Bizarro SupeHerman Cain

To the disappointment of many gullible, angry white people for whom gravity is just an elitist theory, Sarah Palin decided to stop pretending she might run for President. Left without a candidate that spoke to them about their beliefs that the Earth is flat, education turns kids gay and fried sticks of butter are part of a nutritious breakfast, they felt so alone.

Like an insecure five year old who lost his mom in a department store, they ran from stranger to stranger, hoping they’d help them find their mommy, from Trump to Bachmann to Perry…then finally, a man with a very slow smile who reminded them so much of their Mommy took their hand and promised to take them home. And thus began the Palinization of Herman Cain.

In well-adjusted America, we like our doctors to be skilled at surgery. We like our pilots to be well educated and experienced at flying our planes. We kinda like the idea that being smarter at something is a good thing.

In the upside-down world of the hard core GOP, the dumber a candidate is, the more worthy that candidate is of their vote and loyalty. Mitt Romney may have the money and a compulsive disorder that overrides any honest conviction or belief but Herman Cain has the advantage over him thanks to of a bottomless well of ignorance and braggadocio. And if you’re playing poker in the GOP primary, that’s a royal flush.

This may appear to be a baseless pejorative against Cain and the GOP, saying that they are worshiping at the church of Our Lady of Perpetual Stupidity…at least to those who aren’t in the GOP and know that “pejorative” doesn’t mean “pajamas that you can eat”…but for those out there who make decisions based on facts as opposed to Fox News’ Storybook Corner, the proof is in the pudding.

Among the many dumb comments Cain has made that have boosted him to the top of the GOP race are the following (followed by those irrelevant things the rest of us like to call “facts”):

a. “They’ve (China) indicated that they’re trying to develop nuclear capability and they want to develop more aircraft carriers like we have. So yes, we have to consider them a military threat.”

FACT: China has had nuclear weapons since 1964, for nearly 50 years.

b. (Asked: “So any community, if they want to ban a Mosque”) “Yes, they have a right to do that.”

FACT: The First Amendment states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;”

c.”Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks — if you don’t have a job and you are not rich, blame yourself!”

FACT: Job losses in 2008 alone were 2.6 million. Since 2001, 2.4 million jobs have been lost or displaced in the United States as a result of the burgeoning trade deficit with China.

The list goes on and on. The dumber he looks, the higher his polling. What does that say about the Republicans who support him (aside from having trouble counting to twenty without their shoes and socks off)? When George W. Bush ran, the meme was, “People want to support the kind of guy you could have a beer with.” In the current GOP, people seem to want to vote for someone with whom they can re-enact a stunt from Jackass.

And to add to the Intelligence-Free Zone that Republicans seek in a candidate, an Ethical-Free-Zone. For the base of the GOP, stupidity and dishonesty go together like voting and opposing your own interests. Herman Cain, like all of the GOP nominees, offers many examples of lying about things that are documented as fact. Even when they are on video stating something, they will bald faced lie that they didn’t say it.

For example, with regards to the current sexual harassment revelations, Cain originally claimed no knowledge of it. He stated categorically that to his knowledge, no settlements were ever made.

Then…he said, well, maybe an “agreement” was made but he didn’t think of it as a settlement.

He said maybe a few months of salary were paid as a settlement…in a case he earlier claimed he had no knowledge of.

The lies continue to this day as more information comes out about this and the third part of the GOP Trinity has emerged to join stupidity and dishonesty…accusing everyone else of victimizing him.

With no evidence, Cain began by blaming Democrats for this “smear” (reporting indisputable facts is classified as “a smear” if it hurts a Republican, whereas smearing a Democrat by claiming they weren’t even born in America is “a good question”) then turned to blame Washington DC, The Media (of course), Gays, Muslims, Charles Darwin, Green Energy, tofu, Justin Bieber, Angry Birds and eventually, Rick Perry.

Once again, a Republican who victimizes is “the victim” when held to account for victimizing. It’s racism or trying to silence those who liberals are threatened by or racism or the politics of fear or racism…you get the picture.

And how do the faithful respond when their dumb, lying, phony victim candidate is exposed even more obviously as being these things AND a serial sexual harasser…he has his biggest week of donations, $1 million dollars. So, the GOP which used to describe itself as the Party of Values now advertises that it has slashed its values to pass the savings on to themselves.

The GOP has become comic-book dumb and evil. Instead of being led by a criminal genius like Lex Luthor or Karl Rove, they are led by Bizarro SupeHerman.

“Slower than a short bus with flat tires! More dishonest than petroleum and natural gas PR commercials! Able to trip over low thresholds of morality in a single step! Look, up in the polls, it’s absurd , it’s a’ lame, it’s SupeHerman!”

It will be interesting to see if Herman Cain becomes a stronger representative of the GOP because of his growing list of attributes that make him less qualified to be President or if the fickle mental-teenagers who are the core of the Republican party decide that they really wanted Newt all along. Or back to Perry? Adulterers, abusers or morons in cowboy hats, anyone but Romney!

They do have a strong chauvinistic, anti-woman undercurrent to the party so it wouldn’t be hard to imagine their demonizing the women Cain victimized and rallying around him because these women didn’t just lie back and take it and had the audacity to complain. Unfortunate for the GOP that women still have the right to vote…though I’m sure they’re working on adding that amendment to their list for repealing.

In a contest where the winner is the slowest one in the race, the more one stumbles, the farther ahead they are. Welcome to the 2012 GOP, battling intelligence, logic and common sense for a better Amuraka!