Transcript Theater SpecialEdition: Off Camera Moments from Charlie Sheen’s ABC Interview

Charlie Sheen: I’m totally aware of my tongue right now.

Andrea Canning: I’m sorry?

Charlie Sheen: Like…. I want to taste an orange, ya know? Not just consume it. Bleed the citrus from my eyes as I cry like a babe in the woods.

Andrea Canning: Mr.Sheen, I…. I don’t really know what you’re trying to say. You want to cry orange juice?

Charlie Sheen: Hold on a second,  I gotta answer this. (picks up phone from table)

Andrea Canning: It wasn’t ringing…..

Charlie Sheen: Just a second,  Hello?…. HEY! C- DOG! I’m glad you called!

Cthulhu:  ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

Charlie Sheen: No, totally. I have seen the infinite in the collapsing eye of GOD. But Tuesday is good.

Cthulhu: ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
Charlie Sheen: Totally,bro. Winning!… Yeah…. Well, I gotta give you a a shout later C-Note.  PEACE!!! (puts down phone) I love that guy. He’s so single minded, like the Sheen machine. I’m geared to destroy like the fucking Terminator, baby. I am high on Charlie!

Andrea Canning: I’m not sure I want to start this interview. Are you SURE you’re prepared to answer my questions on camera? Once it’s over, there is no taking it back.

Charlie Sheen: Well, now that you mention it. I’d like to make  a quick bathroom trip to do a little more Charlie.