Just what kind of weapon would Jesus carry around?  Questions? Questions?      How about this dandy Smith and Wesson?  It’s everything you need in a tactical  rifle at a price that makes other the riffle makers weep.  Is Jesus the frugal type?

Or maybe Jesus is more of an International type of guy.  He might like this Glock.  Glock has been supplying the Austrian Military  for decades.  This new pistol boasts the ease of a single-action revolver with the speed of a semi-automatic.  Jesus definitely likes the idea of muti-tasking.

Oh, there is this compact number from Heckler and Kock.  Light weight and easy to hide, perfect for those long hours up on the cross.

Well, maybe Jesus is not the ‘Heckler’ type.

He might be more into  tossing bricks through windowsNo No,

Not just any brick, something stylish, something with flair ….

Oh Yes!  That boring campaign office window needs some fresh color.

Questions? Questions?

Is Jesus an Open Carry kind of Guy?

Who would he spit on?

What kind of message would Jesus tie to a brick?

Can he spell?

Just what window would he toss a brick through?

Whose children would Jesus threaten to assassinate ?

Would he like the new Lady GaGa Video?

Who is on his hit list?

Can he really see my house from up there on the cross?

Who are these people that say they follow him?

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Chernynkaya
Member

Patsy, this post just keeps on giving!
To get a little serious after we’ve had so much fun with this, I really do think that many Christianists on the Reich are embarrassed by the traditional Jesus.

This Jesus is too soft!

This Jesus looks more masculine, but what

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kesmarn
Admin

Patsy, I couldn’t let another day go by without saying that I love, love, love this article!

It’s a work day, so I have to run, but kudos to you for your incisive wit!

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choicelady
Member

Sigh. You know, all these RW Jesus-hailing’, gun-lubbin’ nut cases just make my life sooooo much harder. I’m out here trying to wade through the teachings and history and theology and make sense out of it all to promote a world of kindness, inclusion, justice, equity – and these folks trump everthing I do with that freaking ceramic, painted, flower-embellished semi automatic.

No wonder when someone smiles an oily smile and says, “I’m a CHRIS-tyun” I run screaming for cover.

I’d give up, but DAMN, I won’t give them the satisfaction!

I just have one observation. Jesus wore robes. Where would he PUT the damned gun? No pockets. Same as God and the credit card. Where? Just asking.

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Khirad
Member

Watch the whole thing, very topical. Bill Hicks on fundie Christians:

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nellie
Member

He’s brilliant — and terribly cute. I’ve never seen him before. Thanks, Khirad.

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Chernynkaya
Member

Damn, You tube is so inconsistent– can’t hear it.

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Khirad
Member

I know Cher, I did my best – have to crank it up. It’s the uploader not doing the right settings.

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Chernynkaya
Member

It happens on about one quarter of my You Tube vids. 🙁

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nottoolate
Member

I am so damn relieved to hear this! Thought I was going intermittently deaf.

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Chernynkaya
Member

😆 BTW, did you see me message to you this morning?

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AdLib
Admin

God enjoyed this article and asked me to pass along this comment:

My son has never thrown a brick though he did accidentally toss some loaves of bread too hard that were a bit hard.

As for guns, he did go through a squirt gun phase when he was a child, I remember walking into the Living Room and seeing wine stains squirted all over the carpet and La-Z-Boy.

We do have a running joke about him returning to Earth heavily armed as the Prince With a Piece, “Love thy fellow man or I’ll blow your head off!”

He’s a card!

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boomer1949
Member

Hey God,

Thanks for popping in on the fly. Nice to hear from you mid-week. 😉

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bito
Member

It may not be Jesus, just some of his “true believers.” Real Merikans.

http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k266/want2know/dancart43011.jpg

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Khirad
Member

That was actually more deep than funny…

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boomer1949
Member
Khirad
Member

The master of common sense.

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boomer1949
Member

Yes, the man was a genius. And the irony is that after the “strike me dead” piece, it wasn’t long after that he actually was.

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Chernynkaya
Member

“But he LOVES you…”

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KQµårk 死神
Member

I actually live in a town that still has a law on the books that states all homeowners must own a gun. So these Constitution loving yahoos make you buy a gun but then they argue it’s unconstitutional to make people by healthcare insurance. Talk about fucked up priorities.

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Khirad
Member

OMG, I knew about that gun law, but I’d forgotten about it with this whole mandate debate!!!

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Chernynkaya
Member

nevermind… 😳

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Khirad
Member

Alright, seriously, I need to quit – it’s just too much fun. There’s too many fantastic pictures on this theme, but my favorite – from the Onion – of Rio’s Jesus packing AK’s I can’t find. 🙁

gun

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Pepe Lepew
Member

That’s pretty funny.

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Vituperation
Member

Jesus would be like my drill instructor. He would insist on fire discipline, a good sight picture and interlocking fields of fire. He would never tolerate a dirty weapon. He would expect every one of his Marines to be an expert marksman and fear the wrath of God should any of them fail to live up to the commitment of upholding the constitution of the United States and protecting her from all enemies foreign and domestic.

Jesus might be able to turn the clusterphuck of raggedy assed shitbirds called tea baggers into respectable citizens in the period of 13 weeks normally used to make a recruit into a Marine. However, there might be some problems. Thank God for hell. That’s where Jesus will send the nonhackers. And by the looks of it – we’ve got a shitload of nonhackers in this goddamn tea party.

BTW – Jesus would like a Colt M16A1 His sidearm – obviously a Colt model 1911 45ACP. Jesus is old school.

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Khirad
Member

supper

two

gun

I found a winner. This is the gun!

winner

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javaz
Member

Wow, is the Jesus gun for real?

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Blues Tiger
Member
Blues Tiger

Hey javaz!! It looks more ceramic than real…

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nellie
Member

Holy moly, Khirad! 😆

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Chernynkaya
Member

Thanks, Nellie (Adlib!!- I meant you)–I was on the phone and can’t multitask!

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nellie
Member

Thank AdLib — he’s the magician!

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Chernynkaya
Member

Oh crap! Please repost the Jesus gun!!!

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AdLib
Admin
Chernynkaya
Member

Hey, did I mess one up and accidentally delete?

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Chernynkaya
Member

That last one– just, WOW.

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Khirad
Member

You can nix the first redundant one. I meant this:

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boomer1949
Member

Patsy,

Where did you find your Jesus image?

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Chernynkaya
Member

Google Buddy Jesus. It’s a small doll.

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Kalima
Admin

Absolutely spot on Patsy. Your last sentence was my exact sentiment on Sue’s post yesterday and as a Christian from birth, I denounce these people who feel no shame in taking his name in vain. They are not Christians, the door to heaven will not be opened to them and if there is a judgment day, I hope they’ve saved for the best lawyers money can buy. The teaching of Jesus were simple, but it takes a person with a heart, conscience and soul to live up to his words. They don’t pass the test, they failed his call to love your neighbour as yourself.

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Khirad
Member
SueInCa
Member

especially the politicla one, it is spot on

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Khirad
Member
Khirad
Member

Thanks, Cher. 😉

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Chernynkaya
Member

Great, Patsy! I love Buddy Jesus too!

And the Supply Side Jesus!

And the Red Neck Jesus!

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