In light of the firestorm of controversy over The New England Patriots use of deflated footballs in their playoff game last weekend (“Deflategate”), Republican House Speaker John Boehner has spoken out publicly to defend deflated balls.
What struck many as odd was that Boehner did not say that he was offering support for The Patriots, their head coach Bill Belichick, or their star quarterback Tom Brady, he simply chided those who would criticize anyone for having deflated balls.
“I keep hearing on the news one negative comment after another about how wrong deflated balls are. Well let me say to all of those attacking deflated balls, there is nothing wrong about them! They aren’t inferior to balls that haven’t been deflated, trust me,” Boehner stated. “Deflated balls shouldn’t be stigmatized, they didn’t deflate themselves, it happens when those who actually have control of those balls, use their power to diminish them. At least, that’s what a friend of mine told me.”
Boehner went on to explain his perspective.
“There can be downsides to deflated balls, I’ll acknowledge that. They may not carry as much weight, they may not perform as well, they may not allow the one using them to do everything he wants to do with them but there are upsides too. There’s less pressure on them, it’s easier to get a grip on them and carrying them takes less effort,” Boehner noted.
Asked why he was speaking out about this, Boehner shared that he had a soft spot for deflated balls.
“Back when I was a child, when all of the other kids had pumps to keep their balls inflated, I didn’t. I was ridiculed even then for having deflated balls, the other kids would push me around and make me do things I didn’t want to do. My father told me, ‘John, you have to maintain yourself as a Boehner and be proud of yourself no matter the reason others may disrespect you.’ That stuck with me and I live by that today. But back then? It took a lot of support from my mom and dad to get through that period. You have no idea how hard it was to maintain a Boehner when you’ve got deflated balls.”
I just saw a great one. “Ball-Ghazi”
That works, KT. About time we laid the “gate” add-on to rest and used something else when there’s a scandal.
Wish I had trademarked “gate” as a scandal tag back in the 1970’s, I’d have Koch money by now!
Excellent, AdLib!
Once the Patriots are finished with the pump used to inflate balls, maybe they’ll let Boehner borrow it to re-inflate his.
I hear those pumps work on various and sundry types of “potency-enhancing” implants too….
So — with a little help — he should be able to declare himself “re-Boehn(ed)” at the same time that he can say he’s mastered the risk of deflation.
Thanks, New England Pats. (I think.)
Thanks Kes!
I think Boehner’s got a pair of flats, no amount of pumping will re-inflate them.
Ad, thanks for the laugh.
I rail against those who have smeared my beloved Pats over rumors that are starting more and more to look like just that, rumors.
http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000462315/article/colts-dqwell-jackson-i-didnt-know-football-had-less-pressure
http://www.patriots.com/news/article-1/Statement-from-Patriots-Chairman-and-CEO-Robert-Kraft/200d569a-b829-4903-80d2-e097fcab3eab
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24984785/video-julian-edelman-takes-old-tv-show-growing-pains-adds-patriots
Boehner must be taking out all the years of teasing, over his surname, on the American public.
My pleasure, slm!
I think Boehner should be prepared to take a lot more teasing and attacks after the next two years of Republican insanity in Congress.
Ad…I am so sorry we had a terrible connection issue the night SOTUS was broadcasted.I’ve clapped the President in the end……Knowing in the future, all these mofos mocking him will finally acknowledge he was one of the BEST.Cheers.
ExFan, no worries but you were missed!
I do agree, I think Obama will be seen by future generations as one of the best Presidents we’ve had. Several great Presidents weren’t appreciated in their time for how profound their leadership was.
Ha! Well, I think the recent SOTU took quite a bit of air out of Boehner’s balls. 😉
KT – Scientists are actually trying to invent a more powerful electron microscope to locate Boehner’s deflated balls.
The refs checked the balls before the game and handled the ball before and after each play. If they had a problem , why didn’t they stop play and fix the problem?
Boehner on the other hand has not only deflated balls but his face looks deflated as well. Just saying.
Nirek, if you saw the news item today, the Patriots are trying to make a low level staffer the fall guy, it’s pretty disgusting. As the saying goes, “Patriot-ism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”