In what has been called a disastrous disaster of disaster-sized proportions, House Republicans have become trapped in the Capitol by an infinite loop that appeared today in the Capitol out of thin air.
House Republicans had just scheduled an investigation of an investigation of an investigation of an investigation of Hillary Clinton and the FBI for not prosecuting her over her private email server, Benghazi and claims of hot sauce usage when a glowing infinite loop appeared in the chamber and trapped them inside of it.
Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately demanded that an investigation into the loop and a series of investigations into the investigation of the loop…be investigated.
“I find it redundant and repetitive that Republicans will once again have to do what they’ve done before, again and again, over and over, in investigating investigations of investigations,” repeated Ryan, coughing quietly to himself, “When the results don’t end up the way we wanted.”
Many House Republicans have seemed disinterested in even trying to escape the infinitive loop and those who have been trying, keep doing so in the exact same way that has failed while expecting a different result. “This is the definition of defining what something means that’s not only not working but isn’t succeeding…or accomplishing anything for that matter,” commented frustrated Rep. Jason Chaffetz as he kept unsuccessfully trying to fit a square peg into to loop’s oval hole to pry it off of them.
Surprisingly, many of the Republicans trapped in the infinite loop seemed very comfortable. “It actually feels comfortably comfortable in a comfortable way,” observed a comfortable-looking Rep. Kevin McCarthy.
Some Republicans have taken to pouring millions in taxpayer money into the loop, watching it disappear into nothingness but claiming it is a better investment than any alternative.
“It’s cheaper to lose millions of Americans’ money in an infinite loop than to allow our tax money to be thrown away pointlessly,” Rep. Steve Scalise echoed.
Democrats led by Rep. Nancy Pelosi, none of whom were trapped in the loop, regarded the Republicans with disgust and dismay.
“I don’t think it can be repeated enough,” Pelosi noted. “Republicans in Congress have made themselves redundant.”