mcconnell

Still struggling to bring enough Republican Senators together to support his Obamacare repeal efforts, Senate Majority Leader Mitch “Eat The 99%” McConnell has just proposed a “sweetener” amendment intended to attract the votes he needs. McConnell explained that he recognized that just stripping tens of millions of Americans of healthcare may seem cruel to some but clearly isn’t cruel enough to attract enough Republican votes.

So McConnell proposed an amendment this morning that would do away with all vaccinations and require a reintroduction into the population of major diseases that have been mostly eliminated by medical science. Included on McConnell’s list are polio, smallpox, malaria, bubonic plague and leprosy.

“My amendment, called, “Better Healthcare for All, Really!”, will give the American people control over their own health when they need it most, trust me, “McConnell chuckled. “They’ll be able to choose from a wide array of fatal diseases that won’t be mandated by the federal government and they will have access to the availability of the possibility of the opportunity to window shop for healthcare that will cover all important insurance company’s profits,” McConnell declared.

McConnell provided an estimate from The Heritage Foundation that combined with his amendment, a repeal of Obamacare would reduce the federal deficit by $4 trillion over ten years, thanks to huge savings in spending on social programs as 50% of America’s population dies prematurely from this new plague of diseases.

“This will drastically bring down the cost of insurance premiums since the sickest will no longer be…in the insurance markets. And with the reduction in the number of Americans on Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and Welfare, the remaining 50% of Americans still alive will be celebrating that most important thing, we’ll be on our way to reducing the deficit and be able to cut taxes at the same time,” McConnell bragged. “All of this is what Republicans promised and stand for, nothing would make us prouder than to accomplish this in at least half of the American people’s lifetimes, ” McConnell noted.

Anticipating that even more severe cruelty to Americans may be needed to satisfy enough Republicans to vote for this bill, McConnell is keeping a backup amendment in his hip pocket. “Let’s just say that infecting the country’s water supply with a flesh eating virus may not sound great at first but I guarantee, it will grow on you.”

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Nirek
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AdLib, your thoughts are clairvoyant. This may be far from true but just wait. It will come up and that makes me sad.

To come up with these things, do you think like a republican?

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