Trump Death Star

Ratcheting up his rhetoric against North Korea, Donald Trump today threatened to use a fictional weapon featured in the Star Wars movies to destroy North Korea and incidentally, the entire planet.

“I’ll tell you this, North Korea has been saying some pretty mean and serious things lately and I want them to know this,” Trump explained. “If they attack us or any of our friends like Guam, Japan, Russia, they’re going to see something, and I mean it, the likes of which the world has never been seen before.”

When pressed by reporters, Trump would not provide details about his threat until he finally stated, “All I’ll say is that I want to thank the military, who, following my orders after I first took office, has built and launched a Death Star that’s up in space right now. Just like in the movies. It’s up there right now, believe me. And if any country was to get out of line and threaten or insult me, well, let’s just say what would happen would be something the likes of which the world has never seen before.”

Skeptics in the press corps questioned Trump on both the fictional basis of the weapon and the decades that building such a massive ship would take to which Trump replied, “That’s just more fake news. The Death Star is real, we have it, it’s up there, and Mexico paid for it.”

Trump seemed bewildered at first when asked if he realized that the Death Star, as it appeared in Star Wars, was a planet killer and that such a weapon would not just destroy North Korea but all of Earth if it was used.

“Oh? Well, then that North Korea should be worried even more. There will be nowhere for them to hide anywhere in the world. Then who will be sorry for making me look like a fool who only makes empty threats that even his own generals say to ignore,” Trump asked rhetorically…then asked what “rhetorically” meant.

Trump ended his press availability by saying that he had commissioned many more weapons to be built that he’s seen in movies including Terminator robots, photon torpedoes and sharks with frickin’ lasers.

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