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AdLib On September - 30 - 2009


I have had the misfortune to have caught what appears to be the Swine Flu. Not only do I appear to have all the symptoms but my lungs seem to be filled with bacon fat.

This has resulted in my being stranded on the couch for days watching far too much television (not counting the surreal and nauseating hallucination I had of Tom DeLay being on “Dancing with the Stars”).

But it is the commercials which I find to be the most enlightening. Here’s what commercials have taught me this week:

1. Though we’re in a recession, you may be out of work and your house may be in foreclosure, the one place you don’t want to cut back in these difficult times is on buying OreIda frozen French fries.

2. The sentiment of Cat Stevens’, “If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out” is not a celebration of freedom, feeling positive about life and individualism. It is about the personal happiness and the satisfaction of self expression that you will have if you buy a new T-Mobile cellphone.

3.   Walt Whitman’s  “Pioneers! O Pioneers!” is actually a tribute to the glory and dynamic promise of wearing Levi Jeans.

4. On an island of flightless birds, a bird that dares to risk all to leap off a cliff and take flight in pursuit of personal freedom is the equivalent of deciding to buy an extra thin LG flatscreen TV.

And to think I was starting to feel better.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

41 Responses so far.

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  1. KevenSeven says:



  2. Jenuwin says:

    Adlib, Just watch the commercials a little bit longer and you will find a drug that will cure your ailments! Maybe Lexitor???
    Feel better soon!

  3. VegasBabe says:

    Get Well Soon Adlib! Oh dear, swine flu…I was soooooo hoping it was a media gimmick or something. Hey….I can hope if I want to! Now how does that go again? Feed the cold, starve the fever…or is it vice versa. Nevermind, just keep your butt on the sofa, drink lots of hot tea and OJ if you can, EAT for crimenys sake and sleep. pssssttt….I’m thinkin’…you might want to drop the remote control N O W ! :)

  4. KQuark says:

    Kalima and Q I think we may need to flag Adlib and stick this in speakers corner. 😉

    • Kalima says:

      Will somebody please be kind enough to get me out of here, I’m getting this sinking feeling.

      • KQuark says:

        I see Adlib helped you out which is a good thing. I’ve been trying how to get your comment posted for over half an hour with no luck. I really need to brush up on some of these admin features. I hope you are doing better than Adlib is doing these days.

        • Kalima says:

          Yes AdLib managed to get up off his sofa and rescue me. Thank you for trying though.

          I’ve forgotten the ins and outs too. :)

          I’m doing ok, should be even better as soon as this 82% humidity is over. Cheers!

  5. KQuark says:

    I hope you are feeling better Adlib.

    About the only commercials I see are football commercials since we’ve had TiVo. What kills me is when you see a “progressive” show on MSNBC talking about greedy Senators taking money from entities like drug company lobbyists when they have drug company commercials supporting their shows. I don’t know how people don’t see the hypocrisy there at all.

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks Kquark. My Bacon Fat meter is down to 3/4 full.

      As for the progressive shows cutting away to drug company ads, kinda lays wide open the way corporations see it all just as theater to get ratings and sell advertising, they don’t mind cashing in on progressives any more than conservatives.

      The money they make from exploiting each is just as green.

  6. Kalima says:

    Ello, ello! I seem to be stuck in moderation limbo after editing. Anybody there??

  7. Kalima says:

    Oops! I edited my comment, pressed save and it’s gone to moderation again.

    Stay on the sofa, stay where you are please, I can wait. :)

  8. Kalima says:

    Oh nooes, you poor thing, first for contracting the “Piggy flu” and secondly for not having the strength to either move away from or even push the remote off switch on your TeeVee. My heart goes out to you, get well soon and back away from your TV set.

    Every day I hide my remote in a different place, this morning I asked my hubby to join in the fun and I have no idea where it is. I’m eternally grateful but quite sure that our cable is nowhere near as bad as yours. All we see is short ads for things that I know I would never use even if I bought them. I used to suffer from “stress” buying, meaning if I was stressed I would buy something quite useless and feel better until I opened the box.

    I thought that I was cured until I saw a can opener I thought would change my life. It arrived with skimpy instructions and so far no one I have asked could understand how to use the darned thing. It was made in China.

    So the only thing left was to hide the remote, knowing that in the next hour or so, I would forget where I had put it for the rest of the day.

    Get well soon friend! :)

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks Kalima! I’m trying but this damn virus is as blindly stubborn as a birther.

      I wish I could read but it gives me a headache due to all the coughing.

      So I have been stuck with the dulling glow of television.

      I see my immune system right now as a disgruntled contractor who only works when it feels like it and takes lots of unnecessary breaks. Meanwhile, this virus keeps changing the channel to Fox News when I doze off. So annoying…

      • Kalima says:

        😆 A sly fox in the henhouse, “piggy flu” virus, you poor boy.

        We have an outbreak here in Tokyo, I’m staying away from crowds and hospitals, over 800 diagnosed so far. I’m hibernating.

      • KQuark says:

        I think Faux News is programed in to take over the world. Hey that conspiracy theory is just as viable as most.

  9. Questinia says:

    I’d have to say it is remarkable how boring these ads are Adlib.

    I spoke to an ex ad exec from Madison Ave. just today who said the days of Madmen were over a while ago. Back then you had to have a strong opinion on how to market. The companies marketing the product were more or less told how their product was going to be sold. These days, like Hollywood film, everything needs to be as safe as milk.

    The blandness is what numbed you, not the alpha wave rinse you were getting from the TV itself, although that could be considered the chaser.

    • AdLib says:

      Also, many companies already have an idea of what they want for an ad and the Ad Men try to punch up the lame limitations they’re stuck with.

      It’s very easy to categorize commercials. Most if not all of the ads I mentioned are meant to make the consumer feel as if they are displaying or acquiring a noble or desirable attribute by buying or being seen with the product.

      Most of anything in any aspect of the consumerism is bland. As I often mention, is there anything more bland than the most popular hamburger in the world? The most popular music in the world? The most popular movies in the world?

      Check out this list of the most popular movies:

      #1 Titanic (1997)
      #2 The Dark Knight (2008)
      #3 Star Wars: Episode IV -- A New Hope (1977)
      #4 Shrek 2 (2004)
      #5 E. T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
      #6 Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace (1999)
      #7 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)
      #8 Spider-Man (2002)
      #9 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
      #10 Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith (2005)

      How many great films are in the list above? I mean…Transformers 2 and the worst Star Wars movie that gave us Jar Jar Binx? Titanic is the greatest film made in the history of the movies?

      The lowest common denominator is always the most popular…bland and familiar enough to be consumed without being rejected by any as “too spicy”.

      Like ordering Penne Arrabiata at a Denny’s in Kansas.

      • KQuark says:

        Wow what a bad list. I understand a few movies like the original “Star Wars” because they were icons in there time but these sequels you’ve got to be kidding me. The only sequel that was as good if not better then the original was Godfather II.

      • Questinia says:

        Yes. Solely acquiring attributes with products, is the cornerstone of a country neurotic to the point of exhaustion and extinction with low self-worth.

        How awful is it to have something strategically bland targeting you, promising to make you feel grander and more desirable socially?

        I guess cynical would be the right word.

      • Questinia says:

        Have you ever had Denny’s duck a l’orange? Too DIE for!

  10. Questinia says:

    Just to put you over the edge. I’d like to take you into the world of Pringles.

    Pringles are from Procter and Gamble. Pringles earn 1 billion a year. They were named after Pringle Drive in Finneytown, Ohio. They introduce new varieties which are occasionally limited run items.

    My favorite is the Pringles Light Aroma variety. I can’t go on with this story because this is the second time I’ve written it today and after I write Pringles Light Aroma, I put myself over the edge.

    • AdLib says:

      My favorite Pringles varieties are Pringles With Bleach, Pringles Heavy Bodily Aroma and Pringles Swine Flu Flavor.

    • Questinia says:

      Pringles are 42% potato.

      I’m in love with the Pringles man.
      He loves me like nobody else’s can.
      He showers me in potato infusions
      and Pringles Light Aroma love illusions
      He’ll take me down to Pringle Drive
      Where Finneytown’s Ohio jive
      Makes me pop that tube he’s got
      And once I pop I cannot stop

      Oh yes I Love
      the Pringles man.

      • KQuark says:

        Yup and remember the story behind P&G and the devil worship?

        I mean you can see all the “666’s” in their logo, right?


        Also Pringles gets got it two ways it does not have to pay extra potato taxes because it’s not a majority potato food and it can advertise it’s wonderful potato taste.

        • Questinia says:

          That is devilish KQ!

          Pringles is a tawdry, sleazy, underhanded, good-for-nothing, love ’em and leave’em, back-door kitchen tater man.

          Lawd I love Pringles!

      • AdLib says:

        There once was a man named Pringle.
        Whose chips did resemble a shingle.
        The can he did love
        Cause it fit like a glove
        As a safe airtight home for his dingle.

        • Questinia says:

          This man who you say is named Pringle
          with his can safely encasing his dingle
          Tell me what kind of lube
          Does he use with his tube
          Can I meet him
          and mingle
          and tingle?

          • whatsthatsound says:

            I don’t see the point of these jingles
            that go sexing up faux tater Pringles
            I much prefer Lay’s
            cuz they do what they sayz,
            to the rhythm of Marvin Gaye singles

            • Questinia says:

              About Lay’s what you say
              Is quite right.
              And though Pringles moustache
              may have might.
              It’s his tube full of dingle
              That makes me write jingles
              To the meaty beat of
              Barry White.

          • KQuark says:

            😆 I’m just glad his name was not Prickly now.

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