democratic leaders, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer, and agreed in principle not to demand funding for his border wall in a deal to re-legalize DACA participants. The response by many right wing Republicans was outrage so to cover his sizeable flank, Trump came out today to assure his base and Republican politicians that he is not backing off building his wall.
“Not only am I twice as committed to getting the billions from American taxpayers needed to build a massive border wall that Mexico will pay for, thanks to new building materials by this company, Emperor Technology, this Emperor’s New Wall will be the most magnificent, powerful wall ever built in the history of civilization, you’re not going to believe your eyes when you see it, believe me! And here’s the thing, it will only be seen by good people, winners. It will be totally invisible to losers, they won’t see a thing!” Trump explained.
“So we’ll all know who the losers are, the fake news media, Antifa, men who are wimps, women who no one likes and the absolute worst morons and losers, they’ll be the ones whining, ‘I don’t see a wall there! You lied, you failed, blah-blah-blah!’ But all the rest of you who aren’t losers and idiots, when you look at the border and someone asks you what you see, trust me, you’ll tell them you saw the most tremendous wall in the world!”
Trump went on to claim that construction is already underway on this conditionally invisible wall and that it is under budget and ahead of schedule.
“My Emperor’s New Wall will be completed faster than anyone could believe, trust me, you’ve never seen anything like it,” Trump boasted. “And the great thing about this material is that it can be used to make clothes too! The most magnificent, amazing clothes you could imagine! I’m getting a whole new wardrobe made from it and throwing away all my other clothes, that’s all I’m gonna wear from now on!”
In an unrelated move, citing their duty to the public welfare, most media outlets simultaneously announced that they would only be providing audio coverage of Trump’s future public appearances.