The very day of Donald Trump’s retaliatory airstrike on a Syrian airbase where 59 Tomahawk missiles mostly landed harmlessly outside its periphery or carefully avoided damaging most of the Syrian aircraft and runways there, Syria launched further deadly airstrikes on civilians from the same airbase. In response to the Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad’s shrugging off of Trump’s strongly symbolic and well publicized attack against Syria that cost the U.S. $90 million, Trump held a press conference today to announce that he has again punished Syria with another very expensive and highly symbolic attack that will leave the Syrian military once again, greatly damaged…symbolically.
Trump explained that he ordered a strike on Syria with a devastating puppet show that was executed by the U.S. military. It is understood that the puppet show cost American taxpayers approximately $78 million dollars and was staged on the deck of the USS Carl Vinson aircraft carrier in the Eastern Mediterranean. The puppet show was successfully launched and carefully avoided taking out the mass-murdering, Syrian leader, Assad, any Syrian soldiers or equipment, any Russian or Iranian soldiers supporting them and their favorite lunch spots.
Trump declared that it is important for the world to see the US perform its responsibility as a moral leader and that he hopes they appreciated this performance…also mentioning that it’s available same day on Blue Ray, DVD and pay per view.
“What has happened in Syria is terrible, just terrible, I mean it, totally terrible, it’s awful,” Trump stated. “It’s bad, really bad, so bad, unbelievably bad, I can’t tell you how bad it is. But it’s bad. I had to draw a line in the sand that we’re not going to allow such really awful terribleness…and badness…to happen in Syria. So we have punished them with a very, very damaging show of force that I believe will stop the use of chemical weapons in Syria. By the way, the main puppet which is based on me says some really tough things, believe me, and after he hits the puppet that likes using chemical weapons, both puppets really get it and shake hands,” Trump recounted. “And we had a really great puppeteer for me and the Syrian, he works in Moscow and is so good, you can’t believe it.”
Trump closed his press conference by saying that while he doesn’t have an actual policy on Syria and expects this to be the last isolated attack he makes on the country, he cautioned, “However, if Syria launches another horrible attack and I see a lot of video of it and I’m being hammered by fake news about all this Russian stuff that’s phony anyway, believe me, I might order another devastatingly symbolic attack against Syria…maybe I’ll have thousands of marine paratroopers punch their pillows, maybe I’ll order Navy SEALS to toilet paper an airfield, who knows what I’ll do but I’m not going to tell our enemies in advance, I’m too smart for that!”