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AdLib On December - 13 - 2011

‘Twas the Newt before Christmas, when all through the race,
Not a Romney was stirring, so Newt’s in first place.
The polling was hung by the websites with care,
In hopes that St. Newtolas soon would be there.

The Right Wing were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Orwell plots danced in their heads.
And Romney in his flip-flops, and Newt in his spite,
Had just settled in for a long winter’s fight.

When out on the stump there arose such a clatter,
Mitt sprang from his limo to see what’s the matter.
Away to the newsstand he flew like a flash,
Tore open the front page and threw up in cash.

The mark of the beast in the new fallen polls
Gave the “L” of a “Loser” on Romney’s big goals.
When, what to his robotic eyes should appear,
But his surrogates’ slaying Newt’s prospects next year.

With a little old reptile, so vicious, a brute,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Newt.
More fetid than skunk spray his voters they came,
And he ranted, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Racist! now, Hateful! now, Sexist and Dimwit!
On, Hubris! On, Ego! On Boastful and Bullshit!
To the top of the polls! To the top of the fence!
Now bash away! Bash away! Bash away sense!”

As falsehoods that before the wild primaries fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So on to the Fox shows these candidates flew,
With their bags full of lies, and some slanderous too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the news
The pounding and scraping of each pundit’s shoes.
As they spewed in outrage, with heads turning ’round,
Down the home stretch St. Newtolas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in slime, from his head to his foot,
And his soul was all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of lies he had flung out as flack,
And he looked like a con man, just preparing his smack.

His eyes, how they narrowed! His dough face, how scary!
His cheeks were like melons, his breath smelled of sherry!
His cruel little mouth was drawn thin like a thread,
And the twin of his chin was as fat as his head.

This stump of a man, he held tight to his lead,
And the fear it inspired was funny indeed.
Newt had a broad face and a large and round belly,
Mitt’s losing to him turned his brain into jelly!

He was dumpy and slumped, a right slobby old troll,
And Mitt sighed when he saw him, “And I’m an asshole?”
A glare of Newt’s eye and the swell of his head,
Soon gave Mitt to know he had so much to dread.

He spoke angry words to force poor kids to work,
To clean up school toilets, what a mammoth jerk.
And vowing repent, despite all his woes,
He’s given a nod, up the the caucus he rose!

He sprang to his cruise, to his team gave a finger,
And away they all flew from this lazy Right Winger.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he sailed out of reach,
“I taught God all he knows and have more left to teach!”

An early Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza (and any other holidays I missed) greeting to all of our fellow Planeteers and kind readers, from PlanetPOV!  

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

57 Responses so far.

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  1. JMBrodie says:

    I, too, am in the holiday spirit. With that, I sumbmit with apologies to Julie Andrews…

    Lily Ledbetter
    And getting Bin Laden
    Closing the donut hole
    Troops out of Iraq
    Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a thing of the past
    That’s why Obama kicks GOP a…..

    Out of work slowing
    Economy growing
    Car business saved
    So the autos keep flowing
    Terrorists worldwide have all seen their last
    That’s why Obama kicks GOP a…..

    When Mitt flip flops
    When Newt pops off
    When Rick pulls a gaffe
    I simply remember my favorite Prez
    Obama in 2012…

  2. choicelady says:

    This morning NPR’s “Wait, Wait -- Don’t Tell Me” had one panelist’s PERFECT comment: “This candidacy is like a horror film sequence. Just when you thought he was gone…HE’S BA-A-A-A-CK!!!!!!”

    Cue the slasher music. It’s all begun again!

  3. Kalima says:

    This is absolutely wonderful AdLib, it fits the miserable, selfish, and boring old sod to a T. The red costume fits too, doesn’t the Devil wear red?

  4. SallyT says:

    AdLib, Clement C. Moore would be proud! I have found that new commerical that is airing of Santa Claus choosing from all his Mercedes which one to take a little much. Who put Santa in the 1%? Anyway, enjoyed yours!

  5. funksands says:

    Ad, this was really funny. Thanks for the chuckles! Newt’s candidacy reminds me of the movie Christmas Story.

    The part I’m thinking of is when the dad finally gets the “award” delivered in this huge crate, everyone is excited to see what’s in it….then he pulls out the leg lamp.

    He’s thrilled, his wife is aghast. He proudly displays the monstrosity in the window of the house until one fateful day when his wife “accidentally” breaks it.

    Half of the GOP has rationalized themselves into loving the Gingrich candidacy, the other half are horrified and are trying to figure out how to “break” it.

    All of which makes me laugh just as much as your post did. 🙂

  6. SueInCa says:


    This is OT but I figured it was the best place to put it so you would see it. Thom Hartman tweeted it today. Americans Elect remember?



    CEO Kahlil Byrd and COO Elliot Ackerman of Americans Elect discuss their new organization and their efforts to create an avenue for a directly elected nonpartisan ticket in future American elections.

    They raised 22 million from 50 donors

    • MurphTheSurf3 says:

      Sue..read the Ad Lib article, and then watched the Gregory interview….as usual MSM playing ball with bold faced liars without a challenge. How to spread the word? Got to figure this one out.

      I am going to try spreading the word to four other blogs I now well.

      Gotto bust this wide open.

    • Obama truly wanted to be a post partisan president. Where did that get him?

      I’m sick of the right wing in America. The idea that the left partisans are the trouble is nonsense bought into by the MSM.

      Like Murph said I’d have to see what they really want to accomplish which could be just a campaign to undermine Democrats.

      • AdLib says:

        KQ, that’s what I find so insidious about this scam, playing on the dissatisfaction and difficulties of the American people to manipulate them into voluntarily disempowering themselves and empowering the wealthy minority.

        If at least a couple percent of disaffected voters were to be lured into this quicksand, it could tip the election to the Repubs…which is the goal.

        You won’t find true moderates or liberals supporting this or the also bogus No Labels BS. The wealthy are accustomed to manipulating and ripping off Americans. They saw the populist mood in the nation and the disapproval of government, that’s just opportunity knocking to them, something to exploit.

        We do have to do what we can to expose these schemers.

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks for the update on these frauds. As you recall, they originally claimed their funding was coming from “the people” in small donations though we exploded that lie. Ackerman’s father, a hedge fund manager, originally founded and financed this group and is continuing to do so with his cronies to siphon off and undermine Obama’s base.

      For those who haven’t read it (I know you have), here’s our article exposing Americans Elect:

      American’s Elect -- A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing?

      ( http://planetpov.com/2011/08/29/americans-elect-a-wolf-in-sheeps-clothing/ )

      • kesmarn says:

        AdLib, I remembered that you had picked up on this shady outfit very early on. Thanks for posting the link to your article.

        Your political instincts are positively uncanny. Just think, way back in August you sensed what others are only now figuring out. I wish I had the time to comb through all the archives here to count the number of your predictions or hunches that turned out later to be absolutely on the money.

        I don’t want to give you the dubious title of “pudnut,” but if you were to declare yourself one, you’d be among the very best!

      • Cheers for reposting the link AdLib. It took me a second to remember who these frauds were.

      • SueInCa says:

        American’s Elect – A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing?

        I must have missed it somehow, I will go back and read it, thanks. I also referred Murph to it. I am going to retweet it at any case.

    • MurphTheSurf3 says:

      Hey Sue,

      I was really intrigued when I first caught word on this effort.

      Who is drawn to such a group? From what I read, progressve independents are among the most attracted.

      Nader Part II? Gore lost Florida and Nader’s votes would have broken heavily for him……This site is more likely to be a spoiler which makes me wonder who is behind it.

      That’s what I fear.

      Do you have a better felling about this than I do?

      • AdLib says:

        Murph, I recommend you read the article I linked to above on American’s Elect to see what’s really going on with the fraudulent group.

        Your instincts are right no the money, Americans Elect is a Wall Street Trojan Horse cloaked in populism.

        • MurphTheSurf3 says:

          Read it just now. Archived for future reference. Just superb. This info is not widely available. I will spread the word from my platforms. Hope we of the Planet are going to keep our eye on this.

          • AdLib says:

            I wrote the article after these frauds went on a PR tour of the news channels.

            I did find two excellent blogs following and exposing them but nothing in the blogging mainstream.

            When such an obvious scam is set up to harm our democracy to the benefit of the wealthy and the MSM (including The Colbert Show) don’t question it but actually lend credence to it, time for the blog world to fight back.

            Thanks for spreading the word out there, people have to see this wolf in populist clothing for what it is or we’ll suffer some big consequences.

      • SueInCa says:

        American’s Elect – A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing?

        Try this one Adlib wrote here, I am going to read it and see if it needs an update or will let it stand. I have a feeling Adlib pretty well covered it all.

        • MurphTheSurf3 says:

          It is a good article, actually great, but the word is not on the streets. I think this is important. What is a Deval Patrick associate doing in this?

      • SueInCa says:


        Khalil Byrd is on the CFR as a term member. You know what I am going to write a post on this.

        • MurphTheSurf3 says:

          Sue….I would be very interested in whatever you find out and in your own insights on this. Is this Byrd the one associated with Mass. Gov. Deval Patrick?

          Maybe these folks have good intentions but their efforts could create a real mess.

      • SueInCa says:

        No Murph I don’t. The only thing to do is to expose them anyway we can. I can do it on twitter and facebook. Twitter I do everyday, FB maybe once a week.

  7. Questinia says:

    You are you’re usual font! Devoting an extra stanza on Newt’s dewlap added cheer.

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks so much, Questinia (nice to see you!). Actually, I only had enough room in the poem and on the screen for one of Newt’s dewlaps, excluding several others as well as his off putting, lap dewlap.

      And trust me, you don’t want to see his doo-wah.

  8. Sorry kids, no toys this year. St. Newtolas has his elves cleaning toilets in schools all over the world!

  9. Kudos AdLib. Well done sir! My favorite stanza;

    “His eyes, how they narrowed! His dough face, how scary!
    His cheeks were like melons, his breath smelled of sherry!
    His cruel little mouth was drawn thin like a thread,
    And the twin of his chin was as fat as his head.”

  10. Caru says:

    AdLib, you’ve certainly got a knack for this!

    • AdLib says:

      Cheers Caru! I’d say, “It’s a living” if it paid anything but instead I’ll just say, “It’s a lot of fun”, especially being able to share some silliness with the great folks here.

  11. ” alt=”psl” /> Brilliant AdLib! Another gem.

  12. jjgravitas says:

    Make your Drooltide gay, and many thanx to the GOP for all the noise noise noise noise noise! :mrgreen:

  13. SueInCa says:

    Great piece once again. I will say it again, I wish I had the gift of humor and creativity like you and others do around here. Retweeted for you too.

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks for retweeting it Sue and thanks so much for the props. We all bring something unique here, that’s what keeps me going each day! Cheers Sue and an early Happy Holidays to you!

  14. MurphTheSurf3 says:


    And we have a poem to attach to it….

    Best lines:
    “Now Racist! now, Hateful! now, Sexist and Dimwit!
    On, Hubris! On, Ego! On Boastful and Bullshit!
    To the top of the polls! To the top of the fence!
    Now bash away! Bash away! Bash away sense!”

    Thanks for this bit of inspired and biting sarcasm.

    As for Obama- Ho(pe)! Ho(pe)! Ho(pe)!

  15. kesmarn says:

    Oh, Adlib! This is delicious! I have to share it with my fellow libs (and maybe a few cons, too).

    You have been and remain the unmatched Master of Planetary Parody. Please keep ’em coming!

  16. choicelady says:

    OMG -- how absolutely marvelous, AdLib! And it SCANS, which most parodies do not. Delicious, pointed, and right on the money. Newt’s stash, of course. Thank you!!!

  17. escribacat says:

    😆 😆 Thanks, Adlib. It’s great to start out the day with a big laugh. You never cease to amaze.

  18. atdnext says:

    Poor Mittens. In an instant, he went from “inevitable” to unenviable (at least in regards to his political career). If he weren’t such a vicious “vulture capitalist”, I might even pity him.

    • AdLib says:

      I’m enjoying watching Romney, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had everything practically handed to him, whimper at declining despite his sense of entitlement.

      Couldn’t happen to a better 1%er.

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