Eschewing any attempt at presenting facts that defend Trump from the charges against him in the Articles of Impeachment, the cadre of lawyers representing Donald Trump in The Senate impeachment hearing have wrapped their arguments with a novel approach, borrowing the most absurd defenses from high profile murder cases.
Pat Cipollone began by using the Dan White “Twinkie Defense”, saying, “My. Trump had the equivalent of 137 Big Gulps of Diet Coke during the week when all of this allegedly began. He was so intoxicated by the excess of caffeine and aspartame, he is not responsible for his actions. If anyone is guilty of extorting Ukraine to receive false and damaging charges against Joe Biden in order to win re-election, it is The Coca Cola Company!”
Jay Sekulow followed by using the Ethan Couch “affluenza” defense, claiming that Donald Trump, through no fault of his own, doesn’t know right from wrong because he was raised in a household that was too wealthy, where denying black people the right to live in housing was explained to him as being good…”if you’re a Nazi”. Sekulow argued, “Mr. Trump sees himself as being a good Nazi, not a bad person so he can’t be held responsible for his actions or his brown shirt.”
Ken Starr was an exception, apparently confused by the proceedings and his inability to cover it all up like a sexual assault at a college, began wagging his finger at himself and attacked his own the credibility and judgment, “You’ve got it all wrong, you can’t impeach a president for abuse of power…are you talking back to me? From 1998? Really? Don’t tell me what to do. Frankly, I know you are but what am I?”
Pam Bondi, noted hobbyist at bribery and generous supporter of phony universities, did her part by using the Sandie Craddock defense that PMS had caused Trump to not be in control of his faculties when he committed the alleged act. “Some people may ask how Mr. Trump could suffer from PMS even though he doesn’t menstruate…but that’s why there’s a ‘p’ in it, it stands for ‘pre’ which means ‘prior to menstruating’ and since Mr. Trump never menstruates, he is always in a PMS state.”
Of course, the lawyer who always keeps his underpants on when a 13-year-old girl massages him, Alan Dershowitz, reached around to his glory days of helping criminals get off, and used the O.J. Simpson case strategy, offering Johnny Cochran’s famous, “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit” defense. Dershowitz, adjusting his underwear, updated it to, “If the bribery doesn’t work, you can’t convict the jerk.” Dershowitz went on to suggest that it may have been Columbia drug dealers who actually tried to bribe Ukraine to smear Biden and that Mr. Trump suspects that the real perpetrator was a lying con man with a lot of money so he has been spending a great deal of time at golf courses to “find the real extorter”.
Upon Trump’s defense team wrapping their “clips episode” strategy, Republican Senators burst out in applause and cheered their performance, waving Diet Cokes, wads of cash and bloody gloves as they held their Bic lighters aloft. Calls for “Encore” echoed through the Senate chamber and Senator Lindsey Graham pulled up his shirt and asked for their autographs on his chest.
After the celebratory display ended and Trump’s legal team was carried out on the shoulders of Republican Senators, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts removed his blindfold and earplugs before shrugging and shuffling out of the chamber.
If trump’s legal team didn’t know for sure they had the 100% backing of republicans, they would have actually had to put on a real case. They didn’t because they didn’t have to, and they knew they didn’t have to.
I know this is far-fetched, but my hope is that when we restore the rule of law by electing a Democratic president and a Democratic Congress, we can finally hold trump accountable for crimes he has committed, as well as his accomplishes, including members of Congress who helped to cover-up his crimes.
Mueller’s actions as well as those of the SDNY have guarded against the lapse of the statute of limitation for trump’s crimes, so there is no doubt that he will eventually be tried, convicted and imprisoned. Members of Congress may think they can escape punishment because they can claim they were simply discharging their legislative responsibilities. However, if evidence supports that they were involved in an actual conspiracy to cover-up trump’s crimes, I believe they too can be convicted.
Yes, it will be the first time in our history that these things will have been done, but trumpism has brought about many things that have happened for the first time. It is the responsibility of those who honor the rule of law to not allow them to happen again. We know trump will push further, simply because he only allowed twenty-four hours to pass between the time he initially escaped responsibility for conspiring with Putin to steal the 2016 election, and when he shook down Zelensky. I guarantee you trump will continue to commit crimes. That is what criminals do.
I don’t think it’s far fetched at all to believe that Dems will take over unitary power in Congress and vote to make changes to prevent the kind of corruption we’ve seen under Trump. I can see that and restoring the rule of law and our institutions.
What is hard to imagine is criminally pursuing members of Congress even though they have broken their oaths and given aid and comfort directly to America’s adversaries. I think Dems in Congress would worry that pursuing other Congresspeople would look vindictive and like political prosecutions, setting up Repubs to do the same for unjust reasons in the future.
Another reason I don’t think a Dem AG would criminally prosecute Trump and his criminal gang…though I could see the State of NY doing that.
Trump has trailed in all polls I’ve seen against the top Dem nominees, his approval ratings have ever reached even 50% and are now closer to 38%. Even with all the cheating he plans on doing, he is the odds on loser in November. And rallying people who are the majority and believe in democracy, should put a nail in his political coffin.
My concern if nothing is done to those who helped trump to cover up his crimes is that it will become normal to do that as part of the legislative function of Congress. To me there is clear and convincing evidence that House and Senate republicans conspired with the White House to cover up his crimes and cloak it as normal legislative business.
For example Devin Nunes’s chief of staff met with Parnas,
https://www.thedailybeast.com/lev-parnas-claims-he-met-devin-nunes-several-times-he-knows-who-i-am
Ron Johnson has spoken to trump about the hold on security assistance for Ukraine.
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-impeachment-inquiry/gop-senator-says-diplomat-told-him-trump-was-withholding-aid-n1062706
Lindsey Graham had first hand knowledge of what Giuliani was doing related to the hold on security assistance for Ukraine.
https://www.newsweek.com/lindsey-graham-loop-information-bidens-ukraine-lev-parnas-claims-1484836
TOCB, I was for impeaching Bush. I was for impeaching Trump while Nancy Pelosi and a majority of Dems opposed it. I’m absolutely for pressing criminal charges against Trump, Pence, Mulvaney, Giuliani, Barr, Pompeo, Perry and Moscow Mitch whose hands are so dirty with Russian collaboration and payoffs.
What I was laying out is what I think the Dems in Congress and even in the WH and DoJ may think because, like Mueller, too many establishment politicians show deference to institutions instead of justice and principles.
I agree with you, the wrongs perpetrated here against the American people and the Constitution require criminal prosecutions to make a loud and unquestionable statement that you don’t abuse power like this, ever.
I do think Giuliani will go down with a Dem president and getting rid of Barr’s puppets in the DoJ. I think NY state will take down Trump and his family, at least civilly but hopefully criminally. Unfortunately, I think Barr, Pompeo, Pence and the other criminals will get away with their crimes. But the statement has to be made that this is still a nation of laws and nobody is above the law.
And many corrupt Repubs in Congress should be hauled away in handcuffs, Moscow Mitch, Devin Nunes, etc.
First things first though, we need to nominate then elect the best Dem we can. Then the hammers need to fall on the criminals and the laws that will prevent them from running wild need to be instituted.
I recognize that the majority of Americans probably don’t share my skepticism of whether trump was legally elected in 2016, but when you look at republican administrations since Nixon, ALL of them have been involved in some kind of activity that was illegal and overstepped the boundaries of executive authority.
Of course Nixon had Watergate and trump had Ukraine among many things that led to his impeachment. However, even Reagan and Bush 41 had Nicaragua and Iran Contra, and Bush 43 had Iraq. People blame Hillary Clinton for voting to give Bush authority to use the military as a last resort against Iraq, but they don’t say anything about Bush actually illegally invading Iraq.
During each of these republican administrations, congressional republicans fully supported the presidents, and with trump they actively participated in covering up the crimes. It SHOULD be plainly clear that republicans simply cannot be trusted with being in charge of the government. What part of “unitary executive” and “imperial presidency” do people not understand about republican ideology?
As we have seen in the control trump has over the Senate in the impeachment trial, congressional republicans are willing to completely surrender their legislative oversight authority to THEIR president.
In the future, not only republican members of Congress might be willing to do this, but ANY majority party, including the Democratic Party may choose to do this. So where are checks and balances and separation of powers? Don’t we risk our government being a dictatorship at least for four years, or more? What if one of the dictators decides to suspend elections altogether because “he” thinks it is in the best interest of the country (according to the Alan Dershowitz theory)? I emphasize “he”, because I don’t believe a “she” would behave in this manner.
https://www.thoughtco.com/unitary-executive-theory-the-imperial-presidency-721716
I think that if we could tear away the secrecy behind the election process in states, we would discover that many elections have been manipulated and stolen. I think the 2018 elections for Governor in GA and Senator in FL were likely stolen. And I consider the 2016 election illegitimate because of the Republicans support of Russian interference and Comey’s meddling in the election.
I also think it is common knowledge that the 2000 election was stolen from Al Gore and handed to George Bush. That was a spectacular act of election theft and fraud.
I believe that at this very moment, we live in a state of suspended dictatorship. That is, the dictatorship has been designed and supported by the Senate to exist. The confirmation of it will be Trump’s next dictatorial act.
There is no longer any check or balance or oversight of the presidency by Congress and the courts are also being defied, refusals to abide by court decisions are happening right now when it comes to disclosing documents.
What has been clear since before the 2000 stolen election, back to the Civil Rights era and even back to the founding of the nation and making slaves 3/5ths of a person, the white power base in the Republican Party (Democrats back in Lincoln’s day) knows that democracy stands in the way of them having and holding power. Moscow Mitch refused to stand with Obama to announce Russian meddling in 2016 because they wanted and needed it. As all their pro-Russian support in the past three years reflects and this rigged trial with Russian propaganda about Ukraine attacking our 2016 election shows.
The only way Republicans believe they can win national elections is to cheat, steal and sabotage democracy. They are enemies of democracy and that’s now wide out in the open. If Dems do win unitary control of DC in November, there needs to be a series of strong anti-corruption laws passed to prevent this kind of megalomaniac madness from ever occurring again.
There needs to be a law providing a “rocket docket” for Congress to get quick resolutions to presidents refusing to provide witnesses and documents. There needs to be mandatory disclosure of 10 years of tax returns for any presidential nominee. “High Crimes and Misdemeanors” need to be specifically defined and anti-corruption laws against a president or his staff or cabinet interfering in elections need to be passed.
Many more laws come to mind including barring lobbyists from working in government and barring politicians from becoming lobbyists for at least 10 years.
Along with that, laws should be passed requiring a judicial nominee to be deemed as “qualified” by the ABA, SCOTUS judges need to be limited to 10 year terms and impeachment rules need to require full and fair hearings requiring witnesses and evidence that are relevant whether or not they appeared in the House hearings.
So much needs to be repaired as Trump tears this country apart with the helping hands of Moscow Mitch and the entire GOP.
This election is an existential issue for the majority of Americans living under Trump’s rule and ruin. We need to get out and vote like it is.
AdLib, this is just brilliant! But — as so often happens — your magnificent satire is so close to the TRUTH that it almost loses its satire factor. Well done!
Thanks so much Kes! As you know, satire in the Trump era is more like writing a news article a day ahead of time.