Conspiracy Revealed: The VA Earthquake Wasn’t Kosher

I have it upon reliable authority that the East Coast earthquake was deliberately caused via collusion between Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanuel, Ben Bernanke, Dave Axelrod and the owners of the Carnegie Deli to increase the relative real estate value of Miami Beach shore property (otherwise known as the “Jewish Riviera” aka the “WAY South Bronx”).

First, all of the major breaches and cracks within the Ramapo Fault System were lubricated using an ancient technique found in the Kabballah, utilizing generous amounts of schmalz to allow for an increased reaction.

Then, using H.A.R.P.O. technology (Heated Arrugula thru Repetitive Pummeling of Obamacare), fetid rightwing talking points were chanted through cheap pa systems at specific high frequencies.

This caused a harmonic phasing effect that (when coupled with the subsonic sound waves produced when MOSSAD members wearing corduroy pants rubbed their legs together in unison) created a “critical mass” of really annoying sounds.

This initiated the temblor.

It has been reported by those close to the conspiracy that WTC owner Larry Silverstein, who financed the endeavor, was overheard yelling “pull it” just before the enormous vats of chicken fat were poured into the strategically placed drill-holes.

Besides the upside in the condo-market, an added ‘bonus’ that is desired will result from the tsunami that will hopefully grow out of the East River… eventually hitting Southern Florida, carrying with the excess schmalz large amounts of kippered herring and gefilte fish ready for consumption.

Additional evidence proving Zionist treachery can be seen in this footage just obtained of dancing Jews celebrating the impending feast.