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AdLib On July - 18 - 2016

Melania SCOTUS

Preparing for her speech tonight at the Republican National Convention, Melania Trump is expected to announce that if Donald Trump wins the Presidency, she will be nominated by him to become an Associate Justice on the Supreme Court.

Melania was reticent at first to discuss this, since it was supposed to be a surprise but due to her apparent excitement at the prospect, she eventually opened up about it.

“When Donald first told me that he wanted me to be on his SCOTUS, I have to admit that I misunderstood and told him that I had a headache,” Melania explained while motioning for a servant to get on all fours and act as a human foot rest for her. “But once he explained to me that SCOTUS stands for ‘Supreme Court Of Trump’s Ultrahot Spouse’, I was very flattened. Or is it ‘flattered’?”

When asked what experience she has to be one of the nation’s top jurists, she first asked what a ‘jurist’ was then confidently stated she is well qualified. “I think that in the 10 years I’ve been an American, I’ve learned as much about law as Judge Judy…I mean, I’ve learned much about the law from watching Judge Judy. ‘Don’t pee on my leg when it’s raining,’ you see?” Melania smiled vacuously.

Melania continued, “And being right beside Donald as he’s filed so many lawsuits along with my spending a lot of time around so many judges…like the ones who decide Miss Universe, I know I’m ready to hit my little…what is it? Hammer? And declare that the dependents are ‘Guilded’ or ‘Not Guilded’.”

“Being a judge is about having good judgement, right? I’m a college dropout who made a great living from the most superficial aspect a human being could exploit and married a man almost twice my age for his money, a man now known as a racist, misogynist and emotionally on a par with a 10 year old bully. I think my judgement speaks for itself,” Melania boasted.

Melania says she knows there will be many who oppose her joining the Supreme Court but that it won’t impact her. “I know I will be a wonderful Supreme Court judge. I believe in predicting the Constitution, I have binge watched many Law and Orders and most of all, I look fantastic in a gown!”

Ruth Bader Ginsberg could not be reached for comment, Supreme Court clerks explained she admitted herself to George Washington University Hospital due to severe headaches from repeatedly pounding her head on a wall.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

12 Responses so far.

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  1. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!

  2. fjb says:

    AdLib, I was enjoying a very nice glass of wine. You ruined that for me. Now I have to go clean up.

  3. kesmarn says:

    LOL! I love it, AdLib!

    Well, it’s not as though Melania would be much different from Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court when it comes down to it. After all, he simply copied every opinion that his hero Scalia wrote.

    The trick will be to make sure that Melania sits next to Ruth Bader Ginsburg so that if she’s going to plagiarize (and we know she will) she can at least plagiarize the right stuff. Having another Notorious RBG on the Court can only be a good thing.

    I saw today that someone is speculating that the next Tweet that will come from Melania will be something like: “I realize that people in public life are going to be criticized, but I just want to protect the privacy of my two children, Sasha and Malia.”

    ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Kalima says:

    Well…. after the last 24 hours, she might be a roaring success, she could plagiarise all of Scalia’s decisions if she isn’t arrested by the fashion police for appalling fashion sense first. A trophy Stepford Wife.

    After having some steroid empowered male underwear model giving a meaningless speech claiming, “Obama really is a Muslim“, it is very fitting in the trump wonderland of “Dumb. Very dumb. Dumber than ever seen in any campaign in recent history”, to use the same words/sentences that the First Lady, his wife used in her speech in 2008. It just blends so perfectly with his “unbelievable” aging rock star entrance. Classless and oh so tacky. Pure kitsch.

    If delegates walking out, crazed speakers filled with frothing hate, and two former presidents plus the governor of the hosting state are no shows isn’t enough, Ms. trump’s meandering and copied speech should be the icing on the “farewell cake.”

    What a glorious, in deluxe colour, and well deserved f’up!!

    A few of the tweets on Michelle Obama’s Twitter page.

    “I’d steal Michelle Obama’s speech too if I was forced to think of nice things to say about being married to Donald Trump.”

    โ€œIf Michelle Obama begins her speech next week with “Ever since my childhood in Slovenia…” it would be the greatest thing ever…โ€

    โ€œI mean she could’ve started with copying Michelle Obama by marrying a decent human being with a brain and heart, but okay.โ€

    The Beatles -- “I’m a Loser” (BBC Radio, June 7, 1965)


    • AdLib says:

      Too funny, Kalima! Imagine, this woman who married Trump for his money, couldn’t pull off taking what belongs to somebody else for a change.

      How is it not clear that Trump can’t run anything competently? He has sabotaged the RNC convention from beginning to end, including having such hatred between him and Cruz that Cruz wouldn’t endorse him…which will be the big story of the night.


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