How to Win a Congressional Election Against Your Republican Opponent – 2014

“Well, thank you very much, Mr. Moderator, for this opportunity. I want to thank my opponent and the University of ________ for your hospitality.

There are a lot of points that I want to make tonight, but the most important one is that 20 years ago I became the luckiest man on earth because my wife agreed to marry me. (Laughter.) And so I just want to wish, Sweetie, you happy anniversary and let you know that a year from now, we will not be celebrating it in front of  a million people. (Laughter.)

You know, six years ago we went through the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Millions of jobs were lost. The auto industry was on the brink of collapse. The financial system had frozen up. And because of the resilience and the determination of the American people, we’ve begun to fight our way back.

Over the last 50 months, we’ve seen 9 million jobs in the private sector created. The auto industry has come roaring back and housing has begun to rise. But we all know that we’ve still got a lot of work to do. And so the question here tonight is not where we’ve been but where we’re going.  My opponent has a perspective on how to continue to address these problems.

I’ve got a different view. I think we’ve got to invest in education and training. I think it’s important for us to develop new sources of energy here in America, that we change our tax code to make sure that we’re helping small businesses and companies that are investing here in the United States, that we take some of the money that we’re saving as we wind down our wars to rebuild America and that we reduce our deficit in a balanced way that allows us to make these critical investments.

That said, I’ve got some very sad news for all of the voters in our state.  I wish this election was about the substantive differences between myself and my opponent.  About our differing visions of the America to come.  About our beliefs and opinions about what it’s going to take to get America back on track.  But it isn’t.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m very sorry to announce that the Republican party can no longer be trusted.   At all.  With anything.  I feel bad for having to break this to you in this format and in front of my opponent.  I’m sure its very awkward for him/her.  I hope they don’t take it personally.  I’m sure they’re very nice, but the party he/she belongs to can no longer be trusted with the reins of government.

I used to think that starting two unpaid-for wars, exploding our deficits, and ruining our good name around the world were the worst they could do, but as we’ve all seen over the last 4 years, they’ve outdone themselves.

Since 2010, the Republican party has taken us to the brink of default twice, this last one still fresh in our minds.  They’ve shut down our government, issued 500+ filibusters, slowed down our recovery, disenfranchised voters, waged a war on women, nearly thrown the world into a new depression and voted 78 times to keep health care from 50 million of our citizens.  They have become a radicalized group bent on the destruction of the very foundations of our nation and the economy of the world to suit their own very narrow, extreme visions.

They have proven once and for all they cannot be trusted.  They will strike again.  If you elect my opponent he/she will do the bidding of the very people that want to destroy the institutions of our nation.

Unfortunately your choice is very simple.  Me or the party that has gone utterly, irredeemably mad.

Thank you.