They may be hard bitten political figures but they too make up lists of wishes to send to Santa, in hopes that he’ll bring them what they want:

 

John Boehner

 “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my missing spine, these shoe prints cleaned off of my suit and face and a very thick and absorbent handkerchief.”

 

Mitt Romney

“What I would like from you St. Nicholas is a very expensive artificial tree, a more convincing fake laugh and a word that simultaneously means “yes” and “no” (“Nyep”?).

 

Pres. Barack Obama

“Between the GOP Presidential field and the recent Republican House fight against tax cuts, I’ve received so many wonderful gifts already from the GOP, I’d feel guilty asking Santa for anything more.”

 

Newt Gingrich

 “Dear Santa, I would like (and deserve) the Presidency, an amnesia ray mounted in a satellite or the moon which could affect an entire nation and a redefinition of marriage to mean one man, one woman and one affair…at a time.”

 

Ron Paul

“We shouldn’t be investing wishes in a foreigner who doesn’t even live in the United States! We need to spend our wishes here! And anyway, the only fictional character I believe in is Ayn Rand.”

 

Michele Bachmann

“I would like an industrial sized eye drop applicator, the Patsy Cline song, “Crazy”, a mega pack of D batteries, a war with Iran that brings about End Times and a corn dog.”

 

 

Charles and David Koch

Give us everything now, Santa, you fat fuck!

 

 

 

Corporations as people

What the Kochs said.

 

 

 

Sarah Palin

“Attention…lots and lots of attention…please Santa, I’m going through withdrawals and it hurts like acid burning through my veins! Please!”

 

Herman Cain

A Nine-nine-nine figure salary as a Fox commentator, a subscription to Playboy, the book “Secretary of Defense For Dummies” and smiling in slow motion becoming the coolest new trend with the kids (including that Just A Beeper kid).

 

Here’s hoping Santa makes all your wishes come true!

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boomer1949
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Consistency, humor, satire, and AdLib…the root of all belly laughs.

Wouldn’t be the Planet without you, Sheriff.

Merci beaucoup, boomer

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choicelady
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Beautifully tailored, AdLib. Santa will be putting you on as a wish consultant. This is definitely your forte, both definining these wishes and then responding. You are guaranteed a lifetime gig at the North Pole, I’m sure! Thank you for a lovely laugh and REAL insight into the scary minds of the GOP. And for reminding us there IS an adult in the room who will leave Santa milk and cookies but NOT ask for anything back. What a mensch!

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SueInCa
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Adlib

When I read the Koch brothers wish, it reminded me of that bad bad letter to Santa from Johnny, you probably know the one, if not, here it is:

http://www.funnyhumor.com/jokes/1151.php

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choicelady
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Clearly “Johnnie” is merely a pseudonym adopted by one or both Koch brothers. Their imprint is alllll over this letter! You’ve outed them, Sue. Good job.

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Chernynkaya
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So speaking of the Republican field, George Carlin once again simplifies it for us:

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Chernynkaya
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The only politician on that list who wants what I want is President Barack Obama. The rest of them are all self-serving egomaniacal greedsters. That’s really true–He is actually the only one who consistently talks about the welfare of The People. The others never even mention that.

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AlphaBitch
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AlphaBitch

So I just chatted w/ Santa. Here is what he said:

For Boehner: Tell him the oversized absorbent hankie can be found as the Depends he now needs.

Romney: The word is “Nosi”.

Gingrich: NO problem. Since you love war and wimmens, I’m sending you to Afghanistan, where you may have up to four wives at any given time, plus have “temporary wives” for a few weeks. Young boys are available at any time, if you are a Talib fauz Muslim.

Paul: What you seem to need is some self-belief. Or maybe just some more tinfoil. That’s it.

Bachmann: You are getting a pseudo corndog that runs on batteries. Marcus just isn’t that into you, if you get the drift.

Koch Brothers: You’re on the naughty list.

Palin: First you GET veins (and arteries) to that hair – bumpit holder above your shoulders. Requested by all those who paid attention to you in the past.

Cain: You, sir, get a lump of coal pizza.

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Chernynkaya
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OK, you made me laugh out loud! I was smiling as I read “Nyep!” (and BTW I am gonna use that at home), but when I got to what the Kochs wanted–that took me over the edge to a hearty laugh!

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Parsifals
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Parsifals

I needed &/or wanted a laugh and you provided just that; a perfect Christmas present for me. Many thanks, Adlib 🙂 and all the best to you and yours for ’12.

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