On the heels of filing a $250 million lawsuit against Twitter and two parody twitter accounts for hurting his feelings, Rep. Devin “Snowflake” Nunes has filed a $500 million lawsuit against all mirrors in the United States. Nunes claims that the portrayal he sees of himself in mirrors demean him and make him appear like “an overweight, slimy douche-bag”.
Nunes insists that the reflections he sees of himself in mirrors are intentionally insulting and defamatory and are the result of mirrors being in collusion with the Far Left, the Fake News and liberal social media.
“These so-called mirrors try to portray me as a hateful, petty and ugly human being. I intend to put a stop to this slander by crushing them into dust and investing all of my political capital in a frivolous lawsuit against these inanimate objects,” Nunes whined with a scowl that distorted his features in an unattractive way.
“How dare anyone in the United States of America, and any reflective surface, think that they can portray me, a public figure, in the way that I appear to them! There is no constitutional right that gives permission to anyone or anything to freely express themselves, at least, not that I’ve read,” Nunes howled before cringing at his reflection in his own iPhone.
Nunes claims that this will only be the first of such lawsuits and warned that his next target for a lawsuit will be courtroom artists in the upcoming Mueller-related trials he expects to be included in as a defendant.
“I am a handsome man, I know it!” Nunes insisted as his nose ran, his eyes bulged and teared up and his cheeks turned an odd shade of red. “You just can’t believe what you see in social media, on tv or in the mirror, it’s all Fake Views!” Nunes whimpered before hunching his back and climbing up into a nearby church’s bell tower.