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AdLib On October - 14 - 2013

boehner writing

Only knowing House Majority Speaker John Boehner from his osteoporosis commercials that offer comfort to those whose spines have become fragile and weak , I was unaware until today that he is also a children’s book author. He’s published many children’s stories including, “Hell No Moon!” and “No Eggs and Ham…For You Takers!” but he is best known for his current collection of morality tales, “A-Sot’s Fables”.

Thanks to a licensing agreement with Boehner’s publisher, Faust & Beelzebub, we are happy to share with you one of the most popular stories in the book, “The Cowardly Fireman”.



John Boehner

Once upon a time there was a fireman with a really, really attractive tan. He was the leader of all the other firemen. They envied his tan but he had a deep dark secret that he kept from them and everyone else…he was cowardly.

No one ever discovered his secret because whenever something scared him, he would cry and the other firemen would just think that seeing houses burn down just made him too sad to help them put out the fires.

One day, after many fires had been set each day for weeks, some evil white men came to the fire station and told The Cowardly Fireman that they were the ones who had been setting the fires on purpose!

The Cowardly Firefighter asked them why they would do such a thing. They explained that they don’t feel special like they used to because more and more people who aren’t white are surrounding them and taking away their power. They said it makes them feel powerful again when they can burn things down.

“Don’t you want to feel powerful like us, Mr. Fireman?” they asked The Cowardly Fireman.

“I do,” he said, “but it’s my responsibility to put out fires, not to start them. I swore an oath to protect and defend our town.”

“What if we told you that if you don’t help us keep setting fires, we’ll use our SuperPAC to elect someone else as leader of all the firemen?”

The Cowardly Firefighter thought for a time that seemed so long to him, he thought his tan may have faded completely away…but in fact, it was only eighteen seconds.

Putting on his most serious and determined face, he told the evil men, “Okay, whatever you say! As long as I get to stay leader!”

And they all lived happily ever after turning the city into a deadly inferno…or they would have if most of the other firemen weren’t socialist Democrats who put the fires out due to some annoying “moral responsibility to the people” thing that bewildered The Cowardly Fireman as much as it scared him.

THE MORAL TO THE STORY: One society’s coward is another society’s poison.

See you next time for another of A-Sot’s Fables!

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

15 Responses so far.

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  1. agrippa says:

    Sad, really.
    It is sad that such people are in Congress.

  2. Questinia says:

    The sequel can include Boehner’s turning into stone and crying


    Except In Boehner’s case it wouldn’t be stone but terra cotta.

    • AdLib says:

      Hey Q!

      And maybe another famous fairy tale with the line, “John Boehner, John Boehner, let down your tears!”

      Or The Three Little Pigs with Ted Cruz as the Big Bad Wolf? “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your House down!”

  3. Kalima says:

    To me the GOPTP are like someone who goes to a store standing next to the person who buys a winning lottery ticket, then demands his share when the other guy wins.

    When the winner refuses, the guy demanding his share snatches the ticket and destroys it. If he can’t get what he wants, no one else can either. I knew kids like this growing up and they are still mean, selfish and demanding as adults.

    Like the guy demanding his share, the GOP and the Teabuggers have done nothing to deserve it and absolutely zero to benefit the country or it’s people, yet they demand a share in running the country and trashing it for everyone else.

    You’ve depicted Boehner down to a “T”. Perfect!!

    Just love the play on Aesop’s Fables with “A-Sot’s Fable”, great idea.

    How about his “Woman and the Snake” for the GOP being deceived by the Teabuggers in 2010?

    • AdLib says:

      Hey Kalima! That is a good one! An you know which fable came to mind when I was reading that? The scorpion and the frog, that one’s perfect for the Repubs and the Tea Party too!

      • Kalima says:

        “The Scorpion and the Frog” is perfect too AdLib, and for anyone not familiar with it, or has forgotten it, here it is.

        The Scorpion and the Frog

        A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
        scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
        frog asks, “How do I know you won’t sting me?” The scorpion
        says, “Because if I do, I will die too.”

        The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
        the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
        paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
        but has just enough time to gasp “Why?”

        Replies the scorpion: “It’s my nature…”

        • AdLib says:

          Kalima, is that not the whole GOP/Tea Party story???

          • Kalima says:

            Yes AdLib, it could have been written just for them. Saps the lot of them. Couldn’t find their way out of a brown paper bag. They live their lives wearing blinkers never thinking of the consequences of their actions or taking responsibility for their cock-ups.

            • Kalima says:

              The irony is that Mitch McConnell and the group of cohorts who got together after the President won in 2008 with their goal of making him a one-term president and refusing to work with him by saying no to everything he proposed, is that they have had their own hate turn against them instead, and far from destroying Obama, they have destroyed themselves. So much for “God’s Chosen People” eh? 😆

              They picked on the wrong opponent. The President outplayed, outmaneuvered and outranked them in the intelligence department, and they failed with their racist hate and cunning evil to do any of the things they had planned to do after his first election. That would be Karma don’t you think? A very much befitting and much deserved Karma at that.

            • AdLib says:

              The desperate GOP, needing to win elections by any other means other than free and fair elections over actual issues, keeps marrying radical groups that they need to get them elected in unfair elections.

              And just as the Moral Majority went from Republican rubes to take over the party and make it too distasteful for the majority, the same thing has happened with the Tea Party.

              The scorpion will kill even it’s only chance for survival because that’s its nature.

              So goes the GOP, going down for the second and maybe final time.

  4. kesmarn says:

    Just wonderfully, delightfully clever, AdLib. Please tell us that there’ll be more: The Rand Paul Hair and the Mitch McConnell Tortoise? The Paul Ryan Lion and the Obama Thorn? Eric “The Fox” Cantor and the Sour Grapes of Wrath?

    More! More!

  5. Nirek says:

    Ad, you always get the point across with humor. I love it!

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