Following the defeat of alleged pedophile, Roy Moore in the 2017 U.S. Senate race in Alabama, Donald Trump has announced his consideration of backing R. Kelly to run for the seat against the Democratic incumbent, Doug Jones.
“First of all, I think this really proves that I am one of the least racist people, if not THE least racist person in America,” Trump stated to the all-white crowd of skinhead supporters gathered in the White House for this announcement.
“By supporting a black man, who nobody disputes is black, to run for the Senate in Alabama, I think I am equally deserving of a holiday like Martin Lutheran Kane,” Trump boasted.
When asked why he would suggest that R.Kelly, who has just been charged with ten counts of sexual assault, including child sexual assault, should run for Senator in Alabama, Trump shrugged, “R., and I call him R., has many of the Republican traits that I and Alabama Republicans relate to. He’s got charisma, he feels for younger people and he doesn’t take no for an answer,” Trump groped.
“He’d be the ideal Republican candidate. He likes pressing the flesh, polling and aggressive voter outreach. It was a real tragedy that Roy Moore was attacked by the Deep State, Fake News, Alien Reptile People simply for his Republican values. He was crucified why? Because he loved too much and let me tell you, love has no age, I believe that, ask Ivanka,” Trump insisted as he wiped drool from the corner of his mouth.
Trump went on to say that he thinks R. Kelly will fit in perfectly with the Republican Party as it’s become under Trump. “Today’s GOP is a big tent, we welcome all kinds of people, from White Nationalists to serial bombers to pedophiles, a real melting pot. R. Kelly would be right at home, believe me,” Trump noted before leaving hurriedly, explaining that he was late for his flight to Florida for a massage.