Trump Orders Memorial For Himself Next Week

Witnessing the outpouring of compassion, respect, admiration and positive media attention for President George Herbert Walker Bush at his memorial and funeral, Donald Trump has ordered his administration to arrange a memorial for himself next week.

“My memorial will be much bigger and a lot more entertaining than the one I just sat through for George Butch, I can tell you that,” Trump explained, ignoring members of the press who tried to correct his using the wrong last name for President Bush. “RIP and all and people could say all the nice things they wanted to about him but come on, he wasn’t me.”

“For mine, Putin will come, MbS, I think even Rocket Man will fly over. Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Colonel Sanders, I could go on and on, it’s gonna be spectacular! And they’re all gonna be there because they want to stand up and tell the world all the great things about me, can you believe it? What do you mean, ‘no’?” Trump sneered.

When informed by journalists that memorials are for people who have died, Trump shrugged it off. “That’s just Deep State Fake News. Presidents can have memorials for themselves, look at Lincoln, he had the Lincoln Memorial and Andrew Jackson had a memorial that’s still going on, the state of Mississippi. So why can’t I have a memorial for myself?” Trump asked while unwrapping an oversized rainbow-colored lollypop and licking it.

Trump denied that he was jealous of the global media coverage and warm remembrances of Bush and dismissed the suggestion that he worried that his death won’t elicit the same kind of affection and praise for him. “I know absolutely that people will say wonderful things about me when I’m gone and talk about all the great things I’ve done as president and in my life,” Trump noted. “How do I know? I have final approval on the script.”