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Caru On February - 18 - 2011

The Battle Line is Drawn in Madison

I am writing to you today, Governor, to express my concern about the troubling happenings in your state capitol. I must first say that you have my sympathy. It must be terrifying to be faced by a rowdy mob of well-educated people. That’s a fate that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Secondly, I must say that I wholeheartedly agree with your phallic stance on this issue. Why should state workers have collective bargaining rights? This isn’t a democracy, it’s a republic. However, I’ve noticed that you are currently finding it difficult to decide upon your next course of action. This is why I am writing to you: To sound you out on my proposal about how to resolve this situation. Fire everybody.

Now, I know this sounds drastic, but desperate men call for desperate measures. Firing all state workers would not have any significant negative effect. After all, you could simply call in the National Guard to fill all those posts. It’s not like they have other, very important, things to do.

However, I feel that this will not be necessary. This is because private industry will immediately step in to fill the void left after you’ve sacked everybody. After all, we all know that policing, fire-fighting and education are all lucrative short-term ventures.

The best part of my proposal is that it will immediately plug your state deficit. It will also ensure that your state government will not suffer any future budgetary problems, as there won’t be a state government. In fact, you won’t even have a job. But don’t fret, soon to be ex-Governor, my proposal is completely in keeping with our shared Conservative principal of small government.

Forgive me for being blunt, but you are entirely unnecessary.

All the best.

Written by Caru

I don't really have anything of note to put in here... Oh, I won a bar of chocolate once.

41 Responses so far.

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  1. ASmom says:

    Bravo, Caru! Keep em coming!

  2. AlphaBitch says:

    Great one, Caru! Couldn’t resist reading it before I log off.

    What seems to escape the gov is that these are PUBLIC sector jobs. For example: It’s not a private school, so they can’t decide to NOT take a student. The teachers teach children with behavorial and medical problems. The fireman doesn’t get to decide whether or not he has to save the alcoholic who set the building on fire. The police can’t decide NOT to take a call for the umpteenth time on a domestic violence issue. Why? BECAUSE they serve the PUBLIC. The good, the bad and the downright ugly.

    They don’t have a chance to make millions or increase the dividends of their “company” to get more money. Or to NOT serve certain people.

    Collective bargaining which helps form the “golden” parachute is the ONLY way to lure some folks into working what can be thankless jobs.

    Sure, there are some that need to go. But even that stubborn, ineffective, inefficient DMV lady (you know her, no matter where you live -- she’s the one with the wig on slightly crooked, and the lipstick slightly smeared) has to take a load of crap each day that I would likely lean over and punch someone for. So she may not be the best, but (in the words of Charlie Robison), she may be “the best that I can do”. I certainly don’t want her job, even with the benes.

    I’ve never been pro-union, but I certainly understand the concept of strength in numbers. It’s not needed any more than now. Of course, that just my POV.

  3. MIVOTE says:

    NICE!! The Gov…must not understand that he too is a public employee.

    • UpstateSC says:

      That’s the problem with GOPers, they don’t understand that they are to serve the public. They think it’s the other way around, we, the people, are to serve them.

      Another thing they don’t understand is that we are all in this together. They want the rest of us to make sacrifices while they continue to live the life of Riley. The GOP is too short-sighted to see that if we go down, so will they, or most of them will. It may later for them rather than sooner, but it will happen.

  4. UpstateSC says:

    Great post Caru, makes me think of Jonathan Swift, specifically “A Modest Proposal”. I especially like this line “Forgive me for being blunt, but you are entirely unnecessary.” That is how I feel about the entire Republican Party.

  5. chillfactor says:

    Hello Everyone! I am a transplant from HP. I was born, raised, and educated in Minnesota. When I retired I settled in New Mexico. I was raised on the Iron Range and my dad was pro-union all the way! So am I. I am very proud of the people in Wisconsin for fighting to preserve their rights! [img]avatar_7445[1][/img]

    • jdmn17 says:


      Welcome from a twin cities guy. Nice to have a ex-Ranger on board, though I’ve heard it said you can never shake your Ranger roots. Guessing your last name ends with an “ich” or “ski” :-)

      I know well the history of the range and it’s strong union heritage.

      The scene in WI would easily be repeated here in MN if the newly elected RED Legislature gets their way. Hard to imagine that two wonderfully state so rich in liberal, progressive, union history could both go this way. Small farmers went away, replaced by rich ones owning most of the land. The mines mostly closed, well, you know the rest.

      Good to see you.

      • PocketWatch says:

        jdm & chill..

        I have a ton of cousins up on the ‘Range! Yah hey!

        • jdmn17 says:


          Have you ever heard of a two-four?

          That’s ranger for a case of beer.

          Rangers are awesome. Mostly old slav’s and eastern Euro’s who mine the red ore. Did you know it may be the oldest exposure of mineral in North America? They are down in the old mine shafts taking water samples that are seeping up from below. They are finding amazing things such as bacteria that thrives without oxygen, I saw a snippet on the news and it all sounds very interesting.

          • PocketWatch says:

            jdm… no, haven’t heard that one, but it sounds right. My cousins are generally in logging for paper mills.


            My first cousin DJ is an infamous poacher. He denies it, but when tries to tell us the bear he shot was trying to get into his kitchen window and he HAD to do it, we all crack up!

            • PocketWatch says:

              jdm -- Bears, deer, porcupine.. all can be real pests and actually dangerous in large numbers. What “citified” people sometimes don’t see is the tragic loss of whole populations because carrying capacity is exceeded.

              However, my cousin DJ took that bear in his back yard. I’m convinced of it. That pile of apples, carrots and potatoes might have been a clue, I don’t know. He’s not much of a gardener, and the “compost pile” sort of didn’t make sense! LOL

            • jdmn17 says:

              Bear poachers. Oh I’m going to piss some folks off. The black bears in northern MN are often cute and interesting but they tear the hell out of campsites and break into cabins. Once they lose they wariness with humans they are pests. Man contributes with sloppy handling of trash and leaving fish guts by the shore, stupid humans. I’ve had them pawing at the door of my cabin three times over the years, nothing different from any other trips. The resort owner down the road has shot several actually breaking into rental cabins. And they are bigger than you think. That “little” black ball of fur, once we had a male stand up and scratch against a spruce tree, we marked it on the tree and it was almost six feet to the shoulder rub spot.

    • Truth says:

      chillfactor, another familiar face -- very welcome. Pocket Watch set up a step-by-step instruction for me at the Help Desk. If you scroll down enough it will be right there. I hope you have the media button in the dashboard -- in mine it was missing first…

    • KB723 says:

      chillfactor, Welcome to the Planet.

  6. ChrisR266 says:

    This is a fine letter, Caru.
    Hope you sent it well on its way.

  7. jkkFL says:

    Love it Caru- would you write one to Mike Pence too?!!
    Was at the other place- some loudmouth going on about firing everyone in WI- I challenged him on who would replace everyone- he seemed to think there would be plenty of people who would come there and Work Cheaper!
    I reminded him that WI is not the garden of eden for 9 months out of the year- and who the hell would work in Canadian weather for less than $42,000??
    I left without reading his 2 pane reply!

    • jdmn17 says:


      We in MN like to think of it as three months of shit followed by six months of trying to repair the three months and three months getting ready for the shitty three months. Somewhere in there is nice weather, it’s not for that faint of heart or thin of blood

  8. jdmn17 says:

    I remember when RR fired the air traffic controllers. What a FUBAR act

    • moongal6 says:

      I remember when RR closed down state hospitals and released thousands criminally insane and mentally ill and retarded people out on the streets. I was CA state employee at one of the hospitals NOT shut down. Most of them eventually ended up in one of the institutions not closed. Double shifts, no overtime pay, working 6 days straight. RR actions started a truly visible early homelessness in CA. What a guy.

      • jdmn17 says:


        I was an allied health student in 1975 -- within two years (I think) they shut down the “mental” hospitals in MN. Thousands of people were shoved into the streets where they or their replacements live today. I have no idea where and how they were absorbed. I suspect many of them fled here when it got cold and ended up another state’s problem. Pretty practical in MN. If you have no shelter and the shelters are full then you’re at risk to freeze. Surprised more don’t

      • My parents decided to leave California (supposedly) because Reagan ended a program that provided medical assistance to kids who were handicapped.

        I was in leg braces up to that time, to correct the fact that I walked with my feet facing each other.

        My little brother had feet where the bones did not develop until later, so he had to wear special shoes to prevent him from touching his toes to his heel, while his foot was flat on the floor.

        According to my mother, Reagan at the same time dedicated parks and highways to some of his cronies who were under investigation for various scandals.

  9. ADONAI says:

    Considering the insane amount of cheese this country consumes every year, it’s hard to understand how the “Cheese State” is having money problems.

    • ChrisR266 says:

      Ah, that’s the rub, Wisconsin wasn’t having money problems until the Governor gave out over 100 million dollars of tax abatements to large corporations who are now paying NO taxes. The deficit he cites is because of the lost revenue from taxes.
      The state budget was running a surplus until he took over.
      FUBAR is accurate.

    • Chernynkaya says:

      I think Caifornia actually produces the most--cheese that is.

      • jdmn17 says:

        Cher, we only see MN and WI cheese here in MN. Or imported, they must make Velveeta out your way :-)

        • On the west coast, we see a lot of Oregon and Washington cheese.

          I did not see much California cheese while living in Palm Springs.

        • Chernynkaya says:


          Boring cheese stats:

          Total cheese production in the U.S. in July was 882 million pounds, 4.7 percent more than a year ago. Italian type production increased 5.3 percent to 364 million pounds while American type output was 4 percent higher than July of last year at 369 million pounds and Cheddar production increased 2.6 percent to 276.5 million pounds.

          Wisconsin total cheese production in July slipped 0.6 percent from a year ago to 221.7 million pounds. The Badger State saw a 2.6 percent increase in American cheese production to 73.7 million pounds, Cheddar output gained 3.3 percent to 56.4 million pounds while Italian production slipped 0.7 percent to 104 million pounds.

          California total cheese production in July was 188.37 million pounds up 12.8 percent from a year ago. Italian type production in the Golden State jumped 16.8 percent to 116.17 million pounds while American production nudged 0.7 percent higher at 52.4 million pounds and Cheddar output dropped 9.1 percent to 27.3 million pounds.

          No reason, but just becasue I’m on the interweb thingy.

          • jdmn17 says:

            Data is hysterical, We actually go to the factories in MN and WI and buy bulk. Once I went sort of wild and bought a wheel of Asiago. It was five years before I could even look at Asiago and not get nauseous

      • ADONAI says:

        Is there anything they can’t do?

        I mean, besides govern themselves effectively.

        • Chernynkaya says:

          Whelp, you answered your own question. The state my be ungovernable. It’s pretty damn big. And agriculture and Hollywood are a weird mix.

    • jdmn17 says:

      Given how much cheese my son consumes he could pay for one teacher all by himself

  10. dimplasm says:

    I send them emails all the time. I get back written letters from some that are so full of bullshit and smoke and mirrors, right wing talking points, and religious tripe it hurts my head. But I will keep writing them.

  11. Chernynkaya says:

    Oh, and Gov? Who pays for the freaking National Guard? They must be some real leeches, living off the Government dole.

  12. jdmn17 says:

    Awesome Caru, keep it going, I’m going to send it to my own lovely red legislators here in MN

  13. SueInCa says:

    Great one Caru. Love your sense of humor and irony.

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