They may be hard bitten political figures but they too make up lists of wishes to send to Santa, in hopes that he’ll bring them what they want:
“All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my missing spine, these shoe prints cleaned off of my suit and face and a very thick and absorbent handkerchief.”
“What I would like from you St. Nicholas is a very expensive artificial tree, a more convincing fake laugh and a word that simultaneously means “yes” and “no” (“Nyep”?).
“Between the GOP Presidential field and the recent Republican House fight against tax cuts, I’ve received so many wonderful gifts already from the GOP, I’d feel guilty asking Santa for anything more.”
“Dear Santa, I would like (and deserve) the Presidency, an amnesia ray mounted in a satellite or the moon which could affect an entire nation and a redefinition of marriage to mean one man, one woman and one affair…at a time.”
“We shouldn’t be investing wishes in a foreigner who doesn’t even live in the United States! We need to spend our wishes here! And anyway, the only fictional character I believe in is Ayn Rand.”
“I would like an industrial sized eye drop applicator, the Patsy Cline song, “Crazy”, a mega pack of D batteries, a war with Iran that brings about End Times and a corn dog.”
“Give us everything now, Santa, you fat fuck!”
“What the Kochs said.”
“Attention…lots and lots of attention…please Santa, I’m going through withdrawals and it hurts like acid burning through my veins! Please!”
“A Nine-nine-nine figure salary as a Fox commentator, a subscription to Playboy, the book “Secretary of Defense For Dummies” and smiling in slow motion becoming the coolest new trend with the kids (including that Just A Beeper kid).”
Here’s hoping Santa makes all your wishes come true!