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AdLib On August - 15 - 2011

Would you rather be pushed off into the sea on an ice floe or hit by a train?

This is not so much a literal choice of ways to die as it is a figurative choice for voters in electing either Mitt Romney or Rick Perry.

The GOP race seems surprisingly clear at this point, with all but the above two circling or about to circle the drain and dropping into the sewers of GOP almost-rans. At least Tom Tancredo will finally have someone to talk to down there.

Michele Bachmann came in first and Ron Paul came in a strong second in the Ames Straw Poll so why aren’t they included in the choices above? After all, what better way is there to take a poll that reflects the sensibilities of mainstream America than to bribe religious and political extremists into attending petting zoos and Randy Travis concerts in a tent? I can’t think of one. Hundreds maybe but not one.

The Ames Straw Poll is as much a poll or honest indicator of electability as a child putting on a paper crown at Burger King makes him actual royalty. It is a parody of democracy where voting costs $35 (usually paid by candidates for their voters) and you can vote while eating fried butter on a stick. Nothing screams American Democracy louder than having to pay to vote and eating a Fatsicle.

Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul finished as the favorite sideshow performers in the Famous Ames Circus (The Weirded Lady and The World’s Tallest Midget?) but in truth, neither has broad enough support nor deep enough pockets to win the GOP nom. The race will come down to Rick Perry (The Fat Headed Man) and Mitt Romney (The Human Pretzel).

Neither Perry or Romney, let alone the GOP have any recipe for repairing the economy. Romney’s plan is to act as the hedge fund CEO he was, acquire America, Inc., raid it for its equity and resources, cut finances, lay off workers then turn around and sell the new streamlined America, Inc. to another buyer (China? The Koch Bros? Exxon?).

As a person, Romney reflects all the attributes and opinions of many winning candidates, all at the same time, including those who are simultaneously on opposite sides of the same issues. Though it’s been said of others, to point at their changing their stands on issues, Romney could literally debate himself on such issues as health care and states rights. Fox News should stage a one man debate, “The Many Faces of Mitt Romney” and give his campaign a big push…off a tall cliff.

Rick Perry on the other hand is someone you could have a beer with…before beating up homeless people and stealing their welfare checks. He has the same Bush-type swagger of a bully that Americans like. For many Republicans, Presidents just don’t sneer enough, especially Obama. If there’s one thing that being an American President justifies, it’s sneering. At the other party, at foreign countries  and especially at The American People (an occasional snide chuckle such as “Heh-heh-heh!” is also suggested). That’s why this economy is in trouble, it’s a sneering deficit that electing a President Perry would quickly solve.

Aside from sneering, Rick Perry’s main message  is to make America “Number One” just like Texas is. Okay, 40% of the jobs his “Texas Miracle” has  brought about are minimum wage without any health insurance  but that sure beats being paid unemployment insurance (in some cases) which is as high a bar as any Texas Governor in the last decade has ever set…since Rick Perry has been that Governor.

So how is Texas, Number One?

Texas – We’re Number One (or Number Two, Three or Four) in:
  • Percent of Children Living in Poverty
  • Lowest Median Net Worth of Households
  • Percent of Population 25 and Older without High School Diplomas
  • Percent of Uninsured Children
  • Percent of Population Uninsured
  • Percent of Non-Elderly Uninsured
  • Percent of Low Income Population Not Covered by Medicaid
  • Percent of Population without Employer-Based Health Insurance
  • Percent of Pregnant Women Not Receiving Prenatal Care in First Trimester
  • Least Per Capita State Spending on Mental Health
  • Lowest Average Monthly Women, Infant, and Children (WIC) Benefits per Person
  • Least Workers’ Compensation Coverage
  • Lowest Per Capita State Spending on Medicaid
  • Lowest Retirement Plan Participation
  • Highest Birth Rates
  • Lowest Women’s Voter Turnout
  • Lowest State Aid Per Pupil in Average Daily Attendance
  • Highest Mortgage Debt as Percent of Home Value
  • Lowest Average Credit Score
  • Amount of Carbon Dioxide Emissions
  • Amount of Volatile Organic Compounds Released into Air
  • Amount of Toxic Chemicals Released into Water
  • Amount of Recognized Cancer-Causing Carcinogens Released into Air
  • Amount of Hazardous Waste Generated
  • Number of Executions

So, what’s it gonna be America? Pick your poison. Do you want your nice handsome grandson from Massachusetts to slowly turn off your feeding tube or your precocious grandson from Texas to just pull the plug? Either way, it’s better than letting that black doctor have another chance at saving your life again. I mean, you have a heart attack, he pulls you through but you still have a heart condition. What a lousy doctor! You’re better off taking your chances  with Dr. Romney or Dr. Perry, they promise that cutting off your feeding tube or pulling the plug will make you all better, it’s worth a try and if it doesn’t work out, what’s the harm?

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

119 Responses so far.

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  1. choicelady says:

    A friend wants to make bumper stickers: Atheists for Perry.

    We can’t decide if ANYONE would think that funny or if it’s just an invitation to get busted windows. We are taking votes.

    • Emerald1943 says:

      CL, I think it’s hysterical!! But then, I’m just a little weird! No bets one way or the other on the broken windows! :-)

      • choicelady says:

        Em -- I knew if ANYONE thought it was funny, I’d find them here. Glad you like it!

        I’m figuring TWO windows broken -- one Right, one Left. Different perps, neither with a lick of humor.

        What just gives me fits of laughter is the specter of Perry trying to figure out “Should I , shouldn’t I” about accepting such support. Votes. Principles, Votes. Principles. I’m sure if money was involved though -- he’d take it. We’re pretty clear on his principles.

  2. Kalima says:

    Oops, I suppose this is what is meant by “eating your own”.

    Perry’s War With the Bushies

    Aug 17, 2011 11:31 PM EDT

    Karl Rove and his operatives appear to have launched a campaign to derail Rick Perry’s 2012 bid, beginning with criticisms that he is ‘unpresidential.’ Matt Latimer on a decade-old feud over power and money.


    • Emerald1943 says:

      IMO, Karl Rove may be the sleaziest operative that has ever crawled out from under an east Texas rock! If a dirty trick was ever played by a rethug, Karl Rove was probably behind it. You can bet he’s a top earner on someone’s payroll…I wonder whose!

      I also wonder if John McCain has ever gotten rid of that bitter taste in his mouth from the treatment he received at the hands of Bush and his “turdblossom” in South Carolina. I could understand why Rove would have done that little character assassination to benefit GWB’s campaign, but what’s his beef with Perry?

      I also know that there’s some really old bad blood between Perry and the Bush “machine”, but in 2011, who would Rove’s dirty deeds benefit now? Does he just carry that much of a grudge, or is somebody paying him to undermine Gov. Goodhair?

      Look for more damning statements from Rove in the days to come. If I were Perry with all my dirty laundry, I would be shaking in my cowboy boots, knowing that “turdblossom” is on my trail!

      • Kalima says:

        Well I wouldn’t want him either on my side or against me either. Women generally hold grudges a bit longer than men, you know, “I’ll forgive, but I’ll never forget”, so it might be a personal vendetta by Barbara for all we know, I’ve heard she can be quite the nasty one.

        Looking forward to reading about this “fight” as it continues, as if we didn’t have enough entertainment with loony Bachmann and yesterday’s story I linked to of a hypocritical Mittens complaining about the President vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard, while Mittens is there looking for cash for his campaign without feeling the least bit bothered with any shame about saying it. Greed is blind.

  3. KQuark says:

    Dudes and dudettes if you have any hopes for this country don’t watch a documentary called “The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia”.

    Wow beyond culture shock.

  4. bito says:

    Now that Gov. Goodhair wants to be Prez who will he choose?


    Tie-breaking vote over Confederate license plates rests on Perry appointment


    And I love this quote:

    “This is not about slavery. This is not about race,” he said. “Our intention is to honor and acknowledge the pride that we have in our ancestors, and in our organization as well.”

    It’s not about our ancestors defending the right for states to allow slaves, it’s about our innocent ancestors.
    Let’s see who Perry appoints.

  5. chasethis says:

    Excellent article! Now, as a Texican, let me add, and I have it on very reliable authority, Guv. Goodhair has a really tiny weeny. If I’m audited after this post, I’m coming for you.

    • bito says:

      I did read that, Khirad, and he will/is being pilloried about all his blanket brags by all those “pesky facts”, and it’s not just the lib sites like CAP/ThinkProgress, others are crunching the numbers.

      Sneaking a peak at the twitter widget? 😉

        • bito says:

          Again, no problem Khirad. I’m glad you put it in a comment, I was going to but didn’t have the time, besides not everyone looks at the widget or clicks “join the conversation” and checks all the articles.
          Once all he brags get number crunched, he will be certainty be “all hat no cattle.” He may have gotten away with his bravado in TX, but now he will undergo some real scrutiny.

    • KQuark says:

      I saw that as well. MSM memes have to stop about the TX miracle.

  6. Khirad says:

    So everyone noticed the orchestrated attack by the Bushies, yes?

    And then the drip, drip stuff comes out more and more, without having to even scratch the surface… Confederate licenses, 17th Amendment, etc.

    And try to forget the threat on Bernanke here. What’s up with the girl in the white blouse (daughter?). What kind of body language is that?

  7. javaz says:

    Paul Ryan is going to run and be portrayed as the sane one.

    President Obama should be able to beat them all, but then again, you never know.

    Americans do know that something is wrong, and what’s wrong is outsourcing.

    Why do the politicians keep cutting taxes for corporations, with no promise that they’ll hire Americans?

    Citizen United proclaims that corporations are people, too, yet corporations are global, so that means that corporations are not Americans, yet they are American people and able to control our elections.

    Believe it or not, this has happened before, before the Robber Barons, it will not stand, but for those of us who are older, we may not live to see it.

    Interesting times we are living, but never lose faith in Americans, we’ll right this wrong, but for those of us who are older, it won’t be in our lifetimes!


  8. funksands says:

    Molly Ivins on Rick Perry:

    “First, we Texans would like to salute the only governor we’ve got, Rick “Goodhair” Perry, the Ken Doll, for vetoing the bill to outlaw executing the mentally retarded.

    We are Texas Proud.

    Such a brilliant decision—not only is Texas now globally recognized for barbaric cruelty, but a strong majority of Texans themselves (73 percent) would prefer not to off the retarded.

    Gov. Goodhair’s decision—in the face of popular opinion, the Supreme Court and George W. Bush’s recent conversion on this subject—is a testament to his strength of character.

    Or something.

    His Perryness announced, anent the veto, that Texas does not execute the retarded. I beg your pardon, Governor. Johnny Paul Penry, now on Death Row for a heart-breaking murder and the subject of two Supreme Court decisions, has an IQ between 51 and 60, believes in Santa Claus and likes coloring books.

    And that’s not counting the other six we know about for sure since 1990.”

    There are other good ones at: http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/08/rick-perry-molly-ivins

  9. Haruko Haruhara says:

    The difference I see is one is running on his religion while the other is running away from his religion.

  10. Chernynkaya says:

    All of us on Twitter need to see this site (sorry if Bito already posted this!)


    It’s a site that has pre-written Tweets of all the horrible things Perry has done and said. All you have to do is click on the ones you want to Tweet these facts.

  11. Chernynkaya says:

    All I know is, I don’t think I will last if Perry doesn’t flame out real quick, ala Fred Thompson. I. Can’t. STAND. Him. Seriously, I’m at risk.

    I thought I couldn’t bear hearing Sarah Palin talk, but Perry is even worse. This is going to be unbearable. I can’t stand Willard either, but Perry ratchets it up a hundred notches.

    I’ve been reading tons of articles about Perry, and there is no way he could win in the general. He can’t run away from his book and it’s an eye-popper. On every single issue, he’s insane. Add in the Dominionist rally he just held, and forget it--no way can he win. I don’t care if there are bread lines in 2012--he cannot win, and if it looks like he might…ladies and gents, I will be in the streets with a torch and Molotov cocktail.

    • Emerald1943 says:

      Hi cher!

      I share your nausea! Last night, Chris Matthews sounded like he had a huge “man-crush” on Perry, drooling all over his tie! It was the most disgusting thing I’ve seen yet. I don’t think I can take it either! If this guy wins the nom, I’m right there with you, pitchfork in hand!

    • bito says:

      Settle down Cher, but do it’s a long way off before the election. We (of a certain age) have to watch our health.
      (BTW, when should I start to collect the bottles and rags?)

      • Chernynkaya says:

        That’s what I’m saying, bito--I’m too old for this shit again. If Perry gets the nom, we will win. But I have over a year of agony ahead. And you’re a pal--I think you don’t need to start saving the bottles and rags until, say, September 2012.

    • AdLib says:

      I’ve heard repeatedly that in campaigns, his handlers sometimes send him away out of the spotlight because he often says the wrong things.

      Today he threatened Bernanke’s life and said that if he printed any more money, it would be treasonous.

      It’s only a matter of time until the crazy piles up high and insurmountable. It may get him the GOP nom but it will make him unelectable in the GE.

      I really dislike him but I have to admit, I’m hoping he wins the GOP nom because I think Obama will be able to beat him hugely.

      • Chernynkaya says:

        Oh I am rooting for Perry to get the nom--absolutely! I just won’t be able to follow the news on TV or radio. I can’t handle it. I might be able to read about it though.

      • KQuark says:

        Me too but if he does win it’s probably a faster descent for the country.

        He had the nerve to imply Bernanke was a traitor. This is rich coming from a self proclaimed secessionist. I think he’s breaking some of the American exceptionalism commandments on the right so we’ll see if they apply anymore.

        • Chernynkaya says:

          KQ-- did you mean if Perry wins the nomination, or the general? Because if he wins the general, there is no “probably” about the descent. It’s a certainty.

  12. ADONAI says:


  13. KQuark says:

    More like pick your terminal disease.

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