‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through DC,
Not a leader was crying, not even John B;
The tax cuts were hung by the wealthy with care,
In hopes that some trickle down soon would be there;
The Baggers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of misspelled signs danced in their heads;
And Boehner in his feeties, and Mitch in his pond,
Had just settled bills with the Pres who’s Ken-yan.
When out on the feed there arose such a clatter,
Rush sprang from his bed like a cow only fatter.
Away to Fox News, they flew like a flash,
Where Rupert was busy just counting his cash.
The loons and the beasts in their fair-balanced shows
Gave the lustre of insight to IQ’s below,
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a female McCarthy, and a campaign they fear.
With a folksy old hatred, with lying and spin,
They knew that their nom she really could win.
More rapid than eagles her Facebook page came,
And she tweeted, and texted, and called all a name;
“Now, Marxist! now, Man-Up! now, Lamestream and Racist!
On, Flaccid! on Stupid! on, Commie and Sexist!
To the top of the pack! To the top of the polls!
Now slash away! Slash away! Slash away doles!”
And then, in a twinkling, she had a new book
The stroking and fawning of each news network.
She thought talking heads’d turn reason around,
Down the book charts poor Sarah did drop with a bound.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her knee,
And her soul was all tarnished with ambition and greed;
A bundle of knives she had flung into backs,
And old John McCain was reduced to a hack.
Her eyes — how they wink-led! “You Betcha!”, how merry!
Her look was so vacant, her ignorance scary!
Her sour little mouth was drawn up like a net,
And her lack of a conscience would frighten a pet;
The stump speech she gives is writ large on her hand,
And the crowd that she speaks to she plays like a band;
She has a small base but is always on telly,
A famous creature like that one by Miss Shelly.
She is strident and loud, annoying and shrill,
And she laughed when she clubbed a fish, making a kill.
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon gave all to know she was prob’ly off meds.
She spoke not a word, at least one that we’ve heard,
And cable was filled with such droppings of birds,
And laying her platform beside Orwell’s tome,
Of course she would call the GOP home;
She sprang to campaign, to her team said “What-If?”,
And away they all ran like lem-mings off a cliff.
But they heard her exclaim, ere she veered out of sight,
“I won’t quit till I’ve quit, two years sounds about right!”
My word, you people are having a lot of fun! From my computer there raised such a clatter I flew to my mouse to see what was the matter! When what to my wondering eyes now appears, but a silly Adlib and his Merry Planeteers!
Great stuff, maestro!
Merry Christmas to all from Tokyo! Santa will put natto in all your stockings!
WTS and Rosie?
Merry Christmas, guy!
My Gawd! How did you find that?
I’m non-committal on who that particular weasel is.
Amazing what’s on u-tube! 🙄
Hey, paws off, that’s mine, all mine!!
Ha ha! Merry Christmas, K!
😆 You guys are on a roll!! Thanks for the laughs!
My Final One:
Kochin’ Around The Tea Party.
“Balls Will Be Wringing”
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?” (no alteration required).
“Silver and Gold” (ditto)
“I Saw Larry Kissing Men in Stalls” (off-color and crude, I know)
The Worst McConnell
Barf! The Tanned Boehner Crying
We McCains of Disorient Are
“I Saw Three Lobbyists Come Sailing in, Like Christmas Day, Like Christmas Day!”
Not Three Kings?
♕ ♕ ♕
🙂 🙂 🙂
“Sarah’s Claws are Coming To Town”.
“The First NO! Hell”.
Filibuster Now It’s Dead.
“God Help Scary Republicans”. Okay, I’ll stop.
“Oh, Hannity! Oh, Hannity! How Faithful Are Your Ranters”
Here She Comes A-Wasilla-ing.
“Oh, Little Town of Washington, How Oft We See Thee Lie!”
Disclaimer: This carol does not apply to the Prez and family, the Senate majority, or Bo, the White House dog. Blue dogs, on the other hand…
This is much more fun than making Christmas Eve food!
I’m embarrassed to admit that I am making that “classic” — the green bean casserole with the Durkee’s French-fried Onion topping for the gathering tonight. So it’s time to hop to it and fulfill my midwestern “cuisine” responsibilities.
“Wee Fish Ewe a Mare Egrets Moose”!
Kes, There’s a reason classics are classics. I mean, as simple as they are, you can’t beat mashed potatoes…well…you can beat them but you can’t beat them.
Just so you exempt Bo…
“Pollute the Rivers and Clear the Woods, to Grandmother’s House We Foreclose!”
“Wreck the Halls (of Congress)”
“O Holy Nuts”
Did I spot a tome or two by Palin and/or Beck in those flames?
In case you missed it.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Wonderful, AdLib! As kes noted – God help us, everyone! – if that ever comes to pass! Yikes.
I guess I qualify as a Jesus person, sort of, but this IS my favorite time of year. I really believe it brings out the best in us regardless of who we are. The promise of hope and goodness isn’t just to avoid the cranky Santa lump of coal but the possibility that kindness is real, achievable. I was waiting in a gubmint office with a Russian Pentecostal woman I’d helped a bit to get her waiting time number, and she, with the angriest face I’ve ever seen, in turn told me I’d dropped something. Two people with NOTHING in common sharing common courtesy. The reason for the season.
So Sarah can bite me. True meaning of Christmas is being kind to one another, no exceptions. Even fish.
The Planet is the finest collection of kind people EVER, and may all of you have good days and better years, Sarah-free if we’re vigilant, and hostility-free if we help that along. No one here gets that lump of coal…
Happiest of holidays to all!
When we say that this time of year brings out the best in “us”, we certainly must exclude Senate Republicans, oui?
I do agree, there is a degree of conscience and compassion that does seem to radiate at this time of year, as if people are giving themselves temporary permission to ignore their lesser urges and wear their humanity on their chest, proudly. As has been too often said, too bad Holiday Spirit isn’t year round…it would make life much more of an ongoing holiday.
I share your feelings about those here at The Planet, I have never shared ideas, concerns and laughter with so many truly remarkable and enjoyable people as I have here at The Planet. It really is the gift that keeps on giving…and what’s great is that I get to open it anew every day.
As to a possible Palin run, to paraphrase Tiny Tim:
God help us, every one!
Merry Christmas to all the Jesus people, as AB has said, and Happy Holidays to all the rest, especially our beloved pagans.
Or we could refer to a Palin run with the song, “The Little Dumber Girl.”:
“Run they told me
da dum dum dum dum
A sucker born to be,
da dum dum dum dum.”
Ba-dum ba-dum dum.
“Do You Hate What I Hate?” 😀
Or, perhaps: “I’m Dreaming of an All-White Christmas”?
Beck Enthralls With Racist Folly
Heh! “All-White Christmas”! 😆
I hear Palin’s favorite Xmas show is, “The Nutcracker”.
The tune I’d personally love to record is the Planeteer Chorus version of “Silent Right.”
Love it! 😆
😆 Excellent, kes!!
Now admit it. How many more stanzas of Palin-riffing couldn’t you have done. I’ll bet you had to stop yourself.
Brilliant as usual, my liege. But what happened to Rudolph the Redneck reindeer?
PHFFFFTTTT (sound of coffee in the nose)
What do you mean? I can stop riffing any time I want to, I just don’t want to. Hey who put me on a mailing list for Riffers Anonymous? Oh man, is this an intervention?
Thanks so much Q! Love “Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer”, how about a trilogy that includes, “Frothy, the Newsman”?
It would have to include “The Gingrich Who Stole Wits-ness”.
Not to mention that lovable Xmas song by Palin, “All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Lobes”.
😆 😆 😆 Another brilliant offering from our own Adlib!
Thank you so much escrib! Wonder if Palin will now accuse me of not having snow balls? Merry Xmas to you!
Excellent, Ad Lib! The Blov pronounced you “really prolific”. Let that stand. Laughing at what is scary is the best way to dispel fear.
Merry Christmas to the Jesus folks! Happy Holidays to my dear others. And Peace to us all. -AB
Thanks AB and thank The Blov for me!
It does seem that keeping such people where you can laugh at them undermines the seriousness of their goals…and the polls seem to be reflecting this.
Happy holidays back to you, The Blov, and all of our newest Planeteers out there!