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AdLib On August - 18 - 2010

In my various meanderings around the whole of existence and parts of New Jersey, I have had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of God, Satan and other well recognized talking heads.

It’s been my honor to share their blogs here at The Planet.

As Fate would have it (if you knew Fate as I do, you’d know how Fate always has to have things its own way or else you get the silent treatment), during my most recent hike along the Existential Trail (I didn’t run into Mark Sanford), I happened to come upon one of history’s most horrific human beings, Adolph Hitler. Well, actually it was his ghost…wearing ethereal lederhosen and a “Romney 2012” button.

He had heard of my sharing the blogs of other famous and infamous bloggers at The Planet and, after awkwardly trying to convince me that he had come to enjoy eating at delis, asked if I would share his blog here.

So, purely in the interest of openness, free expression and shameless exploitation, here is Hitler’s Ghost’s blog:

Adolph’s Blog – 8-18-2010

If only I had a Reich Mark for every time my name is mentioned in American politics, I’d put my pals at Goldman Sachs to shame…if they had the capacity for it.

Actually, it’s been quite annoying. You spend your entire adult life demonizing other races and religions in your pursuit of consolidating power under yourself then see yourself totally ripped off by a low brow American political party. Where I am now, there’s no shortage of lawyers so I am considering my options, at a minimum, I’ve got the GOP on plagiarism and theft of trademark.

What I don’t get is that they are copying mein approach to seizing power and yet, instead of giving me credit, they fling my name as an insult at a black man who opposes what we stand for. Talk about embarrassing, George Wallace’s ghost won’t stop ragging on me and it’s getting on my nerves.

I mean, come on, either you think whipping up a nation to fear and hate minorities in a time of financial insecurity, in order to marshal a mindlessly hateful mob that will sweep you into power is cool or it’s not! You can’t adopt my strategy than use my name as a synonym for “Arschloch” on other people. And BTW, using my name and “communist” or “Marxist” on the same person? Really? Where did they get their education of history, from Texas school books?

Still, I do agree with the list of targets the GOP has been building and how they’ve been portraying them:

a. Blacks are racists who are working to turn America’s government into an African socialist society…and lop off the heads of white people along the way as a preemptive measure against the popular resurgence of polka music.

b. Gays are child molesters who want bestiality legalized and want to infect heterosexuals with The Gay. As thrice married Newt Gingrich has explained, they want to destroy marriage by first adopting it then driving it up to the country and letting it out of the car to fend for itself.

c. Latinos are all illegal immigrants, stealing jobs and white people’s tax money in the form of social services. The highly sought-after positions of Strawberry Collection Specialist, Leaf Wafting Technician and more have been greedily ripped from the hands of American workers champing at the bit to establish these careers for themselves.

d. Muslims belong to a despicable “cult” but America should be a place where there is freedom for all religions…except the ones we don’t belong to and/or are afraid of.

e. Educated and intellectual people are elitist wimps bent on destroying our country and transforming it into Communist Russia. Real leaders don’t “think” or “research” or “deliberate”, they are “Deciders” who think with their balls…or a friend’s balls if they have trouble locating their own tiny ones.

f. The weakest and most vulnerable in our society are threats to it. Lazy, unemployed workers are responsible for our economy not recovering by greedily taking a fraction of their salary from insurance they’ve paid for over the years. The poor don’t pay their fair share in taxes, instead living it up working 3 jobs or signing up for the military. The elderly with their “entitlements” are draining the government of money that could be going to give the wealthiest 1% tax cuts which, as the end of the Bush Years prove, lead to exactly the kind of booming economy Obama inherited.

Okay, am I leaving out anyone?

Add to this…so, the Reichstag is literally burned down and Republicans are rhetorically burning down the institution of government and the SCOTUS…excuse me but are my royalty checks in the mail? I thought not.

And yet, despite the current GOP being a tribute to my work, I’m the Boogy Man to whom they constantly compare their enemies. You know, you slave for your kids, give them everything they have and then one day they steal your car for a joyride with their friends, talking smack about you the whole time to announce what a jerk you are while throwing up all over your fine Corinthian leather.

It’s no fun being ahead of your time. If only I had known my philosophy would have conquered half of America’s political parties 70 years later…I might have taken Eva out of the bunker for a movie that night.

Categories: Featured, GOP, Humor

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

61 Responses so far.

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  1. Moist Robot says:

    Hitler lives in Teaneck.

  2. whatsthatsound says:

    I can just hear the Hitler ghost jabbering away in the passengers seat:
    “Be careful, you almost hit zat dog, you fool! Vait, slow down, I want to dump this McDonald’s garbage on the synagogue lawn, hee hee. Vat’s that? An “art” gallery? Who buys zat crap, anyway? Can’t you drive any faster? Ze barbershop vill be closed by the time ve get there….”

  3. whatsthatsound says:

    Excellent, AdLib!

  4. kesmarn says:

    These must be great times for Der Fuhrer, AdLib. He might even be in the mood to celebrate:

  5. javaz says:

    LMAO AdLib!

    This post is exactly why pot should be legal!
    (actually, pot should be legal PERIOD.)

    Herr Adolf left out the Gypsies!

    Perhaps the Gypsies living in the US will be the next target?


    Excellent post and thanks for the laugh!

  6. PatsyT says:

    This gives an all new meaning to Ghost Hunters!

  7. choicelady says:

    AdLib -- I must say you meet the most interesting people, or at least beings. How do you do it?

    Fascinating to think Herr Hitler is pissed at being dragged into these slurs on our president. Clearly shows that even the teabaggers don’t know squat and have alienated their Hero. I once knew of a man for whom the most comprehensive condemnation of people and ideas he didn’t like (or understand) was to label them “commienazi” which allowed him to exersize NO judgment whatsoever. He’d be right at home today.

    Thank you for another insightful interview with one of our cultural archetypes. You do get the most amazing stuff out of these guys. Keep it coming!

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks CL! I did have my reservations about giving such a despicable figure in human history a platform to speak but then I thought about Fox giving Glenn Beck a show and that concern just evaporated.

      You mention one of the amusing things about haters, they latch onto the catchphrases that are supposed to be demean politicians and roll them all up into a hateball that they hurl at someone,

      “Obama is a Muslim Communist Marxist Socialist Hitler who hates ice cream but loves ice cream!”

  8. dildenusa says:

    So if I ride alone today, am I riding with Osama bin Laden? Or how about riding with Osarah bin Palin and the founding fathers and mama grizzlies? You know what happens when you share your car? It gets destroyed. If I was German I would say I’m riding mit Mitt.

  9. TheRarestPatriot says:

    Good stuff, Adlib. Glad to read your posts. And a special terrorist fist bump to Hitler’s ghost for blogging the word ‘champing’ correctly….;-)

    • choicelady says:

      TRP!!!! How ARE you? Where are you??? We’re SO glad to see you again!

      • TheRarestPatriot says:

        Thanks, CL. It has been awhile. Happy to see you again. Not much has changed regarding my situation here, but I an taking it day by day.
        Had a friend on HP suggest I start my own blog to chronicle my descent or redemption and I did just that. I’m anxious to see how the story turns out! πŸ˜‰
        I’d love for you and everyone here to visit my site dedicated to the plight of the American jobless professional workforce and the misery we are enduring.
        Please post and comment often and tell as many people about my site as possible. It may turn out to be my saving grace. Missed you all terribly.
        I’ve only created the site 2 days ago so please forgive its amateur nature. It’s all I could do with what I had.

        Twitter -- @theincomepoop

    • AdLib says:

      Cheers TRP, great to see you!

  10. AlphaBitch says:

    Polka resurgence? Really? What cha shooting for, Hit-Man? 200 people showing up?????

    • AdLib says:

      We can say this about polka, no one ever got trampled going to a polka concert.

      • bitohistory says:

        Never been to Milwaukee, have you? πŸ˜‰

        • AdLib says:

          Where do you think I got this shirt?

          ” alt=”polka” />

          • choicelady says:

            GREAT shirt, AdLib! Not seen anything so cool before outside of Buffalo where we had one of the Grammy-winning polka artists. Yes. There ARE Grammy awards for polka. Always have been; that is not an example of falling standards. They started that way. Given that, it’s a wonder Hitler didn’t win, isn’t it?

            Ah, Buffalo -- home of polka, the Barco Lounger, and Brunswick bowling balls, piano rolls, the Thomas Flyer, and once upon a time Mark Twain. Add in the food -- beef on kummelwick rolls, kielbasa and pierogis, horseradish cheddar, and loganberry drink. Wings are just the icing on the cake. Could life be sweeter?

            You’ve brought back memories, AdLib. Thank you!

            • AdLib says:

              Love the stroll down memory lane and the comfort food menu, mmm!!!

            • bitohistory says:

              Is this story true, C’Lady?

            • AlphaBitch says:

              Bito!!!! John Prine is my FAVORITE! I actually met him via friends at a festival in CA in 1992. Stayed in a room at a lodge right noext door. Nice guy, funny as sheet.

              The Blov and I named our Pacific Seacraft Orion sailboat “Missing Years” after this song and our dinghy “Jesus”.

              LOVE Prine more than almost anyone. LLJP.

    • AdLib says:

      πŸ˜† Great pair of videos!

      Going old school, here are a couple from The Great Dictator, one balletic and the second, one of the most remarkable, stirring speeches in film history…which for the most part plays very poignantly today:

  11. VegasBabe says:

    LOL…DUDE, the “resurgence of polka music”? You know, it ain’t all bad? Just sayin’ πŸ™‚

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