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javaz On November - 25 - 2009

TURKEYSweb

Thanksgiving can be a day of joyful family reunion or, a dreaded day of obligation that must be attended out of guilt.

Does Thanksgiving for you mean a warm home with the mouth-watering scents of spices from pumpkin pie, the herbs from stuffing and sweet Italian sausage emanating the air, and the family sitting around the fire watching football and reminsincing about good times from the past?

Or

Does Thanksgiving provoke feelings of fear from Uncle Alcott imbibing in a bit too much cheer and telling embarrassing tales about the time you got sick from grandma’s pudding and barfed all over the table, had a wee bit accident in your knickers, and sadly, that only happened three years ago?

Must you be forced to hear siblings success stories and grand fortunes, while looking at you and asking if you’ve found a job yet?

Do you suffer cousin Ned staggering to the table and grabbing the turkey by its legs from the platter while describing the date he had last week with a pretty coed?

Do you wonder when you sit down to eat, if this year, Grandma Hicks dropped the bird on the floor and let the slobbering hounds lick it again?

And what did Aunt Philomena put in her Jell-O mold? Is it supposed to be yellowish green and fuzzy?

What does Thanksgiving mean to you?

Categories: Humor, Society

Written by javaz

I am a retired aerospace engineer, happily married for over twenty-four years. My hobbies include blogging on PPOV, reading mystery/romance novels, playing guitar, learning the piano and writing. My husband and I love to travel in our camper/trailer, and have visited 45 states, besides having lived in France for 2 years and seeing most of Europe. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die." American Beauty "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." Mark Twain "A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar." Mark Twain

181 Responses so far.

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  1. choicelady says:

    I come from a segmentedly-dysfunctional family. My father was wonderful, my mother was plum nuts. However, she did GREAT holidays, and I always loved all those times. I now have a surrogate family who are terrific including a 3-year-old who is marvelous. This year she mashed the potatoes, all the while standing on a stool, appropriately grunting with the effort. VERY funny, and she did a great job. We had a very nice time together. I hope all her memories will be as good as mine. I also hope all of you had a grand T’giving, too. Happy holidays with NO worries. There are always Weight Watchers and bankruptcy court should you need them. Let the good times roll!

    • javaz says:

      Wonderful description of a 3 year old mashing potatoes and what a precious memory for you, your family and her!
      Including children in the preparation of meals, especially baking cookies and frosting them is always a great idea as the ‘work’ for children is actually fun and something they want to do!
      Children are so precious in how they actually want to be included in things, even the mundane, like dusting furniture or using a sweeper on the floor.
      Sort of a Tom Sawyer painting the fence moment, or was it Huckleberry Finn that did that?
      Those are the memories that children treasure forever.

      As for dysfunctional families, I wonder if all of us have dysfunction of some sort or another in our families.
      We all grow up, or I did at least, believing my family was the perfect family in Norman Rockwell paintings, and then I grew up and found out how wrong I was in my illusions or delusions.

      I try my best to forget the not-so-good-times and maintain those childlike memories of perfection, and honestly, the older I get, the easier it is to forget!

      Now, what did I have for breakfast this morning and where are my keys?

  2. bitohistory says:

    Kalima, How much room due you have in your house? The whole Planet my be moving.
    http://thinkprogress.org/2009/11/25/palin-president-florida/

    • Kalima says:

      I’m sure that we could find space for you but no more animals, we have enough. :)

      This story made me feel a little nauseous, I’ll be alright in a sec.

      Good night bitohistory, hope that you will have a restful night, see you tomorrow.

    • HITO says:

      Good night BITO. Happy Thanksgiving and sleep well.

  3. FeloniousMonk says:

    HITO: Multiple incomings. Hope I didn’t step out of line on this, but better me than you or (K).

  4. javaz says:

    Well, it’s time for me to go to bed, and yeah, it’s early in Arizona, but that’s what we do.
    We go to bed early, and read with the television on, or do other things . . .

    As most of us have plans for tomorrow, and might not be able to log on, I will wish you all a very good night and the best for a Thanksgiving holiday.

    Remember those we’ve all loved and lost in our lives, and give thanks that we have homes, and can eat great food, whereby so many throughout the world cannot.

    I give thanks for my husband, for he truly saved my life, and give thanks for people, past and present who I love and more, those whom love me.

    Oh and on a final note --
    GO LIONS!

    If any football team needs cheering on, it’s da LIONS!

    Good night and God bless, or for those who do not believe, may the stars shine on you and those you love!

    Sweet dreams to all.

    • SeeknDestroy says:

      Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, javaz..
      God bless you and yours as well..
      ~Seek~

    • bitohistory says:

      Sweet dreams girl, have a good ‘morrow. I’ll pull for the lions, unless it’s Da Bears.

    • FeloniousMonk says:

      Javaz: Show some local spirit. Support the Cards! Bidwell can choke on it but the city deserves the good fortune.

      Oh, shit, I forget the Suns are on now!

      • Khirad says:

        That’s right! If it ain’t the Hawks or the Cards, I don’t care who wins, unless it affects those two. Must admit I was one of those “instant” Cards fans the year before, though.

        Go Suns! I was just by the stadium Sunday. That’s only weird because I’m only an hour away, but I don’t really make it up there much. Handful times a year at most.

      • bitohistory says:

        monk, javaz and I don’t live near “the city”. We live in the “other AZ.”

        • FeloniousMonk says:

          Bito: I technically live outside “the city”. And north. Although some of “the city” extends to across the highway from us in order for Phx to get the income from the merchants.

          I thought you were to the south, javaz is in penal county (OK, it’s Pinal, but in AZ, you can never tell)

        • Khirad says:

          Oh, Lord. I’ve been in them parts. Wouldn’t happen to be represented by a nutjob repub, would you? LOL In AZ, the chances are good.

    • Khirad says:

      Poor thing, Lions fan. But, I don’t care about the Packers so why not root for the (eternal) underdog?

      And yeah it is early still, but you’re better at delineating your time than I am. This becomes an addictive habit and really cuts into my readin’ time.

      Night!

    • Kalima says:

      Good night javaz, take care and be safe.

    • HITO says:

      Goodnight Sweetie. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

      Smoooch!

  5. Kalima says:

    For javaz, getting bit crowded down below.

    “A piece of string walks into a bar.

    The barman asks, “Are you a piece of string?”

    “No”, it replies, “a frayed knot.”

  6. HITO says:

    My favorite holiday movie is “Home for the Holidays” directed by Jodi Foster and starring Holly Hunter, Robert Downey, Anne Bancroft, Chas. Durning and Geraldine Chaplin.

    I cry at the end when they revisit the airport runway scene as a young family every time. Downey’s role is wonderfully endearing. Dysfunction abounds…just like when I go to my parents.

    It’s a regular for me every year.

    • javaz says:

      Never seen it, but have it on my list now!

      Thanks!

      I love Robert Downey Jr from his portrayal as Charlie Chaplin.

      • HITO says:

        He is a great actor, whose personal habits got in his way tragically. I was glad he was the comeback kid for IronMan last year.

        And Bancroft, she is excellent in this.

        Actually all the actors are on fire. The family dynamics of acceptance of each other’s issues really hit home for me. But it is a comedy! I’m making it sound like a downer movie but it’s not in the least. Very funny.

  7. bitohistory says:

    Kalima, If you get a chance, read or listen to this? Is there truth to this story? Seemed bizarre to me.
    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120696816
    they call themselves “herbivores”? Fad? What?

    • Kalima says:

      Yes it seems to be true. One bright spark has suggested it’s because they don’t eat enough red meat. Personally I don’t see the connection.

      The cosmetic industry for men seems to almost be on par with the products for women on the market. I blame the women, I would never be with a man who spends more time looking in the mirror than I do.

      • bitohistory says:

        LOL, I stay away from mirrors, I have learned to comb my hair and beard in the dark. :-)

        • Kalima says:

          I should look in the mirror more often before I venture out to feed the outside cats I think. The times people have stared at me funny in the early morning and feeling annoyed returned to look and find my curly, early morning hair to be sticking out on one side and flat on the side I slept on, are too many.

          I still don’t check, too scary.

  8. javaz says:

    Anyone have a favorite Thanksgiving movie?

    Mine -- “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”

    Favorite scene -- When John Candy wakes up hugging Steve Martin

    “Pillows? Those aren’t pillows!”

    Also love the scene with the rental car at the airport --

    You lost my f’ing car, it was not in the f’ing space, and I had to walk down the f’ing . . .

    Well, you’re F’ed

    • kesmarn says:

      That is truly a classic, javaz. Have been a John Candy fan for years (loved Uncle Buck). Wish he were still around to do more great comedy.
      We had our Thanksgiving dinner tonight, since I have to work tomorrow. It seemed to go well. But I’m wiped out. Time to crash now, but I hope everyone has a wonderful day with family/friends/fellow Planetarians.

    • KQuark says:

      That’s my favorite too by far.

    • Kalima says:

      Don’t have Thanksgiving but Christmas it’s “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” loved John Candy, great loss, adore Steve.

  9. FeloniousMonk says:

    HITO: No, I wasn’t on much today other than my review of what went on at 2 AM. Then I had some other things I had to do, talked to (A) and ran out and did an errand in town and then talked to (A) again. Had midafternoon lunch at a cafe with internet connection and did 10 miutes worth of “work”. But you know who is going to be on my radar real heavy. Nasty creature, that one.

    • escribacat says:

      I was on for much of that. That is one sick puppy — transforming to Mr. Hyde Jr. before our very eyes. Talk about one person generating a lot of turmoil. Hito--I am sorry to hear that Dey decided to exit again. A number of us jumped to her defense when sick boy was going after her.

      • HITO says:

        Thanks for your assistance. I was sorry I fell asleep early last night. The direction it took was terrible, again. Hope Dey shows up tonight. Showing her friendship will be soothing to her. Only so much a soul can take.

      • FeloniousMonk says:

        I tried to tell her that, but she is so caught up in it and, like many of us, has her own fears and demons. As I said, I reviewed the occurences and found it apalling. Brownie dumped (or had taken from him) his other known sock a few minutes ago after a really pitiful wail to the world where he got taken to the woodshed by several others.

        • escribacat says:

          I noticed Lawliet appeared earlier and I just couldn’t stand any more of his bullshit so I left. I assume that’s who you mean? Lurching back and forth between apologizing/wailing for pity and vicious attacks — wow. A shrink’s dream case.

          Dey made an incredibly touching post last night. I was very impressed by it. It is too bad that an empty husk like AC was on the thread and pissed all over it.

          • FeloniousMonk says:

            Yes, that is precisely who I mean. And yes, he could be the research case for an entire class of psychiatric students and they’d still not get to the bottom of his behavior.

            GD piece of horseshit. I apologize to all horses and their feces for the comparison to him.

    • HITO says:

      Another incoming…was monitoring HHell. You’ll see.

      You mean the Pathetic Pariah? Yeah, I just posted that. He’s on the main.

      • javaz says:

        Ooh, you guys sound so intriguing or as Sister Sarah would say, so espionagy and that is just so darn mavericky! Yup, yup, commonsense conservatism, and keep the faith!
        ~wink~wink~ you betcha!

        • bitohistory says:

          and that also too. Jimmy cracked corn and “I don’t care” 😉

          • javaz says:

            We play guitar, much to the regret of our friends and family and neighbors, but one of the first songs I learned as a child was ‘Jimmy Crack Corn.”

            The very first song I ever learned after switching from steel string Hawaiian guitar was Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind”.

            Isn’t that something?

            Shows how old I am.

        • FeloniousMonk says:

          OK, Javaz, we’re discretely gossiping in public. We’re talking “dirty laundry” and the unfortunateness of it.

          Now I remember touring the east in the summer of 1972 (or was it 1973) looking for the right place to hang, but found myself around too many intellectual hippies. Sort of the types who identified with that most educated of psychodelic rock bands, the Airplane.


          • javaz says:

            I prefer to imagine you being all mavericky and espionagy!

            Love Grace Slick, is that her name?

            • FeloniousMonk says:

              You betcha, that’s Grace Slick all right. Look at that picture, then compare it to today’s where she looks more like somebody’s biker grandmother. I know someone who did sound for them at Berkeley. She is so small.

            • javaz says:

              No kidding.

              I think they had a reality show, and if my memory is correct, Barbra Bush loved them and Ozzie was at some speech Bush Jr gave and mentioned that, and Ozzie stood up all stoned looking, and Junior said enough and told him to sit down?

              Did that happen, or was that a dream?

            • FeloniousMonk says:

              Javaz: Ozzy’s daughter was the one performing, I think she started out as horrible and ended up placing 3rd in the finale. Imagine having Ozzy and Sharon Osborne for parents!

            • javaz says:

              OMG!

              Ozzie was on Dancing with the Stars?

              Never seen that show but know about it, and also knew that Tom DeLay was on that, but Ozzie?

            • FeloniousMonk says:

              Javaz: I always love the drawings showing Mick still belting them out from a wheelchair a decade or two from now. Of course, if you want bad, I was seeing Ozzy Osborne last night on “Dancing with the Stars” (My wife watches, I cringe) Now there is a demo for what not to do to your body and mind.

            • HITO says:

              Javaz, it’s all for the good of the nation we do what we must do.

              (wink)

            • javaz says:

              Well, my husband and I do that, too.

              Oh, look how old they look now, while we go into denial about looking the same or worse.

              That’s why Keith Richards is a great role model for us older folks.
              No matter how bad we look as we age, Keith looks worse, but he sure can still play a mean guitar!

      • FeloniousMonk says:

        HITO: I just tried to access that one and couldn’t. Also tried his profile and it was said to have been removed. (LL20) Is he off sulking again for having been such an arse or just hiding for fear of the consequences?

  10. Kalima says:

    Good afternoon/evening everyone.

    Javaz, your description of family gatherings made me giggle, thanks. I thought that I had escaped it by moving here but we have our own nightmare day here, it’s New Year’s Day.

    Oshogatsu starting from the morning of the 1st of Jan, is an excuse to drink, eat all day long, sing songs and generally make a fool of yourself.

    We leave the house after a glass of sake on an empty stomach and set out on a taxi journey of 30 minutes to the house of my mother-in-law/brother-in-law. The minute we arrive we are greeted and offered ozoni, a clear broth with a huge and sticky rice cake in the middle. By the time I’ve tried to chew it and then decide to just swallow chunks of this sticky rice square, I’m full. It sits in my stomach for hours, feeling heavy, making no room for even a sip of water.

    During the next hour family members, friends and the remnants of the people who work for us, meaning the ones who will stay in Tokyo instead of visiting with families living outside of Tokyo, will start to arrive. We move upstairs to a large tatami floored room, which is often either too cold or too warm and start to park ourselves around the 2 large, oblong tables.

    The tables are covered with dishes of food, the traditional Osechi, where everything looks so good but is deceiving because it is all very sweet. Sashimi, always just a few inches from my sensitive nose, can’t eat raw food, have an allergy. Sushi freshly made by my sister-in-law and then the usual plate of sliced ham, boiled eggs, tomatoes and broccoli for me.

    When the 20 odd people are all gathered around the table, my brother-in- law gives a toast for our New year with sake and then the morning begins. I have never seen a group of people having the stamina to literally eat and drink for over 5 hours almost nonstop. With my legs stuck out in front of me under one of the tables, I become uncomfortable after about 30 minutes, try to extract myself often to move around in the cold hallway of the second floor to bring my circulation back and slide under the table once again. When I was younger I used to drink as much as the others but feeling bad for 3 days after we returned, I’ve learned my lesson.

    Everyone gets a little louder, reddened faces are in a constant grin, eyelids droop and words are slurred but the booze is still being poured while my legs and back are getting stiffer, At 3:30 in the afternoon, I start the traditional pointing at my watch to my hubby, he does his traditional nodding and rolling of eyes, I’m always fooled by his enthusiasm to leave soon for the comfort of our own home, it never comes. My body feeling like a board I search the room for two people who can still stand on their own two legs and ask them to either order a small crane or pull me out from the position that I now seem frozen in and slowly make my way down the stairs to wait for hubby to emerge. After a few irate shouts from the bottom of the stairs, I usually find an able bodied person in the kitchen to tell hubby that if he wants to stay he can but that I’m leaving in about 20 minutes. Sometimes we leave together, he falls asleep in the taxi on the way home, often I leave him there for someone else to bring home.

    On my lonely return, our furry ones are hungry, I am greeted by irate little faces and swishing tails, both inside an out, Mommy instinct flares as I see to their needs. Crashing on the sofa, I throw my clothes on the floor, catch my breath before I change back into my well worn, comfy sweats, I’m home.

    I make myself a well deserved cocktail, grab the cordless phone and start my New Year’s international “Happy New Year” calls around the world. Hubby arrives an hour or so later, goes straight to bed, not to emerge until the following afternoon.

    For another year this performance is over, the slide into the New Year is slow for me, I dream of returning back to the days of champagne before midnight with close friends by my side, the luxury of getting up when I want to the next day, a life without human cranes or cramps…………………………………………
    Oops sorry, I was daydreaming again.

    • escribacat says:

      Wonderful story.

    • javaz says:

      Good morning, Kalima!

      Loved your story, but saddened that you cannot fully enjoy it and then suffer for 3 days after!

      Wait a minute, maybe you’re the smart one after all!

      Thanksgiving is not the only holiday that we Americans make fools of ourselves.
      We have a holiday practically every month of the year, some months two, and then really, every Friday night is PARTY night and then there’s Saturday and Sunday football.

      I can’t say that I miss that part of my youth, and my husband and I have slowed way down to a crawl when it comes to partying since it does take longer to recover.
      And when you start to get our age, we don’t want to miss any day and make ourselves feel sick.

      It’s wonderful as always to see you, Kalima, and I look forward to the day you find your notes and can tell us more about the Japanese culture.

      • Kalima says:

        When I was still on my feet, dinner with friends every week, later going to clubs and dancing nonstop until the early hours, taking off my heels and forgetting them as I left barefooted and walked to find a taxi in the fresh, moist early morning air, was something I loved to do. Any excuse for a knees up, I was a party girl and we did our share of clubs, opening parties, Embassy receptions or parties for which I left my shoes on, just to be polite. I miss it yes, but I’ve also lived it with no regrets. I’m content.

        I would have liked to visit more countries with hubby after he retires but traveling anywhere has become hard over the years, the long flight would trash me, making it hard to enjoy the time left. Maybe one day before I meet my maker, I can do it again, who knows what miracle treatment might be out there, until then, I have my fond memories and a truck load of photos, much more than some people might have had. I consider myself lucky.

        I will start the hunt for my notes javaz, I promise, I just have all these Christmas card to write first, always something. :)

    • KQuark says:

      Thanks for describing your experiences from a culture we think of as much different than ours because we have far more in common than we think.

      I’m sure times like the New Year are tough to be away from your roots but thank goodness for the multimedia age which make so many long range relationships possible.

    • bitohistory says:

      Good morning Kalima. What a good story. I had myself there for a while.

    • HITO says:

      Hi Kalima. That was so well written, I felt like I was there.

      You should send that into The New Yorker.

  11. HITO says:

    I’d like to share some humor. This is “Mr. Bean Wakes Up Christmas Morning”, about 3 minutes. There is a terrific scene towards the middle of a gigantic turkey that is funny.

    Hope you enjoy.


    • AdLib says:

      Hadn’t seen that one before, so funny, thanks!!!

    • Kalima says:

      We adore Mr. Bean. Thanks for my morning laugh, things are starting to improve all round.

    • escribacat says:

      LOL. Rowan Atkinson is one of my favorite comedians.

    • KQuark says:

      Cheers, I love Mr. Bean.

      • javaz says:

        Oh, I love Mr. Bean, too and wish I could watch that vid, and maybe someday we’ll get DSL lines up here.

        One of my favorite Mr. Bean skits was when he played a priest and was giving a monologue and kept picking up the communion hosts and dipping them in the wine and snacking on them.
        That was hilarious, and doubt that would go very well over here with all the Catholics, but it was hilarious, and my husband and I are Catholics!
        (lapsed Catholics, but Catholics nonetheless!)

        • HITO says:

          From one lapsed Catholic to another…that is hysterical. Bet the Vatican had a field day with that one. Bean’s BBC years were so much better than his American movie exploits.

      • HITO says:

        KQ, how did that window of the video get in there?

        I didn’t do it, did I?

        • KQuark says:

          Insert a “v” in between the “http” and “://” in the internet address after you cut and paste the link.

          • HITO says:

            Thanks, I will remember that.

            (Who did it for me? Adlib?)

            • FeloniousMonk says:

              Sorry to hear about the little social butterfly. Hope all is well. Talked to (A) several times today. Look at your last HITO entry from last night for new persona. There is one attached to (K) late entry also.

            • HITO says:

              Javaz, you cutey patootey…and so you should enjoy your indulgence in the Entertainment section.

              That’s the only reason I go over there now…entertainment of a different sort. Thoroughly enjoy messing around. Relevancy is not an option anymore. BTW, I also enjoy their hard hitting Ent news. Esp the photos of the celebs and it’s cheaper than People Mag subscription.

            • javaz says:

              No, no, no.

              One of these days you will tire as some of us have with the HP and all the bullhockey that happens there.

              I do still visit HP to read the articles, but you know the articles I read?

              Entertainment.

              That’s it.
              HP has the best entertainment articles and they are better than TMZ or anything else I’ve found on the net.
              Hey, shoot me.
              I do like reading about entertainment and actors and actresses and was particularly interested this week in the articles about that American Idol guy that did the gay kind of show on some award show.
              I really do not follow that kind of thing, but I enjoy reading the entertainment articles on HP to try to keep up and act like I’m hip, you know, I’m with it!

              Nellie listed other sites somewhere on PPOV but I prefer reading other left wing blogs that are actually left wing blogs for my news.
              I do read right wing blogs, too, just to see what they are saying, and really, there are some articles on those I actually agree with.
              Ut oh, I’ve gone too far!!!

              :)

            • HITO says:

              I KNEW IT!

              Chariot indeed.

              Glad you talked to her. She’ll be OK, Seek says she was using Sandy before. We’ll just have to make another for her to use.

              BTW, Socialbutterfly was created with a knowledge she wouldn’t last. She always did my dirty work. Glad I used her to post the planet wordpress addy. She died nobly. I can’t wait to run into the pariah…he’s still posting as lawliet.

              BTW, incoming..

  12. KQuark says:

    OK it’s not a turkey story but it’s a chicken story I love to tell, sort of an urban legend because I’m not totally sure if the story is true.

    The story is when the French aerospace engineers were testing prototypes of Airbus they asked aerospace engineer consultants from the US how to test the ballistic proof Plexiglas cockpit windows. Supposedly the US consultants told them to make a pneumatic cannon and fire dead chickens at the Plexiglas to see if the windows or seals break under the stress. Well the French were said to report back in panic saying that the chicken flew right through the window, decapitated the captains chair and became embedded in the back of the cockpit.

    With a huge chuckle an American aerospace consultant asked “did you thaw out the chicken?”

    Obviously they had not.

    • Kalima says:

      Silly joke.

      A cat hijacks a plane at Heathrow, threatens the pilot at gunpoint and says, “Take me to the Canaries.”

      • javaz says:

        Joke time!

        I’ve got one!

        Lifesavers are the hard candy sold in a roll and the candies have a hole in the center.
        Kids have always learned their colors and fruit, by the candies.
        Red was cherry, orange was orange, yellow was lemon and green was lime.

        So, one day the teacher decided to introduce a new flavor -- HONEY.

        She handed out the candies to the kids, and they couldn’t figure it out, so she said,
        “It’s something that your mommy says to your daddy at times.”

        One little girl’s eyes rounded in horror and she spit the candy out and said,
        “Oh no! They’re ass-holes!”

        pa-ta-dumb!

      • FeloniousMonk says:

        No, Kalima, that was cute. I find it hilarious how the “righteous right” wants to “clean things up” but if you give them really clean humor they groan like the rest of us and say it’s childish. There is nothing wrong with the humor of the child and wordplay.

        • Kalima says:

          Hi FM, I love silly Brit humour, here’s another one.

          “A father, passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up from the floor.
          Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. ‘Dear, Dad,” the letter said. “It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy says that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.

          Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

          Love, your son,

          Joshua

          P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table.”

          • HITO says:

            Ha! Too funny.

            (Please do not let my 17 year old daughter see this.)

            • javaz says:

              Oh Hito,
              You do know that your 17 year old daughter probably knows more about sex than you did at that age, and that’s as much as I’m going to say about that.

              When we had our daughter, I used to tell her if she did drugs, she better share!

              Then again, I was the step-mom, but kids.

              Remember the crap and the lies you told your parents, and how you thought you were outsmarting them?

              The good news is that when your daughter turns 23 or so, she’ll tell you all the things she did that you didn’t know about.

              LMAO

              Good times, but true, and I mean this, enjoy it.

            • Khirad says:

              Yeah, my parents were so on to me. Not like I was the most scrupulous at hiding it, either (pot, hallucinogens mostly -- easier to come by than alcohol when I was a minor! -- another great reason to legalize). I mean I’d be great (or so I thought) 80% of the time acting it cool, but eventually they caught on 90% of the time. They never had to worry about this awkward geek being a teenage dad though… and that’s all I’ll say about the teenage angst and hell that was high school.

            • javaz says:

              Sounds like your daughter has her head on straight and that’s a huge compliment to you and your husband!

              Good job!

            • HITO says:

              Javaz, believe it or not, my daughter is the conservative type when it comes to life. She’s a strong lib, but she was horrified at the age of 14 to hear I smoked pot as a teenager, and dog forbid, played with coke for a couple of months. She has a boyfriend in MD, they are each their “first loves” and she lives on IM with him every spare moment. Told her if he comes up here in the spring for her senior prom, I’d give her the money for him to stay at a hotel, then I winked. She said “really?” I said, “No parties, just the two of you for the night. It’s time. Don’t tell your father.”

              Yeah, her mom is an old hippie who believes in the unconventional most times. Have to learn to roll with life, not fight it.

            • FeloniousMonk says:

              Javaz, I remember Junior High and the ability to name off everyone who was having sex, and the list was maybe two handfuls, out of a class of several hundred. Today, it often seems as if the 14 years can more easily list those who aren’t having sex.

            • Kalima says:

              A joke fit for an 11 year old.

              “A vulture boards an aeroplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger”.

            • javaz says:

              Excellent!
              Very funny!

            • javaz says:

              Ah, LOL

              Love one-liners the best!

            • Kalima says:

              Last joke before I dash out to feed the refugees. When I told this on Huff about a year ago, some irate poster called me anti- feminist or was it a male chauvinist pig, either way it made no sense when I pointed out to her that I was a woman. Silly goose.

              “ELEVEN PEOPLE ON A ROPE
              Ten men and one woman are hanging on for grim life to a rope attached to the bottom of a helicopter.

              The rope isn’t strong enough to carry them all and they decide someone must jump before they all tumble to their death. Unable to vote on who should let go, the woman launches in to a very touching speech:

              “I’m used to giving up everything for my husband, kids and for men in general. We women always have and always will make sacrifices for men, expecting little or nothing in return. Faced with this knowledge, I’m prepared to voluntarily let go of the rope.”
              Visibly moved by the eloquence and power of her speech, all the men start clapping… “

          • FeloniousMonk says:

            OK, Kalima, this isn’t necessarily PC or non-PC, but it’s a cultural statement joke

            The Mexican had just came in stealthily by night into the western part of Texas. Hoping for a bite to eat, he sees this house with a light on and quietly comes up to the window, looks in and sees this Texan doing pushups most vigorously.

            Sensing that something was amiss, he quietly sticks his head in the window and says “Senor’, I think she’s gone!”

          • javaz says:

            LMAO!

            Am still laughing!

            Good one!

    • bitohistory says:

      KQ, really--laughing out loud. Turkey bowling with a cannon?

    • javaz says:

      LMAO!

      That is funny!!!!

  13. PatsyT says:

    Has anyone ever made Kosher Turkey ??
    That was a big surprise for me last year.
    Feathers and bits of feathers, all over the bird.
    Uhggg……
    I spent nearly two hours pulling them out with both pliers and tweezers.
    Dinner was late.

    • escribacat says:

      OMG. You actually had to pluck the whole thing? Yikes.

    • bitohistory says:

      Years ago, I had a small fruit/vege farm. We always raised chickens for eggs and meat. Plucking chickens really wasn’t that bad. You got all that you could get off the bird, then held it over a fire and scorched the pin feathers off. It was just a thing you did,like making jams, picking the fruit/veges, snapping peas….. You just tried to make it fun. Gotta eat.Do what it takes.

      • javaz says:

        Did you live on a commune?

        My husband did for a bit in Oregon and he has some great stories.

        • bitohistory says:

          Didn’t start out that way, ended up that way. Damn hippies! Kept flocking together. :-) A lot of good friends and fond memories.

          • javaz says:

            My husband was a real hippy.
            He had the long hair to the waist, did the protests against Vietnam, and the rest he’ll have to share when we meet.
            He truly has lived the true life of the 60’s and I love his stories.

            (he’s 6 years older than I am, and it’s a good thing that I am younger, because I probably wouldn’t be here now)

            • bitohistory says:

              Javaz,I may have met him already when i went out west in the 60’s. Who can tell? We all looked the same. “Damned long haired hippies.”

            • bitohistory says:

              Age and illness has changed me a great deal. some days I don’t’ recognize my own self. lol. I do have my beard back. I haven’t shaved in two years. One due to chemo, and one year after. In fact, today is one year from my last chemo treatment!

            • javaz says:

              Wouldn’t that be something?
              If when we meet, you guys look at each other and say “Hey! Didn’t we . . .”

              Oh, I would love that!

      • PatsyT says:

        Well if you have never done it before and that bird is wet and slippery…and cold!
        I tried to channel my inner grandmother no luck there.
        I did not know any method except to pluck so silly me, I learned the hard way.

    • HITO says:

      Hiya Patsy.

      When I used to make a turkey (gone to parents for the last 7 years) I always bought an Empire Kosher Turkey.

      Was always delicious and a fraction of the cost of today’s organic turkeys.

      Never had that many feathers though…couple on the wings.

      Two hours worth of plucking? Yikes!

      • javaz says:

        Hiya Hito!

        The most shocking culture shock for me when we lived in France, was seeing the poultry in the butcher shops with their heads, legs and feet attached!
        They were plucked clean, but sheesh, it was almost enough to turn me off chicken or turkey!

        • PatsyT says:

          Hito and Javez,
          That turkey gave me a backache that lasted weeks!

          I am the youngest daughter of the youngest daughter of a youngest daughter. My mother often told me about how her mom would go out to the chicken coop you would hear some ruckus and snap went the neck
          Aaahhh !!
          We are so removed from all that process.

          This year I asked the turkey dude at the Trader Joe’s
          About that feathered bird I had bought from them last year.
          He said- O yeah, some of them come like that, if you have feathers just put in in the oven on high for
          30 minutes and they will all stick out.
          Aaaahhh
          No thank you -- This year we are back to regular old organic.

          • HITO says:

            Don’t you love simplistic advice that grosses you out? LOL. I freak out a little bit if the stuff they leave in the cavity has identifiable parts. My parents would cook those nasty bits up to make stock for the stuffing, but me, I throw them right in the garbage with my eyes closed.

            Patsy, my sister lives at Trader Joes, wish I had one up here. She loves their house Chardonnay.

            Are you in NY or NJ?

          • javaz says:

            My mother grew up on a farm, and every year at Thanksgiving, we always heard the story about how they’d chop a chicken’s head off, and the headless body would run around the coop.

            Wow, it is amazing that I’m not a vegetarian and now I’m sorry for retelling that story because I pity them poor birds!

            My husband and I prefer to think the meat we buy at the grocery store in them packages are grown like potatoes or tomatoes and they pick them and they look just like they do in the package!

            Oh, and you should have heard the stories from my mom when they’d castrate the pigs and well, I’ll leave it at that.
            I could never live on a farm.
            Every single animal would be a pet!

            Yup, yup, they grown them chickens and hamburger and steaks on vines, or in the ground!
            :)

            • PatsyT says:

              What got me was my grandmother did it all herself, killed the bird, stripped the bird and cooked the bird. She was Swedish and a wonderful cook and baker, she worked in a bakery and that is how they keep food in the house during the great depression.

            • FeloniousMonk says:

              In the 1960s we ate Thanksgiving at my grandparents on the other side of town, and the poultry supplier was nearby, so truly fresh bird was always available. I’m pretty sure I still have the axe my grandfather dispatched them with.

        • HITO says:

          Hi Javaz…great post.

          Have been sitting here trying to think of something to put up on top. 50 years of Thanksgiving, you’d think I’d have many things to report. I’ll keep thinking.

          BTW, your husband’s stuffing sounds delicious. I can almost smell it.

          FYI, they gave Dey a hard time last night on HP and she self-aborted herself over there again. I spoke with her at length this morning, she’s ok. It’s amazing when the sheeple smell blood, they attack and attack until someone’s spirit is broken.

          Sad really. Told her to get her butt over here tonight where she’s still DEY, and still loved.

          • javaz says:

            Aw, I am so sorry to read that.
            That is absolutely ridiculous and just plain wrong for anyone to do that to her and it really goes beyond comprehension.
            I don’t know why people abuse and bully people, especially on the Internet under the guise of anonymous, but it is just plain wrong.
            She doesn’t need to tolerate any of it.
            It shows how small those attacking her are in their inability to forgive and forget, or if they can’t do that, then it shows their immaturity and cruelty that they just cannot ignore her instead of abusing her.
            She’s better than that, and she should hold her head high, and come over here!
            We might have a disagreement or two here, but sheesh, we apologize, forgive, forget and move on.
            That’s what adults do!
            Tell her to keep her head up and forget them over there because they are small people with small minds.
            I’m so sorry to read this, because I do know how badly things like that hurt.

            • HITO says:

              Hope you don’t mind, I just copied your sentiment and forwarded to Dey in an email.

              She’ll greatly appreciate your thoughts in this regard.

            • javaz says:

              Don’t mind at all.
              I like Dey, and remember when she fanned me on HP.
              She probably doesn’t remember me, but I remember her and always found her funny and nice!
              F’ them over there if they can’t take a joke and F’ ’em anyway even if they can.

    • javaz says:

      What does Kosher mean?

      Whatever it means, I doubt it means bits of feathers, or does it?

      I bet that turkey was really superb though, being fresh!

      • PatsyT says:

        Kosher is less processed, prepared in a cleaner environment, blessed by a Rabbi and higher grade of meat- Says my Jewish Husband. I have generally found it to be great for chicken and beef but last year that turkey was not in a see thru package so imagine my surprise when I opened it up and saw all of the feathers.
        It did turnout to be a great turkey but late, very late.

    • KQuark says:

      Dinner would be never in my house because my wife ain’t pluckin’ no turkey.

  14. bitohistory says:

    In the early 70’s (remember those) my roomie and I hosted a Thanks giving dinner. Instead of the standard turkey, I decided to roast Cornish hens. I adapted a recipe and made them

    • nellie says:

      What a great story. That’s what they get for shooting a wild goose on Thanksgiving!

    • KQuark says:

      I’ve felt your pain. My brother and sister-in-law gave my wife and I the worst food poisoning we’ve ever had by far. It was one of those cases when I saw they left out the meat too long but did not say anything.

    • javaz says:

      Oh my!!!

      That is funny, but bet it wasn’t at the time!

      I remember the 60’s and 70’s but it’s the 80’s that elude me and part of the 90’s!


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