A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward
him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan
sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If
I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will
you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects
it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL
database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You
have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with
amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you
don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about
cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ….
Now give me back my dog.
Just tryin’ to keep it real. Seems to me, some days you just gotta laugh to keep from balling, ya know? 🙂
Hey, whoever added the kitties, thanks. Nice tuch! 🙂
Vegas Babe, maybe we should make this a habit….
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay
her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so
sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” he replied.
“How can you be so sure,” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any
testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned
a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind
legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck
from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments
later with a cat.
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird
from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head,
meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this
is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!”, she cried,
“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!”
The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill
would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.00.
ha ha! That’s fantastic! Oh, I gotta tell that one to everybody I know!
LMAO….Fantastic Patsy. Absolutely rich!!
Oh Booooo – that is the worst set of puns maybe EVER! Thank you for a great laugh!
Thanks, needed a good laugh on a Monday morning!
“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”
Good one, VB. Thanks for the chuckle.
“Says here on your resume that you are a consultant. How long have you been out of work?
Excellant Vegas Babe …. Bravo !
😆 😆 😆 😆
That’s hilarious, VB!