Making a rare appearance on Fox News, Satan (R – Hell) spoke with Sean Hannity and after a moment of levity, as both men came out dressed identically, Satan was asked about Donald Trump and offered nothing but compliments.
“Some people make you lose your faith in humanity and you gotta give them their props for that,” Satan explained, “Trump has the fearless bigoted demagoguery of a KKK Grand Dragon, the comic stylings of an Andrew Dice Clay and the dictatorially pursed-lips of a Benito Mussolini, I’m really impressed! For me, he’s like an all-you-can-eat Homestyle Buffet of Evil…or is that an oxymoron?”
Satan went on to say that while it was against his personal policy to endorse candidates, he would go as far as to say that Trump comes the closest to representing him on the issues. “I’m a big believer in civil wrongs, Freedom of Oppression and that the best thing to fear is fear itself. On those issues, I think Trump schlongs the rest of the Republican field.”
Informed of Satan’s evilly glowing words about him, Donald Trump was very pleased. “I like to hear from one of the highest religious leaders that I’m their choice for President. Of course I’m flattered, what Republican wouldn’t be?” asked Trump. “Now of course those lousy people in the media are whining, ‘But Satan inflicts everlasting torment on the souls of billions of people!’ Well, not that I’ve seen. They just don’t like that he said nice things about me. Satan’s a strong leader who’s running hell better than Obama has been running this country, if he wasn’t they’d have voted Satan out years ago,” Trump insisted.
Trump went on to say that he likes Satan and he thinks he can work together with him. “You know what I hear all the time at my rallies? Give ’em hell, Trump! That’s what they say! Believe me, when I’m President, I really am going to give the whole country hell and who better to advise me on that than Satan? I mean, am I right?”
Satan said he had no plans to meet with Trump during the campaign but that they’re scheduled to meet for a prolonged period of time in the not so distant future.
http://www.thejournal.ie/donald-trump-language-2520816-Dec2015/
Some of the comments are very good!
What a delectable Christmas Eve treat, AdLib! Just wonderful.
Well, if Satan’s plans work out as he expects, later on there will be a few more guests at his Eternal Hot Springs Spa.
Trump, Assad, Putin and Lil Kim will be roasting their chestnuts on an open fire one of these Christmas seasons.
Happy Holidays!
Thanks Kes!
Yes, sure looks like it’s going to be standing room only in the VIP (Very Insane People) section of Hell. Wouldn’t want to be in an eternal sauna with that ugly mob!
Wishing you a very Happy Holidays too my friend! And a wonderful New Year!
Well done, my friend. Brilliant, as usual.
I have to say it is getting harder to makes jokes about this man — though I realize how important it is to do so.
He frightens me. He is offering up an America I never thought would be brought back. I really need to think about how I want to talk about this man.
Much love, my friend.
Thanks my friend!
You nailed it, it’s really getting hard to satirize Trump for two reasons. First of all, the genuine threat his candidacy poses is very serious but secondly, from day to day, he says things that are so actually outrageous, it’s hard to find a way to exaggerate them.
I mean, if you had told me a year ago that the front runner for the GOP would be welcoming endorsements from neo Nazi leaders, the brutal dictator of Russia and domestic terrorists, I’d have said, “Don’t you think you’re going a bit big on the satire?”
But that is the reality, a Republican running on a Cro-Magnon platform of hating other races, religions and the opposite sex and lying about all the things he’s going to do to permanently solve all these “problems”.
The good thing is that a majority of American voters are disgusted by Trump, a recent poll just came out showing 50% of Americans would be embarrassed if Trump became President as opposed to around 23% who would be proud.
In that moral swamp that is today’s GOP, Trump’s being a crass, obnoxious, hateful liar is a definite asset but should he win the nom and have to come out of that swamp bubble to face the real world, he has no hope of ever winning.
And one thing I like to share is some simple math. The Repub nom, whoever it is, has to win about 40% of the Latino vote to win the Presidency. Trump couldn’t be more despised by Latinos, he’d be lucky to get 5% of the vote. Due to this, there is simply no path for him to win.
And add to that all the other groups of voters he’s denigrated, women, African Americans, Asians, Muslims, students, etc., he would lose “yuuge!” in a GE.
The GOP and the nation needs to purge itself of Trump and the bigots that follow him and I think that the way to do that, as happened with Goldwater, the Moral Majority, etc., is to let them stand on the national stage to be seen in full for who they are then rejected wholly in a big defeat. They will shrink after that, in size and influence. Their outsized control over the GOP and through them, the nation will be squashed because they will finally have had their shot at offering themselves to the American public and will be shown to be utter losers.
And imagine how crazy it will get Trump to lose in such a big way, the man whose whole life has been built on convincing others that he is a winner.
I hope for and welcome Trump winning the GOP nom because I want him and the Tea Party bigots truly defeated.
Then again, my second favorite scenario is Trump not getting enough delegates to win, having a brokered convention where the establishment GOP forces the nom on anyone other than Trump then the Tea Party and Trump followers revolt against the GOP and 2016 becomes a massacre for the GOP up and down the ticket.
Nice piece, AdLib!
I guess that you had three peas in the pod. With satin, trump, and hanutty.
Thanks Nirek! Another way to describe them is Three Strikes and the GOP is out!
Brilliant, Ad!
Of course, God wasn’t available for comment, as he was too busy with Hillary’s campaign, but he sent along his PR guy, the Holy Spirit. He pooh-poohed Satan’s endorsement of Trump by stating – ‘Well, we all know Satan lies, so why should we believe this devilish rubbish?’ We responded by saying: ‘Well, of course everyone expects Satan to tell porkies, but isn’t this some reverse-psychology, resulting in a double bluff?’ HS replied ‘F**k, hadn’t thought of that’!
I haven’t written a God’s Blog for a while but what you wrote covers that ground nicely!
Right now Satan is hard at work as a Trump consultant helping him with his VP pick, figuring out whether he should choose Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney again or Martin Shkreli.
Satan must be laughing his ass off right now, using ISIS (I Suck I Suck) to wreak havoc in the Middle East, & the GOP completely buys into the terror to become the racist monsters we always knew they were. They’re all so easy to manipulate.
Only too true, JJ. And to think that the US is known as The Great Satan in the Arab world ( well, some of it anyway). the GOP have outdone themselves to prove their point of view.
jjgravitas, I agree with you and PPO, the GOP is a virtual partner with ISIS, both of them handing Mr. Satan the best Christmas present possible…other than an official Donald Trump Toupee of Hate with Kung Fu Bigot grip.