In the tradition of the Atlanta Falcons celebrating their winning the Superbowl…up until the game ended, Donald Trump held a victory celebration at the White House, hosting House Republicans who had voted to approve their bill to make denial of health care great again. After touting how taking away guarantees of affordable coverage, basic coverage benefits and nearly one trillion in funding can only result in more and better health care, Donald Trump introduced a special guest he invited to celebrate with them, The Spectre of Death.
Death (as he insisted his friends call him), repeated all of Trump’s claims about how the changes the bill proposes would be wonderful for everyone, better health care covering more and costing less but did so with an eerie chuckle. “The AFCA will give Americans killer health care! What your president and his fellow Republicans are doing by moving the AFCA forward is dead right! This is health care to die for! In record numbers, Americans will be passing away…their Obamacare cards for Trumpcare cards! People are right to have grave concerns about their health care and Republicans are only too happy to liquidate them. Not only will the AFCA see to it that those with pre-existing conditions will be taken care of…for good, many more people will die unnecessarily and provide me with a sumptuous feast of their tortured souls…I mean, they will all have access to coverage they can’t afford to buy…wait, scratch that. Die Americans, die. Whoops, that was a boo-boo. Mr. Trump?”
Death then turned to Trump for assistance and Trump happily nodded at him, “What he’s trying to say is that health care for Americans will be better, it will be cheaper and it will make you poop gold, trust me!”
Trump then turned to give Death a bear hug and then whispered in his ear, “Very excited about our joint venture, very excited. I’ve nearly got you the AFCA and you’re rebranding Hell as “Trump Tower – The Hot Zone”. It’s gonna be yuuge!”