We all know that the National Debt is a big star these days. How big? It’s been on the minds of nearly every American for the last 18 months. How did the Debt get so big? How did it become so famous? And what are its future plans? I sat down with the National Debt last week to see if I could find some answers.
Correspondent: First of all, I’d like to thank you for agreeing to meet with me tonight. I know your time is very valuable.
National Debt: Not at all, happy to be here.
Correspondent: Before we get started, have you decided on what you are having?
National Debt: Ah! Just a salad for me thanks. Maybe a Perrier?
Correspondent: You seemed to slip from view once the 2000’s started, and indeed many people wrote your career off entirely, to what do you owe this latest resurgence?
National Debt: Well, I’ll tell you I was thinking just like one of those people. I couldn’t get any work or press at all for about 8 years. I owe a lot to my new publicists that I hired about 18 months ago. One minute I can’t get recognized on the street, the next, BOOM! I’m everywhere. I can’t thank my team enough.
Correspondent: How did you get so big? What is the secret to your enduring success?
National Debt: Well its really no secret, I’m really just like any other debt. Spend more than you take in, that sort of thing….
Correspondent: I think you are being too modest, you are the biggest debt in the world today. Surely there is a reason?
National Debt: Well its no secret that our global military empire has been one of my biggest roles. I know that ever since WW2, its provided me a LOT of steady work. From the original war through the interminable sequels, they’ve really kept me afloat. Just when I’m starting to feel a little loose in the waistline….BANG! New war. I really think that’s been a key to my staying power. I think the war on terror has a lot of possibilities. Smaller roles, but more frequent work. I could see this making a HUGE difference to me in the long run.
Correspondent: Many Americans view you as a threat to their way of life. Indeed some view you as an existential threat to our entire nation? How do you respond to this criticism?
National Debt: I can’t help it if there are a bunch of kooks out there that can’t keep what I am in the proper perspective. What’s funny is that the more they rail and moan and complain about me, the more publicity I get. So keep it coming yokels!!
Correspondent: 70% of your work has been in the States, but you are doing an increasing bit of work in other countries. How’s that experience been?
National Debt: Fine. Work is work. China is a big consumer, Japan too. I do a bit of work in Europe, but I think Asia is where most of my growth potential is.
Correspondent: Have you thought about retiring?
National Debt: Whoa! What are you insinuating? Ha Ha, just kidding….I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it, but there is so much demand for me that I just can’t see it right now.
Correspondent: Are there any clouds on the horizon for you? Anything that could de-rail the resurgence in your career?
National Debt: Oh sure, same things as always: prudent fiscal governance, a strong economy, a healthy middle class, an end to empire building, coherent tax policy, campaign finance reform, Medicare for everyone, etc. etc.
Correspondent: That’s quite a list! Are you worried?
National Debt: Not in the least. Um…are you going to eat the rest of your steak?