Deflated Boehner

In light of the firestorm of controversy over The New England Patriots use of deflated footballs in their playoff game last weekend (“Deflategate”), Republican House Speaker John Boehner has spoken out publicly to defend deflated balls.

What struck many as odd was that Boehner did not say that he was offering support for The Patriots, their head coach Bill Belichick, or their star quarterback Tom Brady, he simply chided those who would criticize anyone for having deflated balls.

“I keep hearing on the news one negative comment after another about how wrong deflated balls are. Well let me say to all of those attacking deflated balls, there is nothing wrong about them! They aren’t inferior to balls that haven’t been deflated, trust me,” Boehner stated. “Deflated balls shouldn’t be stigmatized, they didn’t deflate themselves, it happens when those who actually have control of those balls, use their power to diminish them. At least, that’s what a friend of mine told me.”

Boehner went on to explain his perspective.

“There can be downsides to deflated balls, I’ll acknowledge that. They may not carry as much weight, they may not perform as well, they may not allow the one using them to do everything he wants to do with them but there are upsides too. There’s less pressure on them, it’s easier to get a grip on them and carrying them takes less effort,” Boehner noted.

Asked why he was speaking out about this, Boehner shared that he had a soft spot for deflated balls.

“Back when I was a child, when all of the other kids had pumps to keep their balls inflated, I didn’t. I was ridiculed even then for having deflated balls, the other kids would push me around and make me do things I didn’t want to do. My father told me, ‘John, you have to maintain yourself as a Boehner and be proud of yourself no matter the reason others may disrespect you.’ That stuck with me and I live by that today. But back then? It took a lot of support from my mom and dad to get through that period. You have no idea how hard it was to maintain a Boehner when you’ve got deflated balls.”

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AdLibkesmarnsillylittlemeEXFANOFARIANAKillgoreTrout Recent comment authors
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I just saw a great one. “Ball-Ghazi”


Excellent, AdLib!

Once the Patriots are finished with the pump used to inflate balls, maybe they’ll let Boehner borrow it to re-inflate his.

I hear those pumps work on various and sundry types of “potency-enhancing” implants too….

So — with a little help — he should be able to declare himself “re-Boehn(ed)” at the same time that he can say he’s mastered the risk of deflation.

Thanks, New England Pats. (I think.)


Ad, thanks for the laugh.

I rail against those who have smeared my beloved Pats over rumors that are starting more and more to look like just that, rumors.

Boehner must be taking out all the years of teasing, over his surname, on the American public.


Ad…I am so sorry we had a terrible connection issue the night SOTUS was broadcasted.I’ve clapped the President in the end……Knowing in the future, all these mofos mocking him will finally acknowledge he was one of the BEST.Cheers.


Ha! Well, I think the recent SOTU took quite a bit of air out of Boehner’s balls. 😉


The refs checked the balls before the game and handled the ball before and after each play. If they had a problem , why didn’t they stop play and fix the problem?
Boehner on the other hand has not only deflated balls but his face looks deflated as well. Just saying.