Trump Dino Donald Trump announced today that he has nearly finished answering the written questions submitted to him by Independent Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation. While claiming it was “very easy” to answer the questions, Trump noted that the reason it has taken many months for him to answer them was that his crayons kept breaking.

“I wanted to answer every question to the best of my ability,” Trump explained. “That’s why I like to use crayons. I use Dandelion when I’m saying things that aren’t as serious, Electric Lime when I want to call attention to something and when I’m upset, it’s Burnt Sienna. I use that one quite a bit and I end up breaking it a lot,” Trump shrugged.

Trump said that he prefers using crayons to write with because they’re easier for smaller hands to hold. Also, he said he likes the option of coloring a picture to answer questions that he doesn’t have the vocabulary to explain.

“Some of those questions, they’re just perjury traps and if you don’t say things the exact right way, they’ll come after you,” Trump cautioned. “You have to know all the right words to get around telling them what they’re trying to get you to admit so for those, I color the truth,” Trump stated.

“On one about Russian collusion, I drew Roger Stone riding with Vladimir on a unicorn. On one about the Russian meeting at Trump Tower, I drew Don Junior sleeping with “z”s floating up. I’m a good draw-er,” Trump boasted before sipping from his juice box.

Trump stated that armed with a new box of crayons, he expects to be able to turn his answers over to Mueller very soon.

“You know I’m very religious, I’m a big believer in what’s-his-name…the young God-ish guy…with the beard and the Birkenstocks? You know who I mean. Anyway, I’m finishing a religious drawing to the last question then I’ll turn them all over to Mueller. It’s a drawing of Hell…freezing over…and I just broke my Aquamarine so it may take a while,” Trump snorted in amusement, before coughing apple juice out of his nose.

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AdLib, I’m about two thirds of the way through Bob Woodward’s Fear (which really is a terrific book), and in it he notes Trump’s love of signing ceremonies.

So this parody is (once again) so close to the truth that it’s almost eerie. Woodward describes Trump’s good days — when he feels somewhat energetic — as times when he would announce happily to the staff:”I want to sign something!”

He loves the cameras, the little signing desk, the Magic Markers and — most of all — his own gigantic jaggedy signature. Just the way any seven year old would.

But — when his written testimony gets him into trouble, we all know who the author of it will be then. His lawyers. No more: “I wrote it all by myself!”


He must have borrowed Ben Carson’s and cheated by not answering questions he thought were a perjury trap. His lawyers didn’t tell him that there is no such thing as a perjury trap. All you have to do is tell the truth. Oops. He doesn’t know how to do that.

“Questions posed by people who have bad intentions”. Really? Federal prosecutors? How loony is that?

“I wrote all the answers”. Good Lord, have you seen his signature?

Love the article.

Trump says he’s finished writing answers to questions from special counsel Robert Mueller –