She Said What?!?

I think my immediate concern is that your not aware of how many others share her sentiments at work, including HER superiors. You might be looked upon as a troublemaker, a rabblerouser for reporting this incident. This didn’t occur at a church social or weekly women’s group over a game of bridge. This is WORK. The work place policies were put in place for a reason, to discourage this sort of thing. And yet….it happens every single day, right under our noses and heretofore, many admittedly just ignored it. Clearly, I don’t think she would have the balls to make such a remark to a black staff person. But the real question is how many does she supervise? If there are minorities under her supervision and IMO, she is clearly racist, then I would have no recourse but to report it. But if not, I’m not so sure I would create potential hostilities for myself. You know, in my hood, they still occasionally say, “self preservation is the first law of nature”. Now, I don’t know what your circumstances are, but are you in a position where the loss of this job would not be disastrous for yourself and your family? Now that you have no doubt who she really is, one can always distance oneself from folks we find repulsive. We don’t have to request and/or accept rides, eat lunch or sit next to them at the conference table and still be professional and courteous. I don’t know….you seem to know what you “should” do, so go with your gut. Good luck with this and do let us know in a month or two how it turned out should you decide to report these comments. Here’s hoping the atmosphere at work doesnt deteriorate for you should you choose to “do the right thang”.

The code of conduct is stressed to the point where a webinar is given yearly. It was thoughtfully put into place for a reason. This is the reason.

Report her.

Tell her you’d expect her to do the same.

As a Republican, she’ll understand the need for punishment. It’ll also show her a Democrat has balls. Prepare to maintain a consistent and simple message.

Hey Boomer: So sorry you had this experience. Good on ya for coming here to seek wise counsel, which it seems many have offered (as well as sympathetic ears and lots of tsk-tsking).

I’ll share an experience that turned out well to try and lighten your heart. As you know, I work with Afghan exchange students. During July 2008, we had a meeting of the prospective host families (three families) to prepare them for the year ahead, with all the cultural challenges. I knew all were conservative, some just politically and some both politically and religiously.

We sat down to eat when one of the new host dads (thinking, I am sure, that he was in “safe” company) began with a “Did you see what that *idiot* Obama said….”

I stopped him mid-sentence and said “Wait, wait, wait. You need to know that my husband (The Blovicator) and I are Democrats, and we are HUGE supporters of Obama.” The look on their faces during the awkward pause made everyone just a tad uncomfortable. A former host mom had joined us; I knew she was also a Democrat, but chose not to “out” her.

I started on how we all wanted the exact same things – safe places to shop, go to school, etc. – and that what we disagreed on was HOW to achieve these goals; but that we were all in agreement as to the value of the YES program, etc. etc. I went on about what a great opportunity it would be for the children to see democracy in action in an election year, to see how people could become passionate, how tempers could flair, but how during this time, no one would be KILLED or MURDERED because of what they believed……..

……when at that exact moment, the former host mom bit into her cherry tomato and splattered red tomato juice across my face, across my white shirt, and even across the Blov’s shirt, who was sitting at my right.

EVERYONE burst out laughing. The awkwardness had been broken completely with a comedic moment.

Postscript: I came to love and admire these now friends, even though we STILL disagree. We no longer work together, since I am not working on the program this year; but we socialize and visit each other often. They are interested in the work with refugees, and have offered their help and support. We all changed just a little bit, and I think for the better.

After an evening socializing with these precious new friends, The Blov still mumbles, shakes his head in disbelief, and then looks at me and wails:

“They are so nice, and so smart. How can they be REPUBLICANS????”

Boomer–

You said she listened to rimjob. She has confessed to intellectual laziness. I think you should define the words she used. Write it out. Give her examples and context. Read it to her, or let her read it for herself. Then ask her “Is this really what you meant to say?”

Her answer will make the next step obvious and easy.

This is not at all the same situation but at our Church every 4th of July the Pastor would ask that we all pray for the President. We made a point of going on the Sunday of the 4th of July celebration this year to see if he asked us to pray for the President. Surprise, he did not. Instead it was about the Isrealites taking to the streets. My husband practically had to restrain me. We have not been back but I feel guilty for not calling the Pastor about this.
I know it’s not the same because the job and a friendship may be at stake but I’m certain there was either politics or racism involved in his choice of sermons.

Boomer
I thought of something else
You may want to get a tape recorder
Not that you use it but that may make you feel a little proactive

Well, I guess it depends on several things as you probably are aware of. The consequences of holding people accountable for their actions are not always predictable. Morally, you have an obligation to be true to yourself. Company policy? Yeah whatever. That’s going to be a slippery slope if you dare try it out. A lot of that crap in those policies is there “just because.” Actually try to get it into play and you’re going to find out just what the word “shit” really means.

Okay, here’s what it comes down to IMHO
You say you’re sans car and she’s being cool for giving you rides.
You probably feel like you’d be betraying her for busting her. Moral conflict or selfishness? You have to decide what principal is at play here. Or, let me put it to you like this: do you mind walking or riding the bus or would you rather live with your conscience bothering you for enabling a moron? What is the price you’re paying to maintain your relationship with her and the company? Is payback going to be a piece of your soul? Seems like you’re already looking for a reason to rationalize your disapproval of her and her actions. But I see it going a step further by gathering even more reasons to dislike her. You realize that what she said about the president and what she listens to on the radio are two separate things and you are assuming one leads to another? That can be a big assumption and it is also judgmental. She may not have the right to make racial remarks at work but she can listen to whatever gasbag is on the radio. If you need to use that as some sort of evidence to build you case against her then I think your reaching too far.

My gut reaction to your story fell completely on your side. I wanted to tell you to bust that bitch right here and now. I think a lot of us feel that way about it. However, if (IF) you can walk away from this and ask God for strength and tolerance you will retain your piece of mind and composure. You will be an example for your co-worker to follow. That takes more courage than simply being a whistle blower in this case. Yeah you’re right and she’s wrong. It’s not going to be the last time you’re going to have to make this call and moreover, it’s important to pick your battles wisely.

You show great wisdom already by asking for help from other people.
This also shows courage and humility. I think you’ve got what it takes to make the right decision.

These are hard times for all of us.

Peace

Boomer this is distracting you from your work, causing you stress,
and affecting your productivity, thats not fair to you or the company.

If you were to tell the people above her, (and I think you should)
stress the above.
You deserve a calm atmosphere at work.

That is my Politicly correct answer …. but….

Part of me wants to say
start leaving pics a lynching at her desk with her face in the pic.
Use stealth, do not get caught and be sure to be extra kind to her
if she gets upset and talks to you about it saying —
how could any human being wish that on any other human being?

If that fails get the media involved
This stuff should not go unanswered that is why it is still out there.
You may want to mention
I think it is a federal offense to make threats against our President

You are brave to put in a post.
This is tough to bring up, I know, I had family members that
used the n word and such.
I can only wonder if they know why they do this.
They may think it gives them power, who knows, but it brings us
all down if that is what is stirring around in someone’s head.

Good luck with this keep us posted

Boom, I see that your posting here, what do you think? All these suggestions should get you pointed in the right direction….for what’s best for you and what you are comfortable doing about this tricky sitituation.

I’m not much into company codes in the first place. It should be a matter of conscience. Me? You laid it down, and said what I would have – to keep politics and religion separate. It’s just proper etiquette. Even without the car situation (been there), I’d give her a pass this time. A get out of jail free card, a fair warning and reminder of the code of conduct.

Although, the tricky part is, are you the only one she could have said this to, and what happens if someone else lodged a report on her and others came forward. Would you be held culpable for not saying anything earlier? I think both ethically and practically a certain measure should be taken that this was wrong.

Boom, tough situation for you…I’m in agreement with kesmarn. I would confront her and tell her that her comments were in direct violation with your companies code of ethics and that because of your relationship, you thought about it and have decided that you were not going to report her. But, if she says something like this again, you have no other recourse but to report it.

You may have to explain why her comment is inappropriate, I find that people that say things like this have no clue how off base they are.