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AdLib On January - 12 - 2011

My car broke down yesterday right outside GOP headquarters here in Los Angeles yesterday. As fate would have it, my cell phone was out of juice. I decided to go into their offices and asked Dick Headly, the gentleman who turned out to be the head of the GOP in CA, if I could use their phone to call AAA and an interesting conversation unfolded:

DICK: No you can’t call AAA on our phones, they’re not for calling socialists.

ME: The AAA is socialist?

DICK: They “help” people instead of letting people help themselves. Being an American means you have the freedom not to help anybody at anytime for anything. And we Republicans value our freedom! Not the Democrats though, look at how they’re trying to take away our freedom by accusing us of expressing hostility and violence in our rhetoric. Those sons o’ bitches should be strung up!

ME: So…you’re saying that you don’t use angry and violent language?

DICK: Are you fucking deaf? Hell no!

ME: What about all the gun references in all these political statements by Republicans?

DICK: Shoot, you’re so off target! Just because we rifle through a few loaded phrases, we still aim carefully to hit the political bulls eye with our army of party regulars. We’re only gunning for putting the crosshairs on our enemies and pulling the trigger on penetrating shots at them. And we would like to shoot them with our guns. Whoops, scratch that last bit.

ME: I noticed that after accusations that there were too many hateful and violent political sentiments being expressed, the Republicans, even though they weren’t mentioned, reacted very angrily.

DICK: Who wouldn’t be angry at being told they use hateful speech? And the Democrats are the real haters for accusing people of being hateful. Just as blacks are the real racists for accusing white people of racism and refs are the cause of fouls because they call them.

ME: So, are you saying that only criticism of hateful speech is hateful?

DICK: Exactly! Look, if a target with a political opponent’s initials on it is shot in the forest and there’s no one there to criticize it, did it really express violence?

ME: So there is a philosophical aspect to your usage of violent rhetoric.

DICK: Here’s how we in the GOP look at it, “I shoot, therefore I am…not gay.”

ME: That was a bit homophobic. And overly insistent.

DICK: (proudly) Why, thank you!

At this point, I saw a tow truck pull up outside behind my car and guessed some socialist soul had kindly called them for me. I shook hands with Mr. Headly which was a good thing because once outside, the tow truck driver said I needed a quart of oil so I just let it drip off my hand and gladly drove my car away.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

32 Responses so far.

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  1. choicelady says:

    OK, after a VERY long two days, good ones but stressful and creating scads more work for me, I had a headache, upset stomach, and sinus problems. I admit the sinus was probably not related, but I’m kvetching here, don’t bother me with details.

    So as I said, I sat down to read this and wound up laughing SO HARD I now feel 100% renewed!!!! The biggest guffaw of course is the oil fillup, but the whole imagery is spot on and freaking believable!!!

    I’ve been listening to various people defend Sarah on her “blood libel” comment, and what amazes me -- other than the conservative Jews who have sold out to her Christian Dominionism in support of Zionism -- is the Mystique of Victimhood that permeates the Right. It’s what gives them the gumption to be uncivil. They’re victims, you see.

    Victims of WHAT one might ask. Well -- we liberals and worse have taken away ALL their freedoms and are enslaving them!!! Can you NOT see that? We point at her for her utter irresponsibility in using gun sights on Congressional Districts. When someone takes her up on that imagery, well -- she has suffered mortally from our repressive criticism! When we tell her fellow Dominionists that they cannot use the institutions of government to proselytize -- we are stripping them of their “religious freedom”. When we tell anti-abortion protesters that they must stay 15 feet from unwilling patients and clinic entrances, why -- they are “persecuted” for their beliefs!!!

    Conservatives have created the cult of victimhood. Why? Because REAL victims have helped create real change. So Faux Victims can at LEAST whine and flap and demand the same. When some of us don’t buy it, that’s when AdLib’s scenario kicks in -- if they can’t demand compensation and changed laws to assure they keep power and money, well then they create Double Speak and incivility. White is black, rich is poor, thugs are abused, thieves are robbed, head stompers demand apologies from the stompee, and someone who is criticized has suffered a “blood libel”. You doubt it? You $^(*&# !!! -- we’ll show YOU!!!!

    Most 4-year-olds know better, but the conservatives have raised whining and self pity and victimization to an art form. It is now public policy. For them, you understand, for them and only them. They need a new form of affirmative action -- be nice to white conservatives.

    So yes, AdLib, thank you for a great laugh at their delusions!!! It seriously made my day. You nailed it and them, and if they never EVER get an “ah hah” moment of self awareness, well at least they’re good for major entertainment!!!

    • SueInCa says:

      I sent an email to you and the team.

    • SueInCa says:

      Choice Lady
      I always enjoy your comments. If you want to unload a few things on me, let me know. I am shooting for the database to be done by Wednesday, then I am free so can take on more. If I come in, I come in no big deal.

    • kesmarn says:

      I still remember the calm, almost dismissive tone then-future-Prez Obama used during the campaign, c’lady, when he referred to the RW flap over his “lipstick on a pig” comment as “phony outrage.”

      They just have phony outrage honed to an art, don’t they? It’s hard to imagine that, back in Sarah’s basketball days, she wasn’t the kind of player who would dramatically crash to the floor, grimacing and writhing in faux misery, when an opponent merely brushed against her. What better way to gain an advantage in the game than by having the ref call a foul on the opposing team?

      Too bad that seems to be just about the only skill she took away from her high school career… πŸ™

      But, turning to a person who is not working on a PhD in self-pity — namely, you! — I have to say that I hope you’re feeling better now.

      • choicelady says:

        Thank you, kes, yes! AdLib’s provision of laughter made me allllll better! And I LOVE the image you offer up of Sarah crashing to the floor in pumped-up “injury”. I bet you’re right!

        Have a GOOD day, all. Here are liberal memes --

        Love is better than hate. Laughter is better than self-pity. Kindness is never wrong. Inclusion is better than isolation. Pouting sucks.

        Planeteers know these things. Maybe others who wallow in self indulgence and mock victimhood will figure them out. Hope is better than not.

  2. Chernynkaya says:

    The Word, by Stephen Cobert was just amazing. “Life, Libery, and the Pursuit of Angriness.”

    Five minutes of perfection, IMHO. (Sorry for the buzzkill ad, but worth it.)


    The Colbert Report Mon -- Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
    The Word -- Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Angriness
    Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog</a> Video Archive

    EDIT: In all sincerity, AdLib’s post was every bit as good!

  3. Chernynkaya says:

    “Mark DeMoss Disbands ‘Civility Project,’ Citing Conservative Attacks, Grim View On Discourse”

    “The worst e-mails I received about the civility project were from conservatives with just unbelievable language about communists, and some words I wouldn’t use in this phone call,” DeMoss told The Times.

    And this is funny in a gallows humor way:

    The pledge he sent to 585 representatives, was simple:

    I will be civil in my public discourse and behavior.

    I will be respectful of others whether or not I agree with them.

    I will stand against incivility when I see it.

    Yet two years after the launching of the initiative, he had only three signatures: Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-Conn.) and Reps. Frank Wolfe (R-Va.) and Sue Myrick (R-N.C.).

    • choicelady says:

      What creeps me out is that Sue Myrick is the woman who wrote the preface to some RW book that affirms a “Muslim conspiracy” because CAIR openly -- and this is the key issue -- is seeking to place some of their young leaders into Congressional internships. How something open and transparent can be a “conspiracy” eludes me, but Myrick is wedded to this notion, and she is part of a small but intense group wanting to rid Congress of ALL “Muslim influence and infiltration”. So her signing the civility pledge has left my brain in a meltdown. Yikes.

    • AdLib says:

      It is kind of funny, at first I thought it was an Onion headline.

      “The Anti-Civility Act (called the Pro-Expression Act by supporters) has passed in both The House and The Senate almost unanimously. The bill would ban the use of the words “Please”, “Excuse Me” and “My Colleague” from use in the U.S. Congress and in campaigns.

      Instead, the words, “Go To Hell”, “Up Yours” and “Douchebag” will be required to be used when speaking on the floors of the House and Senate.

      Republican leaders were quick to respond, “The douchebags on the other side of the aisle can go to hell. Up yours, socialists!”

      Democratic leaders heralded the passage of this bill by spitting on the heads of Republicans from up in the gallery.

      The arming of Congresspeople with eggs and raw tomatoes established by this bill, are expected to be put in place by the State of the Union speech.

  4. kesmarn says:

    Dear AdLib, I just had to take advantage of the handy “email this” button at the bottom of your post to send this off to the very lib Mercy women I’ve been known to hang out with on occasion.

    They’ve had their own batch of troubles in AZ, what with their compassionate policies at one of their hospitals coming under fire from RW religious folks (yeah, there’s a claque of ’em in Catholicism, too…sigh). Excommunication resulted.

    I know they’ll appreciate your finely-honed sense of humor, because they have the same brand!

    Plus — added bonus — you’ll very likely have a boatload of candles lit for you and the Planet.

    • AdLib says:

      Wow! How cool and kind of you, Kes!

      The Bizarro nature of what your friends have experienced is stunning. Excommunicated because they showed “too much” compassion for those who are suffering? WWJEFSTMC (Who Would Jesus Excommunicate For Showing Too Much Compassion?)

      Please let them know that they still have a Planet of people who are grateful to them for all that they do.

      I’d bet Choicelady would have a few appropriate thoughts to share on this too.

      Cheers Kes, you made my day!

  5. Mightywoof says:

    …. the tow truck driver said I needed a quart of oil so I just let it drip off my hand and gladly drove my car away

    I don’t know whether to do a rim shot or say ouch πŸ˜†

    I’m getting tired of hearing the rw, I’m getting tired if hearing about them ……… how much more must you all, living below the line, be totally pissed off having to deal with them!

    • AdLib says:

      MW, I have a feeling that by 2012, a meaningful majority of the nation will express how tired they are of all the BS and hatred from the RW.
      Polls came out showing that the public is optimistic that the Repubs and Obama can work together…put these dimwits in the polls were basing that on the lame duck session…when the Dems controlled both houses.

      The Repubs had scheduled a vote on repealing HCR this week but the shooting made them delay it. They will be back at it shortly though, along with all their other destructive policies and voters will get more than tired of all the nastiness from them and the 2012 hopefuls.

      I think they’re going to find in 2012 how much they’ve overplayed a weak hand.

      • whatsthatsound says:

        Hopefully, at some point in the near future, the whole party and its lockstep media will morph into some sort of staged professional sporting event like wrestling. Tag Team Match! The Palinator and Mt. Rushmore vs. Christine the Witch and Hammerin’ Hannity!

        Great post, btw!

      • Mightywoof says:

        From your lips to dog’s ears Adlib -- talking about dog -- have you heard from him lately? Is He taking time off from blogging πŸ™‚

        • AdLib says:

          I have a feeling he will be blogging again pretty soon, he’s been on vacation for the holidays with his son. They went to Alaska and brought back to life everything Palin killed up there except her political future.

  6. Kalima says:

    πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† Thanks for this laugh my friend, and for the ringing of truth in it that permeated my ears and eyes.

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