TURKEYSweb

Thanksgiving can be a day of joyful family reunion or, a dreaded day of obligation that must be attended out of guilt.

Does Thanksgiving for you mean a warm home with the mouth-watering scents of spices from pumpkin pie, the herbs from stuffing and sweet Italian sausage emanating the air, and the family sitting around the fire watching football and reminsincing about good times from the past?

Or

Does Thanksgiving provoke feelings of fear from Uncle Alcott imbibing in a bit too much cheer and telling embarrassing tales about the time you got sick from grandma’s pudding and barfed all over the table, had a wee bit accident in your knickers, and sadly, that only happened three years ago?

Must you be forced to hear siblings success stories and grand fortunes, while looking at you and asking if you’ve found a job yet?

Do you suffer cousin Ned staggering to the table and grabbing the turkey by its legs from the platter while describing the date he had last week with a pretty coed?

Do you wonder when you sit down to eat, if this year, Grandma Hicks dropped the bird on the floor and let the slobbering hounds lick it again?

And what did Aunt Philomena put in her Jell-O mold? Is it supposed to be yellowish green and fuzzy?

What does Thanksgiving mean to you?

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I am a retired aerospace engineer, happily married for over twenty-four years. My hobbies include blogging on PPOV, reading mystery/romance novels, playing guitar, learning the piano and writing. My husband and I love to travel in our camper/trailer, and have visited 45 states, besides having lived in France for 2 years and seeing most of Europe. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die." American Beauty "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." Mark Twain "A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar." Mark Twain

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choicelady
Member

I come from a segmentedly-dysfunctional family. My father was wonderful, my mother was plum nuts. However, she did GREAT holidays, and I always loved all those times. I now have a surrogate family who are terrific including a 3-year-old who is marvelous. This year she mashed the potatoes, all the while standing on a stool, appropriately grunting with the effort. VERY funny, and she did a great job. We had a very nice time together. I hope all her memories will be as good as mine. I also hope all of you had a grand T’giving, too. Happy holidays with NO worries. There are always Weight Watchers and bankruptcy court should you need them. Let the good times roll!

bito
Member

Kalima, How much room due you have in your house? The whole Planet my be moving.
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/11/25/palin-president-florida/

Kalima
Admin

I’m sure that we could find space for you but no more animals, we have enough. 🙂

This story made me feel a little nauseous, I’ll be alright in a sec.

Good night bitohistory, hope that you will have a restful night, see you tomorrow.

HITO
Member
HITO

Good night BITO. Happy Thanksgiving and sleep well.

Corgi Lover
Guest

HITO: Multiple incomings. Hope I didn’t step out of line on this, but better me than you or (K).

HITO
Member
HITO

You da Man! (I’m ascared.)

Corgi Lover
Guest

I restrained myself. Believe me, I did!

HITO
Member
HITO

If I got that, I’d close down that email account and hide under the bed for two days.

Nice!

Corgi Lover
Guest

We can only hope he decides to chose that path. If he doesn’t, he’s still going to be a tad bit paranoid if he shows his pinhead back at HP anytime soon.

As I’ve said before, i’m still just a kind and gentle soul who wants to lead people unto the path of righteousness, even if I’ve got to take their head off to do so.

SeeknDestroy
Member
SeeknDestroy

Way to Seek and Destroy FM.(smile)You rock….

BTW…Hello everyone…

HITO
Member
HITO

Hi Seek.

BRB, going to look.

Corgi Lover
Guest

HITO: I left one of the “T”s out of your address!

HITO
Member
HITO

Got it.

That email addy is confusing for a reason.

Corgi Lover
Guest

HITO, if you didn’t get the BCC, I hope (K) did. If he didn’t, I need to know and will just cut and paste a copy of it to you.

SeeknDestroy
Member
SeeknDestroy

Hi sweetheart…

Kalima
Admin

For javaz, getting bit crowded down below.

“A piece of string walks into a bar.

The barman asks, “Are you a piece of string?”

“No”, it replies, “a frayed knot.”

Khirad
Member

The great thing about those is that you laugh, are almost embarrassed you laughed, and then laugh at yourself for laughing.

Kalima
Admin

Oh I don’t know, I’m as daft as a brush sometimes. 🙂

HITO
Member
HITO

My favorite holiday movie is “Home for the Holidays” directed by Jodi Foster and starring Holly Hunter, Robert Downey, Anne Bancroft, Chas. Durning and Geraldine Chaplin.

I cry at the end when they revisit the airport runway scene as a young family every time. Downey’s role is wonderfully endearing. Dysfunction abounds…just like when I go to my parents.

It’s a regular for me every year.

bito
Member

Kalima, If you get a chance, read or listen to this? Is there truth to this story? Seemed bizarre to me.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120696816
they call themselves “herbivores”? Fad? What?

Kalima
Admin

Yes it seems to be true. One bright spark has suggested it’s because they don’t eat enough red meat. Personally I don’t see the connection.

The cosmetic industry for men seems to almost be on par with the products for women on the market. I blame the women, I would never be with a man who spends more time looking in the mirror than I do.

bito
Member

LOL, I stay away from mirrors, I have learned to comb my hair and beard in the dark. 🙂

Kalima
Admin

I should look in the mirror more often before I venture out to feed the outside cats I think. The times people have stared at me funny in the early morning and feeling annoyed returned to look and find my curly, early morning hair to be sticking out on one side and flat on the side I slept on, are too many.

I still don’t check, too scary.

Corgi Lover
Guest

HITO: No, I wasn’t on much today other than my review of what went on at 2 AM. Then I had some other things I had to do, talked to (A) and ran out and did an errand in town and then talked to (A) again. Had midafternoon lunch at a cafe with internet connection and did 10 miutes worth of “work”. But you know who is going to be on my radar real heavy. Nasty creature, that one.

escribacat
Member

I was on for much of that. That is one sick puppy — transforming to Mr. Hyde Jr. before our very eyes. Talk about one person generating a lot of turmoil. Hito–I am sorry to hear that Dey decided to exit again. A number of us jumped to her defense when sick boy was going after her.

HITO
Member
HITO

Thanks for your assistance. I was sorry I fell asleep early last night. The direction it took was terrible, again. Hope Dey shows up tonight. Showing her friendship will be soothing to her. Only so much a soul can take.

Corgi Lover
Guest

Incoming. Also, what do you think of the potential avatar?

HITO
Member
HITO

incoming, and one of them is a real beauty.

Corgi Lover
Guest

I tried to tell her that, but she is so caught up in it and, like many of us, has her own fears and demons. As I said, I reviewed the occurences and found it apalling. Brownie dumped (or had taken from him) his other known sock a few minutes ago after a really pitiful wail to the world where he got taken to the woodshed by several others.

escribacat
Member

I noticed Lawliet appeared earlier and I just couldn’t stand any more of his bullshit so I left. I assume that’s who you mean? Lurching back and forth between apologizing/wailing for pity and vicious attacks — wow. A shrink’s dream case.

Dey made an incredibly touching post last night. I was very impressed by it. It is too bad that an empty husk like AC was on the thread and pissed all over it.

Corgi Lover
Guest

Yes, that is precisely who I mean. And yes, he could be the research case for an entire class of psychiatric students and they’d still not get to the bottom of his behavior.

GD piece of horseshit. I apologize to all horses and their feces for the comparison to him.

HITO
Member
HITO

Another incoming…was monitoring HHell. You’ll see.

You mean the Pathetic Pariah? Yeah, I just posted that. He’s on the main.

Corgi Lover
Guest

HITO: I just tried to access that one and couldn’t. Also tried his profile and it was said to have been removed. (LL20) Is he off sulking again for having been such an arse or just hiding for fear of the consequences?

Kalima
Admin

Good afternoon/evening everyone.

Javaz, your description of family gatherings made me giggle, thanks. I thought that I had escaped it by moving here but we have our own nightmare day here, it’s New Year’s Day.

Oshogatsu starting from the morning of the 1st of Jan, is an excuse to drink, eat all day long, sing songs and generally make a fool of yourself.

We leave the house after a glass of sake on an empty stomach and set out on a taxi journey of 30 minutes to the house of my mother-in-law/brother-in-law. The minute we arrive we are greeted and offered ozoni, a clear broth with a huge and sticky rice cake in the middle. By the time I’ve tried to chew it and then decide to just swallow chunks of this sticky rice square, I’m full. It sits in my stomach for hours, feeling heavy, making no room for even a sip of water.

During the next hour family members, friends and the remnants of the people who work for us, meaning the ones who will stay in Tokyo instead of visiting with families living outside of Tokyo, will start to arrive. We move upstairs to a large tatami floored room, which is often either too cold or too warm and start to park ourselves around the 2 large, oblong tables.

The tables are covered with dishes of food, the traditional Osechi, where everything looks so good but is deceiving because it is all very sweet. Sashimi, always just a few inches from my sensitive nose, can’t eat raw food, have an allergy. Sushi freshly made by my sister-in-law and then the usual plate of sliced ham, boiled eggs, tomatoes and broccoli for me.

When the 20 odd people are all gathered around the table, my brother-in- law gives a toast for our New year with sake and then the morning begins. I have never seen a group of people having the stamina to literally eat and drink for over 5 hours almost nonstop. With my legs stuck out in front of me under one of the tables, I become uncomfortable after about 30 minutes, try to extract myself often to move around in the cold hallway of the second floor to bring my circulation back and slide under the table once again. When I was younger I used to drink as much as the others but feeling bad for 3 days after we returned, I’ve learned my lesson.

Everyone gets a little louder, reddened faces are in a constant grin, eyelids droop and words are slurred but the booze is still being poured while my legs and back are getting stiffer, At 3:30 in the afternoon, I start the traditional pointing at my watch to my hubby, he does his traditional nodding and rolling of eyes, I’m always fooled by his enthusiasm to leave soon for the comfort of our own home, it never comes. My body feeling like a board I search the room for two people who can still stand on their own two legs and ask them to either order a small crane or pull me out from the position that I now seem frozen in and slowly make my way down the stairs to wait for hubby to emerge. After a few irate shouts from the bottom of the stairs, I usually find an able bodied person in the kitchen to tell hubby that if he wants to stay he can but that I’m leaving in about 20 minutes. Sometimes we leave together, he falls asleep in the taxi on the way home, often I leave him there for someone else to bring home.

On my lonely return, our furry ones are hungry, I am greeted by irate little faces and swishing tails, both inside an out, Mommy instinct flares as I see to their needs. Crashing on the sofa, I throw my clothes on the floor, catch my breath before I change back into my well worn, comfy sweats, I’m home.

I make myself a well deserved cocktail, grab the cordless phone and start my New Year’s international “Happy New Year” calls around the world. Hubby arrives an hour or so later, goes straight to bed, not to emerge until the following afternoon.

For another year this performance is over, the slide into the New Year is slow for me, I dream of returning back to the days of champagne before midnight with close friends by my side, the luxury of getting up when I want to the next day, a life without human cranes or cramps…………………………………………
Oops sorry, I was daydreaming again.

escribacat
Member

Wonderful story.

KQµårk 死神
Member

Thanks for describing your experiences from a culture we think of as much different than ours because we have far more in common than we think.

I’m sure times like the New Year are tough to be away from your roots but thank goodness for the multimedia age which make so many long range relationships possible.

Kalima
Admin

KQ, all being well, when you get your mike, you are on my international calling list.

bito
Member

Good morning Kalima. What a good story. I had myself there for a while.

Kalima
Admin

Good afternoon bitohistory, you are most welcome to take my place. 🙂

HITO
Member
HITO

Hi Kalima. That was so well written, I felt like I was there.

You should send that into The New Yorker.

Kalima
Admin

LOL thanks Hito, I’ve just made myself shiver thinking about the next one.

HITO
Member
HITO

I’d like to share some humor. This is “Mr. Bean Wakes Up Christmas Morning”, about 3 minutes. There is a terrific scene towards the middle of a gigantic turkey that is funny.

Hope you enjoy.

AdLib
Admin

Hadn’t seen that one before, so funny, thanks!!!

Kalima
Admin

We adore Mr. Bean. Thanks for my morning laugh, things are starting to improve all round.

escribacat
Member

LOL. Rowan Atkinson is one of my favorite comedians.

KQµårk 死神
Member

Cheers, I love Mr. Bean.

HITO
Member
HITO

KQ, how did that window of the video get in there?

I didn’t do it, did I?

KQµårk 死神
Member

Insert a “v” in between the “http” and “://” in the internet address after you cut and paste the link.

HITO
Member
HITO

Thanks, I will remember that.

(Who did it for me? Adlib?)

Corgi Lover
Guest

Sorry to hear about the little social butterfly. Hope all is well. Talked to (A) several times today. Look at your last HITO entry from last night for new persona. There is one attached to (K) late entry also.

HITO
Member
HITO

Javaz, you cutey patootey…and so you should enjoy your indulgence in the Entertainment section.

That’s the only reason I go over there now…entertainment of a different sort. Thoroughly enjoy messing around. Relevancy is not an option anymore. BTW, I also enjoy their hard hitting Ent news. Esp the photos of the celebs and it’s cheaper than People Mag subscription.

HITO
Member
HITO

I KNEW IT!

Chariot indeed.

Glad you talked to her. She’ll be OK, Seek says she was using Sandy before. We’ll just have to make another for her to use.

BTW, Socialbutterfly was created with a knowledge she wouldn’t last. She always did my dirty work. Glad I used her to post the planet wordpress addy. She died nobly. I can’t wait to run into the pariah…he’s still posting as lawliet.

BTW, incoming..

KQµårk 死神
Member

OK it’s not a turkey story but it’s a chicken story I love to tell, sort of an urban legend because I’m not totally sure if the story is true.

The story is when the French aerospace engineers were testing prototypes of Airbus they asked aerospace engineer consultants from the US how to test the ballistic proof Plexiglas cockpit windows. Supposedly the US consultants told them to make a pneumatic cannon and fire dead chickens at the Plexiglas to see if the windows or seals break under the stress. Well the French were said to report back in panic saying that the chicken flew right through the window, decapitated the captains chair and became embedded in the back of the cockpit.

With a huge chuckle an American aerospace consultant asked “did you thaw out the chicken?”

Obviously they had not.

Kalima
Admin

Silly joke.

A cat hijacks a plane at Heathrow, threatens the pilot at gunpoint and says, “Take me to the Canaries.”

Corgi Lover
Guest

No, Kalima, that was cute. I find it hilarious how the “righteous right” wants to “clean things up” but if you give them really clean humor they groan like the rest of us and say it’s childish. There is nothing wrong with the humor of the child and wordplay.

Kalima
Admin

Hi FM, I love silly Brit humour, here’s another one.

“A father, passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up from the floor.
Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. ‘Dear, Dad,” the letter said. “It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy says that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better.

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son,

Joshua

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table.”

HITO
Member
HITO

Ha! Too funny.

(Please do not let my 17 year old daughter see this.)

Kalima
Admin

A joke fit for an 11 year old.

“A vulture boards an aeroplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger”.

Kalima
Admin

Last joke before I dash out to feed the refugees. When I told this on Huff about a year ago, some irate poster called me anti- feminist or was it a male chauvinist pig, either way it made no sense when I pointed out to her that I was a woman. Silly goose.

“ELEVEN PEOPLE ON A ROPE
Ten men and one woman are hanging on for grim life to a rope attached to the bottom of a helicopter.

The rope isn’t strong enough to carry them all and they decide someone must jump before they all tumble to their death. Unable to vote on who should let go, the woman launches in to a very touching speech:

“I’m used to giving up everything for my husband, kids and for men in general. We women always have and always will make sacrifices for men, expecting little or nothing in return. Faced with this knowledge, I’m prepared to voluntarily let go of the rope.”
Visibly moved by the eloquence and power of her speech, all the men start clapping… “

Corgi Lover
Guest

OK, Kalima, this isn’t necessarily PC or non-PC, but it’s a cultural statement joke

The Mexican had just came in stealthily by night into the western part of Texas. Hoping for a bite to eat, he sees this house with a light on and quietly comes up to the window, looks in and sees this Texan doing pushups most vigorously.

Sensing that something was amiss, he quietly sticks his head in the window and says “Senor’, I think she’s gone!”

Kalima
Admin

LOL that so funny because it’s true.

bito
Member

KQ, really–laughing out loud. Turkey bowling with a cannon?

PatsyT
Member

Has anyone ever made Kosher Turkey ??
That was a big surprise for me last year.
Feathers and bits of feathers, all over the bird.
Uhggg……
I spent nearly two hours pulling them out with both pliers and tweezers.
Dinner was late.

escribacat
Member

OMG. You actually had to pluck the whole thing? Yikes.

PatsyT
Member

I would not do well in the wilderness.

bito
Member

Years ago, I had a small fruit/vege farm. We always raised chickens for eggs and meat. Plucking chickens really wasn’t that bad. You got all that you could get off the bird, then held it over a fire and scorched the pin feathers off. It was just a thing you did,like making jams, picking the fruit/veges, snapping peas….. You just tried to make it fun. Gotta eat.Do what it takes.

PatsyT
Member

Well if you have never done it before and that bird is wet and slippery…and cold!
I tried to channel my inner grandmother no luck there.
I did not know any method except to pluck so silly me, I learned the hard way.

HITO
Member
HITO

Hiya Patsy.

When I used to make a turkey (gone to parents for the last 7 years) I always bought an Empire Kosher Turkey.

Was always delicious and a fraction of the cost of today’s organic turkeys.

Never had that many feathers though…couple on the wings.

Two hours worth of plucking? Yikes!

KQµårk 死神
Member

Dinner would be never in my house because my wife ain’t pluckin’ no turkey.

bito
Member

In the early 70’s (remember those) my roomie and I hosted a Thanks giving dinner. Instead of the standard turkey, I decided to roast Cornish hens. I adapted a recipe and made them

nellie
Member

What a great story. That’s what they get for shooting a wild goose on Thanksgiving!

KQµårk 死神
Member

I’ve felt your pain. My brother and sister-in-law gave my wife and I the worst food poisoning we’ve ever had by far. It was one of those cases when I saw they left out the meat too long but did not say anything.

Mogamboguru
Member

Just one short remark on Thanksgiving, before I am out for the night (got a bad headache).

In case you ever wondered, why the american turkey looks so unwieldy: The american Turkey http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turkey_%28bird%29 is, in fact, a far-flung relative of the Turkey Vulture http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turkey_Vulture. 😎

Enjoy your Thanksgiving-“scavenging a scavenger”! :-))

nellie
Member

Nice try but, no no no!

The turkey is a relative of the grouse.