The Blue Fairy: “A boy who won’t be good might just as well be made of wood.”
While many children enjoyed the story of Pinocchio as a cautionary tale about responsibility and honesty, Mitt Romney apparently thought it was an educational documentary. He must’ve been bewildered why Pinocchio wanted to be human, related to the idea of a conscience being something that he didn’t have and was a pest and liked the idea of others pulling his strings as long as it meant he got to have what he wanted.
On numerous occasions, Romney has demonstrated that he has more in common with firewood than fired workers. Whether it’s obliviously torturing his dog by strapping him to the roof of his car, bragging about liking to fire people, casually betting $10,000 or mentioning that his wife has “a couple of Cadillacs” in a state where most people couldn’t afford even one, all that remains to confirm suspicions is for a woodpecker to perch on his block shaped head and begin pecking away.
Mitt Romney IS made out of wood. He speaks in a wooden way, he is as stiff as a plank when dressed in jeans, he doesn’t allow cigarettes or lit matches around him and is even physically attracted to wood, “The trees here are the right height!” (Sequoias, hide your children).
As the quote above says, there is no point in a bad person being human. If Romney had a Jiminy Cricket, he’d have sprayed it with (Corporate) Raid(er) and pink slipped The Blue Fairy. He does not want to be “a real boy”, he likes not having feelings or a heart, it makes life so much easier for those who just care about satisfying themselves. But as wooden as Romney is, he still isn’t Presidential timber.
The Blue Fairy: “A lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as plain as the nose on your face.”
Mitt Romney’s untiring capacity for lying is a defining trait. By not having a conscience, he has nothing to regulate him when speaking lies instead of truth, not even the weight of his enormously long and growing nose. The GOP seems to be like a cheerleader at the Slander Bowl, rooting for Romney to keep lying and gain more yardage with each one. There only seems to be a lazy pretense at Romney’s lies not being lies, it’s just part of the game to lie and get the public to buy into them so he can win the race. And at least in the GOP primary, Romney seems to have won…by a very long nose.
The Coachman: Give a bad boy enough rope, and he’ll soon make a jackass of himself.
In the story of Pinocchio, he goes to Pleasure Island which is run by greedy men who lure in the naive with promises of giving them everything they want but in the end, turn them into working slaves of the wealthy. For Romney, this wasn’t evil, it was a reasonable career choice.
As part of the process of turning him into fodder for the wealthy, the wooden boy is turned into a jackass. One thing we can say about Romney is that when it comes to stories he likes, he’s a purist.
If the Disney version of the Pinocchio story was told without Jiminy Cricket and Geppetto and after transforming into a jackass, Pinocchio won the GOP nomination for the presidency, the parallels would be almost identical. In this updated version, Pinocchio would seek to remain wooden and oppose universal healthcare but allow tax credits for sandpaper and lacquer. He would be just fine with the Koch Brothers or whomever pulling his strings as long as he gets to perform on the biggest stage.
And how would the signature song change?
When you wish upon a lie,
Makes no difference how or why.
Everything your heart desires,
Trickles down to you.
If your lie is just a scheme,
No agenda’s too extreme.
When you wish upon a lie,
As schemers do.
Lies are kind,
They bring to those who love them
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing.
Like a dog bolted on the roof,
Lies stand up and see you through.
When you wish upon a lie
As schemers do.
So, whether or not Romney is swallowed by a whale of a lie or ends up a jackass for abandoning his conscience, he’ll always be Romnocchio to me.
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