Officials at the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) have confirmed that they have detained and imprisoned an immigrant who claims to be Jesus Christ.
The Middle-Eastern-looking immigrant was caught crossing the Mexican border into Texas at the Rio Grande River. Customs officials have discounted witness claims that he was actually walking on the surface of the river as he crossed it. “The Rio is very low at the point this person crossed, it may have appeared he was walking on water but it was just an optical illusion,” explained ICE spokesperson, Leticia Zamarripa.
Mexican citizens who were also trying to cross the border at the time but escaped apprehension, witnessed the events. According to most accounts, this immigrant was dressed in sandals and a robe resembling those of ancient times. Witnesses who spoke with him prior to his arrest, said he spoke oddly about returning “again” to bring peace and harmony to the world. It was then that ICE officers tackled him and used plastic ties to handcuff and ankle cuff him.
Witnesses state that he was dragged towards an ICE van, all the while forgiving the officers for what they were doing. Seeming to some witnesses as a response to his words of compassion, ICE agents threw him brutally into the back of the van but re-appeared looking remarkably unharmed.
The White House was asked for comment on at the very least, the appearance of ICE arresting an immigrant resembling Jesus Christ on Easter day. Sarah Sanders provided the following response:
SANDERS: “The Trump Administration celebrates this special day of Easter and all it means to people around the world. As true believers in the Christian faith, we believe it is a real reflection of our faith to protect all Americans from those who represent threats and danger to them. A Middle Eastern illegal immigrant was caught today by our dedicated ICE officers, trying to sneak into our country over the Mexican border, to spread his extremist religious beliefs that threaten our political system, our 2nd Amendment and our president’s authority to use military force. Our ICE officers should be commended for keeping this country safe from those who would come here and threaten our American way of life. Happy Easter!”
Media outlets are being denied access to this immigrant while some conservatives on social media are attacking him as a member of ISIS, a heretic and a player in a massive Democrat-Russian conspiracy. Right wing media host of Infowars, Alex Jones stated, “This dark-skinned, Middle Eastern guy puking up “peace and love” like a typical liberal snowflake thinks he’s Jesus and is welcome to just walk right into our country where he’s not wanted?! He’s an insult to everything Christianity stands for today! Screw him! Nail him high, I say!”
Happy Easter to everyone from PlanetPOV…and happy April Fools Day!
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