Complaining that by exercising their constitutional responsibilities of government oversight, Democrats in Congress are committing “Presidential Harassment”, Donald Trump has announced that he is founding a new social movement that he calls, #JustMe.
His daughter, Ivanka Trump, will be heading up this movement which will be dedicated to people having a safe space to unite and share their stories about the abuse that Donald Trump has suffered.
Trump announced the creation of #JustMe in an impromptu press conference, explaining, “I think I’m pretty much the most objective person on the planet which is why I can say, based on the facts, that no one in the history of human civilization, has had to suffer from the amount of harassment that I have,” Trump whined, gently petting the snowflakes gathered on his shoulders.
“The Democrats think that in the House, now that they’re the stars, I’ll let them do it. They can do anything. Whatever they want. Grab me like a pussy. They can do anything,” Trump sagged in sadness and tried but failed to hold onto the nearest woman’s genitals for support.
“They are using their position of power to try and pressure me into doing disgusting things that I don’t want to do…like tell the truth, stop working for Putin and respect our institutions,” Trump insisted. “They are trying to force themselves on me, they just won’t accept that when I say ‘no’, it means that I’m probably lying but it could mean ‘no’,” Trump stated as he pulled out a pussy hat from his coat that was the color of his hair, grabbed it then put it on his head.
“But I want the Democrats to know that I’m not afraid anymore of them,” he said shivering, “no matter how rich or famous or powerful they are, I’m going to tell my story to the world…even though they are harassing me too! To the Democrats I say, keep your laws off of my body, especially my hands, which are the biggest of any president in history,” Trump declared as he stuck three fingers in his ear to scratch inside.
Trump said that he expects his #JustMe movement to grow exponentially around the U.S. then the world and possibly, using his Space Force, to Mars.
“Presidential Harassment is no longer something to hide or be shamed about,” Trump stated tearfully, “I’m a survivor…at least until the Mueller report comes out.”