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AdLib On April - 1 - 2014

pregnant_woman TX

The Texas state legislature passed a controversial bill yesterday which grants the state authority to act on behalf of an unborn child to prevent a pregnant woman from taking or not taking actions that the state deems are not in the best interest of the unborn child.

Under this law, The Civil Rights of The Unborn Act, the State of Texas can now use fines and even imprisonment if they determine that an expectant mother is or may be endangering the healthy birth of their child.

State Representative Horace Dixon who authored this bill, declared this as a victory for women. “Half of the unborn will grow up to be women so protecting the unborn means protecting the lives of women.”

Opponents of the new law including Planned Parenthood and NARAL have harshly criticized it, stating that in Texas, pregnant women will now be more regulated than cattle. Representative Dixon responded by saying, “If cattle ever became a threat to the life of an unborn child then that should change but since they’re not, it’s not a fair comparison.”

Women’s rights groups are greatly concerned at how this law authorizes the state government to require pregnant women to have an approved diet, avoid activities the state deems inadvisable and participate in activities the state has decided are in the best interest of the unborn child such as attending church.

“Women now need to keep a log of what they eat and drink each day or someone could report them for mistreating their unborn child and they could be jailed. This is outrageous and demeaning,” stated Anna Phelps of Planned Parenthood. “If they want to fully insulate themselves from being prosecuted and persecuted, pregnant women have to go to church, they can’t have sex after the fourth month of pregnancy, they can’t even ride in a car. This is going back hundreds of years and treating women more like breeding stock than human beings.”

Rep. Dixon disputes the claims of Phelps and others who view this law as oppressive of women. “We are actually valuing and protecting women. When liberals pass laws to have government inspect factories in order to protect people, no one says they’re oppressing factories. So it’s hypocritical of liberals to complain when government inspects the lives of women to protect the unborn.”

Dixon further explained his support of the law, “Once a woman gets pregnant, she should recognize that it’s not just her body anymore and she can’t just make decisions for herself. She’s now like an apartment building that has a renter and that renter has rights, we’re just protecting their rights until they can protect themselves.”

Now that pregnant women are essentially to be regulated in the state of Texas, Dixon predicts that Texas will lead the nation in birthrates. “We may be towards the bottom of the list on what we spend on the poor and what percentage in our state are uninsured but this law should put us at the top of the list on births! Don’t mess with Texas!”

Asked about how the increase in births may be impacted by Texas’ low standing on care for the poor and uninsured, Dixon explained, “The life of the unborn is precious and it is society’s responsibility to do everything in their power to protect them. Once they’re born, it takes money to protect them and society shouldn’t be burdened with that so it’s up to them to sink or swim. After all, there are always plenty more where they came from.”

Happy April Fools Day, Planeteers!

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

30 Responses so far.

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  1. Assumed Name says:

    …it could happen! :b (And, yep, you had me poised to fact check. :)

  2. jjgravitas says:

    The linked report outlines the actual plans Kansas has to regulate women’s reproductive systems. Surrender, Dorothy!


    • Nirek says:

      JJ, that story tells me that the “separation of church and state” in Kansas has been overlooked. Kansas is in the “Bible belt” isn’t it?

      I have no problem with religion as long as the religious folks don’t push their religion on me or anyone else.

      • jjgravitas says:

        Nirek, I think you’d probably be very unhappy in Kansas, as they push their religious views on everybody.
        F.Y.I. Kansas is part of the Midwest; the Bible Belt consists mainly of the Southern states bordering the Gulf of Mexico. Not surprised you’d think that though, which is why I’ve been lumping the South and the Midwest together in some of my recent comments. Religious extremism is endemic to both areas.

  3. James Michael Brodie says:

    Dude, you got me. LOL! April Fools to you, my friend…

  4. James Michael Brodie says:

    These folks on the Right truly believe that corporations are people. Very sad.

  5. pinkpantheroz says:

    AdLib, Don’t post this to Fox. They’ll want to hire you as a consultant!

  6. Kalima says:

    You naughty AdLib, you!!

    Being as we are already well into the 2nd, I had forgotten all about April Fools Day.

    There I was frothing at the mouth like an old fashioned expresso machine because this is exactly what some chinless GOP twit in Texas might try. Then I find your last sentence and was too exhausted to laugh.

    I’m back now so, 😆 and well done. I sincerely hope we are not being read by a bunch of RW extremists, because you just made their day.

    • AdLib says:

      Kalima, imagine what RWs would post on their site on April Fool’s Day, “Republicans to be Reasonable and Work to Make the Nation Better.” Or, “Tea Party Bars Racists From Being Members.”

      Trying to simulate Repub thinking requires restrained lunacy while simulating Republicans pranking on April Fool’s Day just requires expressing common sense.

      I don’t think RW’s would be pleased by reading this post and comments, just confused at why the post would be seen as an outrage.

      Happy Day After April Fool’s Day!

      • jjgravitas says:

        You know what Isn’t an April Fool’s joke? Both Kansas and Mississippi are planning to or are proposing laws to allow trying women for murder for miscarrying a baby. Knowing that was what took me a minute to realize that Adlib was kidding. The South and the Midwest are just a step or two from being completely bananas.

        • AdLib says:

          jj, that’s even a step further than my prank post! I’ve heard of these lunatics proposing such bills but I couldn’t imagine even Repub legislators being willing to have their own wives and daughters arrested and convicted of murder for a miscarriage.

          Then again, they are Republicans…

      • Kalima says:

        “We love Obamacare!”

        “We just adore the President”.

        “We are giving away millions when we volunteer in the Soup Kitchens around America, and opening up our homes to the homeless”.

        “We love the poor. If we didn’t steal all their/your money for our rich pimps, we would be poor too”.

        “We were just teasing about Benghazi”.

        “We can’t stand the Koch brothers, they smell funny, and believe in climate change”.

        It would be endless

        • AdLib says:

          Kalima, isn’t it amazing how “wrong” and absurd it seems to have Republicans saying true or reasonable things?

          Why am I smiling at each of your quotes? If they had come from Dems I’d just be nodding.

          Pretty simple and direct proof of how awful the GOP has become.

          • Kalima says:

            Exactly AdLib, from anyone with a social conscience, it seems normal, and yet they go on and on trying to pass these crazy and invasive bills.

            They also passed a “religious freedom” bill dubbed as “turn away the gays” similar to the one in Arizona. Taking away the freedom of millions has nothing to do with their faux “religious freedom” and the courts who uphold it are biased.

            Why they continue to pass bills that are struck down in other states is beyond me. It’s like putting your hand in an open flame more than once expecting it not to hurt the next time you try it. It’s a form of insanity and desperation combined.


            20-week abortion ban heads to gov.
            Bryant says he’ll ‘quickly’ sign bill into law


      • pinkpantheroz says:

        Perhaps, AdLib, “The Republican Convention will be held for the first time overseas. Book your Flights and Hotels in Benghazi right away to avoid disappointment!”

  7. Dbos says:

    The old lirpa loof at it again

  8. pinkpantheroz says:

    Oooohhh sneaky! There I was, just like the others, about to explode in fulminating fury, when I spotted it. Extremely well done, but please don’t do it more often. I’m on Blood pressure tablets!

  9. kesmarn says:

    AdLib, I’m going to pay close attention to Texas and any sort of proposed legislation over the next few days, because you know that you have a track record of your parodies becoming reality all too often!

    Don’t give them any ideas!

    I was buying this one just like everyone else. You are good! It’s so close to the kind of stuff that they actually do spew.

    You could have taken it just a wee step further, though. They could require all pregnant women to eat beef and carry guns as well. Literal pistol-packin’ mommas — with plenty of good Texas cattle hormones coursing through their veins!


    • AdLib says:

      Kes, it’s ridiculous but true, I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled too!

      I was considering blowing out the post at the end just as you described, requiring women to eat BBQ and carry guns to fully protect their unborn baby, we do think a lot alike!

  10. jjgravitas says:

    Ohhh, Adlib.

    You got me.

    Although it’s not implausible that the GOP might put forward a law like this, I was wondering what would possess Texas or any other state to pass something this absurd. Then I caught the line at the end.

    It is an April Fools joke … right?

  11. Nirek says:

    Ad, you got me. I was taking notes for my response.
    Like they want to take care of a fetus but after it is born they refuse to care for it. ie, cuts in food stamps.

    You actually may have written a Bill for those republicans.

    Good joke, Ad.

    • AdLib says:

      Thanks Nirek! Wanted to go just a half step above reality to make it work but a half step beyond reality is just 6 months ahead of actual Republican thinking!

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