Having voted over 40 times to kill Obamacare and showing the willingness to sacrifice the well being of all Americans to achieve that by shutting down the government and threatening not to increase the debt ceiling which would have plunged the U.S. and the world into an economic disaster, Republicans are now holding hearings, displaying as much manufactured outrage as they can import from the sweatshops in China the GOP has contracted with. They are railing against the Obamacare website’s failures that are disrupting the implementation of Obamacare, mostly because they claimed “firsties” on that.
What they’ve recognized is that this seems to be working for them, concern trolling over the trouble a Democrat initiative that they fervently oppose is having in coming to fruition. The chatter about how awful the Republican polls are is being replaced by how bad the Obamacare website is and Republicans see this as a potential tactic to restore their chances to hold onto The House in 2014.
With that in mind and to continue this campaign, Republican Representative Darrell Issa, chairman of the House Oversight Committee, has announced that next week they will begin hearings on why Republicans still control the House of Representatives even though Democrats in the House received over one million votes more than Republican House members did in 2012.
“There is absolutely something unethical going on here which I think goes all the way to the White House and I intend to expose it! This is unAmerican and anti-democratic, I should not be in charge of this oversight committee and I will use all the power I have as chairman to prove that I shouldn’t be in charge of it!”
Issa continued expressing outrage at what he called, “…a scandal and an outrage…oh, and did I say ‘scandal’? I did? Well…you can never say that enough.”
“What does this say about our elections? Our system of representative government? When a party that has received far less votes in the most recent election and thus doesn’t represent the will of the people, controls half of the legislative branch? Our party being in power in the House makes me worried for the future of democracy.”
Meanwhile, a secret email sent from Speaker John Boehner to his Republican colleagues in the House was leaked and in it, he informs them that he will personally be creating and providing however many crocodile tears members may require during this hearing.
Inspired by having previously lined up an all male panel on women’s right to birth control, Chairman Issa has announced that in order to get to the bottom of this electoral inequity and affront to the democratic process, he’s assembled the following panel to give testimony:
1. North Korea Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un
2. Animated Simpsons character Montgomery Burns
3. A piranha fish
4. A ten year old boy with anger issues
5. The ghost of Joseph Stalin
Chairman Issa expressed absolute confidence that he will get to the bottom of this matter, “It’s good for the country, it’s good for our democracy and most importantly, it’s good for our poll ratings!”