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Scheherazade On December - 25 - 2009

This morning my partner’s mom came to our room to ask me about something. She told me that my would-be brother-in-law just got an email that says the White House refused to let any ornaments on the tree that were Christian, but would allow ornaments with Muslim themes. Do the wingers not let up even on Christmas Day?

Here’s a little background: My partner’s family is primarily made up of wingers, and I don’t mean the moderate sort either. These people are real racist, anti-semetic, homophobic, hardcore, Rush Limbaugh listening, FOX News watching, tea bagger apologists. I’d like to point out that there are a small handful who are not, but for the most part they are the very people I have derided on many a blog site. Needless to say, when we’re all under the same roof for the holidays things can get tense.

Dwayne, one of my sweetie’s older brothers, is especially bad about these things. Dwayne has never been to college, works two jobs, doesn’t watch the news unless it’s FOX, gets nearly all of his opinions from Rush Limbaugh everyday, and literally lives in his parent’s basemen. Yet, he will naturally speak out against unions and health care reform. On Mother’s Day his words caused me to drop a hot pan when I was in the kitchen. He asked, “what’s next? The government’s gonna take care of our pets?”

He knows well what kind of person I am, and we have exchanged words to be sure. Usually he storms off, but when he gets going and starts losing an argument he defaults to making personal comments. He and I don’t even speak to each other if it can be avoided.

My partner’s mother is a nice woman. Jan is hardworking, disciplined, and very outspoken. She was brought up to vote Democrat in fact. Although, her politics would put her to the right of me. However, I did convince her to vote for Obama in 2008.  We live in Kansas, and thus that one vote wasn’t in a swing state. Yet, I am a firm believer that voting is the responsible thing to do no matter where you are.

Well her mom was in the other room talking to Dwayne. It was noisy given the way Dwayne likes to raise his voice in anger about this or that. My sweetie was sleeping in so I closed the door and stayed in our room until she was ready to get up.

I heard a soft tap on the door. I opened it a bit. In a soft whispering noise the woman I call “mom” despite not being my mother-in-law in the legal sense asked me if I knew about an email Dwayne was talking about. In a quiet moment of explanation I felt all the joy of the season leave me for a brief moment.

I brought her over to my computer and showed her where this has been debunked. I even showed her the White House tree. I noted that there was a Christmas party, and one would think if there were Muslim ornaments upon the tree all those reporters would have seen it. I even showed her the ornaments that were sent out to be decorated that had been shown in closeups of the tree. Her response is one I’ve become used to hearing. “I didn’t think it was true, but I just had to ask. Would you print that out so I can hang it on our fridge? I just want to be able to show it’s not true.”

She went back out into the living room and told Dwayne what she had been shown. He then began with something else. This time something that strikes an even stronger chord with me. “Black people are the only ones who bitch. There was no black man that gave presents to kids. There was no black man who ever did that for anybody. The Arabs don’t bitch. The orientals don’t bitch! The Hispanics don’t bitch! It’s just the black people that bitch!” That sent a fire of anger through my body. Years ago I vowed that I would never remain silent in the face of prejudice, and I’ll hold to that vow even on Christmas Day. I stormed out in my robe ready for the battle.

Now that the moment is over I’m left with my thoughts about what just happened. I’m left wondering how this could even occur. How can someone be so angry against President Obama and against African-Americans that he can’t let go of his hate even today? How can someone be so racially insensitive and ignorant that they can’t even restrain themselves from using words that have long since been looked upon as rude on a day when children are unwrapping presents and experiencing the magical wonder of this day? How can someone be so filled with right wing fury that he can’t even show a little respect for the fact that his lesbian sister and her lover are sleeping in the next room?

44 Responses so far.

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  1. abby4ever says:

    I doubt he will ever change, Scher, I’ve seen this type before. From the cradle to the grave…

    • VegasBabe says:

      Well look who finally showed up! Whoooo Hooooo!!!! Didn’t I tell ya it would be ok? huh, didn’t I, didn’t I? Your gonna luv it here and we’re gonna luv havin ya! :)

  2. Emerald1943 says:

    Hey Scheherazade! I have not seen a comment from you today and I’m hoping that with Christmas over, things have settled down at your house! Hopefully, they have all gone back home and you and your sweetie can have some peace and quiet!

    New Years is almost here…I wish you the happiest and best!! :-)

  3. VegasBabe says:

    Working TWO jobs suggests that Dwayne may be a blue collar worker, and one I hope which has no authority over other people. Thank Gawd he isn’t a teacher, or a medical person or government representative, ie., IRS, or fireman or police officer or loan officer or HR representative. I haven’t covered every position, but suffice it to say, let’s hope he never aspires to any of these kinds of positions where his hate for African Americans can be demonstrated in prejudicial practices. We have to much of that going on already.

    • Scheherazade says:

      He’s a chauffeur and works for a ceramics company making sculptures. He has no authority in any of his jobs, but he does have two children. One of whom has spent most of his young adult life in jail due to drugs and alcohol. The other is in his early teens. So, in that sense he is passing on his hatred, which is one reason why I refuse to remain silent in the face prejudice.

      There is nothing in this world that angers me like prejudice -- NOTHING! I’ve spoken out against it since I was a child having been taught from a young age what it is: evil. The saying “hell hath no fury” does NO justice to the anger that such people invoke within me. May no child among us today grow up learning the hatred that such evil brings.

  4. Scheherazade says:

    Thank you everyone for your words of support. :) I’m very fortunate to have such wonderful friends.

  5. nellie says:

    Scher, I’m really sorry about Dwayne. But your partner’s mother sounds like a gem.

    I am of the opinion that anyone who behaves like this on Christmas — or any other occasion where such behavior is clearly out of place — must be addicted to anger. That can happen to people. And someone who’s addicted to anger always needs something or someone to be angry about. If Dwayne is listening to Rush Limbaugh, he’s getting and earful of hate speech about African Americans day in and day out. Limbaugh is a vile creature who prays on people like your brother in law.

    It’s sad that he seems to have lost all perspective and thinks this kind of behavior is somehow needed on Christmas day. Sounds like he needs more diverse friends. Seriously. He needs to branch out. Unfortunately, his anger is probably just as unattractive to other people as it is to you.

  6. SueInCa says:

    Scheh, I know how you feel, I have an aunt like that and a niece. I just do a reply all and say, “you should probably check snopes prior to sending emails out that have been proven wrong, it will also help your credibility”. That way I let them know I am not falling in to their trap and let all their friends know it is not ok. Some of these people are so angry number 1 because they know their president was a total fuckup and they cannot stand the fact that the Dems have now put a brilliant man in the WH. It is their house, doncha know? Sometimes you just have to confront and embarras them to make a point. Don’t feel bad. I just had a similar confrontation with an acquaintence of mine. She knew talking about her friend who was in the mortgage loan(and still is) shark business is against what I believe but she continue to bring him up as some gold standard. I got tired of it and confronted her, she acted so shocked even though she has known for a year how I feel about those people.

    Like the Doors said, People are strange……………

  7. Emerald1943 says:

    First of all, Scheherezade, a very warm and Merry Christmas to you!

    Now, for your “brother-in-law”, this is so sad…sad that someone is that miserable in his own life that he must put others down to make himself feel better.

    Buddhists believe that there really is no such thing as sin…only ignorance! But you might say, well what about murder? If one could only recognize the ramifications of their deeds,if they were not ignorant of those ramifications, they would never commit such an act. This is ignorance at its core. Likewise, the long term results of living a life of bigotry and intolerance cannot be seen by those who choose to live that way…the effects upon others is immeasurable. Just look at the effect upon yourself today from his actions and words. And now, those actions and deeds of his are having an effect upon all of us here as we learn of this situation from you.

    Our words and deeds are like a pebble thrown into a pond of water. Ripples are created that will eventually span that entire body of water, some even bouncing back from the shore line towards the center. All parts of the pond are affected. In the same way, his ignorant behavior affects us all, even if indirectly, by the continuation of that bigotry. It is felt throughout our society and is perpetuated in our children…and on and on it goes.

    Each of us has to learn. We are put on this Earth, I believe, for one purpose only…for our spiritual development, not religious but spiritual! We each learn at our own pace. Some people “get it” while others do not. It is sad that this man does not. It’s like the rungs of a ladder…some are on the lower rungs, some have moved up and up. Let us hope that he eventually moves up that ladder and realizes the hurt that he causes with his ignorance. It may not happen in this lifetime, but he will have another opportunity down the road in time.

    As for you, you keep on keepin’ on. From reading your posts, I believe I know you. You have shared some very intimate thoughts and feelings with us. You have moved up and up that ladder…and are still climbing! You cannot take him with you. He has to make that climb by himself.

    Be happy, be joyful…because you KNOW in your heart of hearts that you are right in the most basic way.

    Have a wonderful day, sweetie! And remember that other law in Buddhism…nothing lasts forever! :-)

    P.S. Sorry to be so late in posting my reply. We had a really bad ice storm here and my power was out for 6 hours! All is well now!

  8. peacekitten says:


    feel sorry for people like dwayne, because honestly, they are oblivious to what it means to be a true human being. they exist, they breathe, they make life miserable for people around them, and they are made of nothing but hate. what they will never admit is that most of that hate is for themselves, first and foremost.

    a person with self respect simply doesn’t behave that way.

    don’t lose any sleep over him. the only one who can ever change him is himself. perhaps one day when enough people around him continue to let him know how wrong he is, he will wake up. in the meantime, don’t let him change you.

  9. whatsthatsound says:

    Wow! Reading Sher’s and K7’s stories makes me happy I’m spending Christmas in far off Tokyo, where Christmas means cakes, bright illuminations on giant buildings, and endless loops of George Michael’s “Last Chrismas” and Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is You”. And guess what the “traditional” Christmas dinner is here?
    A bucket of Colonel Sanders’! I kid you not! They dress up the Colonel like Santa Claus. I imagine some Japanese kids actually imagine Colonel Sanders IS Santa Claus!

    I’ll take their delusions over the ones you guys write about any day of the week, and twice on Christmas!

  10. rubygreen says:

    Good Evening All! Wanted to stop in and wish you all a Very Happy Christmas.

    I’m sorry Sher that you had to experience the hate today, unfortunately most people don’t change just because it’s a “holiday”. It always makes it more difficult when it comes from family. Sadly we don’t get to choose them, but you can choose your friends.

    All the best to everyone.

    • Emerald1943 says:

      Ah, ruby, ruby, ruby! You wonderful lady! It is great to see you here! I hope you had a super day! It is very satisfying for me to see the very best and brightest from HP appearing at the Planet!

      All the best to you too!

  11. AlphaBitch says:

    Scher -- in the way of the people of Texas, “Bless his heart, he’s just too stupid to know any better.” I’ve always found it a little amusing to “bless their heart” before you rip’em to shreds with a negative follow up.

    Seriously -- how can ANY of us have avoided the circumstances of our birth? What color/ethnicity/religion/nationality/tribe we are BORN into? What we CAN control is how we choose to live and love.

    Dwayne sounds like someone who is not making good choices. Bless his heart…..

  12. KevenSeven says:

    How about “Just keep your hatred to yourself. I don’t care to hear it”?

  13. KevenSeven says:

    Oh, another goodie:

    While visiting my oldest brother in VA, his wife launched into me about Bank of America offering checking accounts to “illegal aliens”. Did they come in a flying saucer?

    Wow. Was she frosted. These people are criminals!!!

    Talk about your fat-assed housefrau. Just as pasty white and racist as a creature with two legs gets.

    Being a resident of Los Angeles, I for one think pretty well of the Latin immigrants. If they would more universally master English, I would be OK with that. But if you want to meet people who are prepared to work their butts off, just find some recent Latin American immigrants.

  14. KevenSeven says:

    I feel your pain. And where the hell is my coffee?

    My youngest brother (one of nine siblings) lives in St Louis, is reasonably successful, has three kids, and believes God Sent Bush to Redeem America for the Sins of Clinton.

    He and I had been tight. Until I realized he was a Christofascist.

    He has repeatedly called me a traitor to my nation for my opposition to Bush. Nobody fucking questions my patriotism and remains my friend.

    I have been trying to persuade my wife to stop sending his family Christmas cards, and finally she has taken the message.

    But my sister-in-law sent a huge box this year. Now, we are having tough times financially, and are not giving much of anything to anyone. So this doubly burns me up.

    I am sure my brother thinks he is utterly in the right. He says that “liberals do not accept that there are moral absolutes”. Boy, that was easy to shove back up his ass. When asked if it was morally absolute to deliberately defraud the American public regarding the threat of Saddam, his only response is “are you saying that the Iraqis would be better off under Saddam?”

    Note to all of you: don’t come at me with those sanctimonious straw men. I simply will not stand for it.

    So now I have an un-opened box that I do not want. I will be returning it with a letter to my sister-in-law explaining how I do not accept gifts from a person who has declared me:

    A traitor to America
    A coward
    Morally inferior
    Mentally deranged (Bush Derangement Syndrome)

    I really could give a flying fuck for the consequences.

    • Emerald1943 says:

      Wow, Keven! Watch the blood pressure! I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do, but you just have to recognize the fact that he is just an ignorant fool who has been seduced by the flag-waving and war-mongering…just the results of the fear tactics that Bush played so well for so long. I

    • Chernynkaya says:

      Keven, you and I are cut from the same (zero-tolerance-toward Christofacist) cloth!

      • KevenSeven says:

        I simply will not tolerate people challenging my patriotism.

        Fuck anyone who comes at me with that.

        • Chernynkaya says:

          Oh, they don’t have to go nearly that far for me to cut them out of my life. I have no use for any Reptilian. Anymore than I would allow any sociopath into my life.

          • KevenSeven says:

            I can just tolerate some Repugs. My daughter’s basketball coach is a perfectly decent guy, I have never heard anything objectionable from him.

            Even after I asked him to change registration to Dem so that my club could run him for School board.

            Some few of them are not assholes.

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