The Republican-led House of Representatives has moved a bill through committee that would mandate all Americans to own at least one gun or rifle. Titled “The 2nd Amendment Preservation Act”, the law would provide for civil penalties of up to $1,000 per person in a household where no gun is owned.
Under the law, all citizens must own a firearm with no exception. This has prompted protests from a variety of groups representing the disabled, the poor and those who do not wish to own guns.
“We must protect the freedom our Founders have given us and only by not allowing people to just do what they want when it comes to the 2nd Amendment, can we keep that freedom,” explained Rep. Eric Cantor.
Most controversial is the lack of an age limit in the law. Taken as written, mandatory gun ownership would technically apply to children, including toddlers and even infants. Backers of the bill have said it is not an oversight, it was intentional and meant to enforce respect for the 2nd Amendment and gun education from cradle to grave.
Gun manufacturers see this as an enormous business opportunity, opening up huge new markets for their products in the U.S.. “We’ve already been looking into manufacturing and cross-branding child-sized handguns with some of their favorite characters,” says Colt’s Manufacturing Company’s President of Marketing, Ralph Lewin. “Some early concepts we see as fun include the Scooby Shooter and the Sponge Bob Snub Nose.”
Parents groups are outraged at the concept of all children in a school carrying guns. “Putting a gun in a bully’s hand is just plain crazy,” said a statement from the National PTA. Rep. Steve King of Iowa responded, “There’s nothing crazy about it, a bully may have a gun but so will the kid he wants to bully. What better way to keep the peace than for everyone to have a gun at any time or place?”
Anti-abortion groups have seized on this as a way to prevent abortions. “An unborn American is still an American and entitled to all of our rights including owning a gun to protect its own life. How many doctors would go ahead with performing an abortion if they were looking down the barrel of a .45?” asked Focus on the Family’s founder, Dr. James Dobson.
The National Rifle Association is using its powerful influence and money to convince Democrats, especially those in red states, to sign onto the legislation and help override Obama’s anticipated veto.
“It’s a very easy argument to make,” NRA’s executive vice president Wayne LaPierre expressed. “If there are more people carrying torches in a forest, there will be fewer fires. If there are more people carrying guns in a city, there will be fewer shootings. Even a mentally challenged five year old could understand that reasoning and why should he be looked at as any different or less responsible with a firearm than those of us who support this bill?”