A majority of Republican Congressmen have banded together to file a joint lawsuit against their own wives for taking out the trash at their homes.
“This is an overreach of domestic power,” Texas Senator Ted Cruz stated. “It was done without the proper authority and is destructive to the institution of marriage.”
Cruz and the majority of Republican men in Congress explained that it was their sole responsibility to take the trash out in their house and that their wives’ unilateral action in taking it out makes it impossible for the trash to be taken out in the future.
“Our wives have undermined our ability to trust them and without trust, they’ve taken away the basis for us to work together and get anything done,” expressed House Speaker, John Boehner. “Just to be clear, as has been the case for our party for many years, we’re talking trash.”
These Republicans stated that even though they hadn’t taken out the trash for over a year, despite the fact that their wives had given their approval way back then, they were going to eventually solve the trash accumulation issue. “We wanted to address the trash issue in a piecemeal fashion, first we want to fully secure our trash can lids. Once they’re fully secure, then we can address taking the trash out,” detailed incoming Majority Leader, Senator Mitch McConnell. “Our wives do not have the right to just take the trash out on their own just because we haven’t addressed it yet.”
Many of the wives of Republicans are stunned by this surprise lawsuit, claiming that the trash that had been piling up at their homes for years had gotten out of control and was causing safety and security emergencies. They claim that something had to be done soon before it became a disaster. Their Republican husbands replied only by decrying what they claim is the usurping of their power.
Boehner made it clear, “We completely oppose our wives acting like emperors and making a decision that was ours to make. We would rather live with mountains of garbage than give up our power to not take it out!”