Displaying 1,861 To 1,890 Of 2,240 Comments The Blov said “Wow, he has a really happy family!” » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 26, 2010 @ 2:53 pm Geez, Bito. Now I have to feel bad since my family is not NEARLY so polite OR attractive……….. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 26, 2010 @ 11:49 am Hi Bito! Nah, Hindus are not NEAR as scary, at least in my part of the country. I laughed so hard at the Team Muslim vs. Team Black scare-fest on Jon Stewart. Nope, it’s a Secret Muslim that I’ll be. (Although I think there are some of my friends who would faint dead away if I wore “I’m born again” tee shirt) » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 9, 2010 @ 6:50 pm After watching Keith’s show tonight, I decided to call up a friend who makes tee shirts and get him to screen one for me and one for the Blov: I’m a SECRET Muslim It’ll frighten those given to fear, amuse those who know me, and confuse my Muslim friends. Win-win-win, I think. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 9, 2010 @ 6:34 pm Y’all see where Guv Goodhair Perry is willing to yank the plug on medicaid in TX? I have laughed all morning at that one. Good luck, Guv. Piss off the legal citizens who have illegal friends/relatives who DO use the system, AND in the meantime, piss off the old folks, the children of these people who now will pay the $3K/month for assisted living once Medicaid is not an option AND the ones with a conscience. “Give ’em enough rope.” Although I was surprised (and dismayed) Bill White did not win, he did in fact win where I live. I saw about 5 Perry signs, and about 200 White signs. Guess a whole bunch of people held their noses and pulled the lever for Perry. Now what? Thought THAT stunk? Good luck with what stupid and/or stubborn hath wrought. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 7, 2010 @ 8:46 am Nah, don’t get a grip. We love you Boomer! We are ALL entitled to melt downs occasionally, right? Even the grandest kids! I like to think of it as a way of staying “young at heart”. Although there would have been a bar of soap had I used such language when younger…….. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 7, 2010 @ 8:41 am Bito: I already SAW the teaser! Dude, seriously. You amaze me. Let’s email tomorrow (or as we say here: tamale – which I had for lunch) Sorry I don’t have a photo of Elvis, but he’s coming tomorrow and maybe he’ll bring his scarf. xo – AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 6, 2010 @ 7:22 pm ((((((((Uh-oh! And now the keyboard is pissing me off, posting incomplete posts. Warning!)))))))) SOOOOOO…..after cursing out the completely inanimate mouse, I spiked it on the floor. Seeing it lie there, helpless, ineffective (sort of like those Republicans you mentioned) just further infuriated me. I pounced on it, and began once again slamming it on the floor, using just as colorful language. Having spent my rage, I picked it up, put it back on the desk, clicked it and IT WORKED!!! I have decided, however, to NOT open a repair shop for this item (all the salty language and stuff) I called the Blov and told him the Fonzie method (for those old enough to remember) seemed to work on the mouse as it did for the Fonz on jukeboxes. Moral of the story? There isn’t one. I was tired, cranky, angry and frustrated. NOT a good combo, which is why I can’t stay and play tonight. Time for the bubble bath and Horse Soldiers. The Blov often describes me as either “Lotus Blossom” or “Shezilla”. So whine away, dear sweet Boomer. Truly, you are entitled. Love you-AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 6, 2010 @ 6:44 pm Boomer: That is nothing compared to the ROYAL temper tantrum I threw yesterday afternoon, when the computer wireless mouse crapped out. No offer of new batteries, no pushing of little buttons remedied it, and I was screwed. So I called the Blov at work (it was quittin’ time) and told him to bring me a new mouse home. He said it was probably “end user” error, a term that pisses me off no “end”. I burst out crying (a TOTALLY sophisticated move, I might add), at which point he capitulated. Then I turned all my rage (I’m assuming about everything) onto the mouse. I picked it up, pounded it against the newly painted wall, while SCREAMING at the top of my non-self described drill sargeant lungs: “F*CK YOU, YOU STUPID F*CKING F*CK THING!” » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 6, 2010 @ 6:37 pm Rut-ro. » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 6, 2010 @ 5:53 pm Boomer! I only got 2 hours of sleep last night. Tonight I spent about the same amount of time, cutting up meat for kabobs to feed my Afghan “family” – the three boys and oldest girl are here while the parents are in Canada. Tomorrow night: kabobs for all! Doesn’t OH-IO have some stuff to do??? not that hanging out on the Planet isn’t “stuff” – in fact, it is ONE of my favorite things to do. But sometimes it’s time to put on the Big Girl Panties and just get out…… I hate to leave you alone with Bito, though. I’m kinda fond of him…….. I’m good for maybe a half hour. Then it’s bubble bath and reading Horse Soldiers till I zonk. Bito! Just off the phone w/ “Elvis”. He’s tuckered out. Too much party last night, not enough sleep. So “Elvis” is grabbing a bite (perhaps a PB & banana sammitch) and then it’s nighty-night. Thanks so much for the kind words. YOU always touch my heart. I’m pretty sure I can get some of those chirrens rounded up during the holidays to write a blog. Or maybe we can VP one night. THAT would be fun – Baby Girl, MO Girl and the soon to arrive boy – all putting in their 1,000 Afghanis (NOTE: Afghani is the currency, Afghan is the person). Everyone could ask them everything they wanted – totally nonscripted and anonymous so that they can say what they want to say without repercussions. Let me work on that………Think anyone would be interested? Three people, from three different regions in Afghanistan. Of course, it would be my excuse to have time to play on VP as well. AND I’d have to stay up…… Boomer, love you and hope someone comes out to play. – AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 6, 2010 @ 5:51 pm “Get thee behind me kesmarn!” There – does that feel better? It’s what I always dreamed I would say if I ever had the chance to Mr. Cheney. The Blov and I have alter egos – I’m Ebola, with a heavy goth look and torn fishnets, all black leather. He is Poison with a 5″ mohawk and a tatt of a snake with its tail on his wrist, coiling around and around his arm until he hits his biceps with fangs bared and “poison” dripping. Ebola only hisses, doesn’t talk. AND she smokes. So tell me – what does YOUR bad self look like?????? Anyone? Bito? » Posted By AlphaBitch On November 3, 2010 @ 7:29 pm Still catching up, but wow wow whee wow. This is the first time in a LONG time I am proud to be a Texan. And as I tried to explain to the Blov, don’t confuse Ft. Worth and Dallas. “AH LUV EWE, FOAT WUTH”. A true bumper sticker. Dallas? Big hair, little brains. Too conservative. Fort Worth? Where gay men can not only be themselves, but be on the City Council. Way to go, Foat Wuth! I’ll be writing Mr. Joel a thank you note this weekend. I’ll post an address so others can do the same. Speak up. Someone will hear. » Posted By AlphaBitch On October 16, 2010 @ 8:38 am Well, I got to see the “Baby Girl”, one of my students, now back for college. The school she is going to is MARVELOUS – United World College, outside of Santa Fe. She was “the same” – beautiful, sweet, funny, happy. We shopped till we dropped – her host mom taking her to buy clothes for school. We ate at fab restaurants in Santa Fe – nice to go w/ foodies – and spent hours catching up. The news from back home was dire. So many of my children, who had families who NEVER would leave their homeland, tell a different tale now. The war and the suicide bombers (none until Iraq) have taken a final toll on so many that had hoped the nightmare was over. Again, my apologies for having so little time to catch up. I hope to be better this coming week. Now, back to reading! You guys are muy prolific! don’t know where to start… – AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On October 14, 2010 @ 6:27 pm Well, hello, peeps! Long trip, great vacation, came home to a house under renovation. One month of plastic sheet tunnels, plastic and paper on floor, all my items unceremoniously dumped into strange rooms, furniture in the garage. Oh yeah – AND the dust from removing the “popcorn” caused some pretty heavy asthma attacks, so I had to keep living out of my suitcase and stay with friends. AND – I went back to work, after a 15 year hiatus, at Public Television. All in the same week/s. YIKES. Then I come here, and lo and behold – bunch of busy beavers (so to speak). So much to catch up on. Forgive me while I read for the next week or so….. Great to see everyone still working on the Planet. Great to be home. And I found my “unmentionables” and am back to being relatively human. See you around once I catch up. -AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On October 14, 2010 @ 4:59 pm Perzactly!!! » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 12, 2010 @ 9:20 am I’ll watch it on You Tube today during the Blech/Palincomparison rally in Alaska! Great minds all think alike, I guess. It’s why the Planet matters. Did you ever see Aliens in America? OH- and Amreeka came today. I’ll watch it too. So much viewing, so little time…. EDIT: And I’m sending a small donation to Heartsong United Methodist Church in Memphis to thank them for their demonstration of tolerance and understanding. I’m sending an email to friends to do so as well. We don’t have much money (most of us), but we are plenty. Thanks for the reminder, Khirad. » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 12, 2010 @ 7:28 am Just another thing Canada has done right. I can’t wait to watch the other episodes. One of my favorite shows of all times (given my work w/ the exchange students) was Aliens in America. It only lasted one season because I guess most would rather watch the Jersey Shore or Jon and Kate. Too sad….and we wonder why our elections are looking so grim….. » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 11, 2010 @ 5:41 pm On a day with such heavy meaning, please forgive me for this, but I just learned about “Little Mosque on the Prarie” last night when the Blov and I visited our own Little Mosque on the Prarie. Yassir in the show (produced in Canada – way to go, guys!) reminds me VERY much of Ali, my Imam friend. Their faces, gestures, etc. And it was Ali and his dear wife Maryam who told me about this. Big thanks to them for lightening the mood. So if you’ve never seen it, but are ready for a laugh at the foibles of prejudice and misunderstandings, sit back for 22 minutes and enjoy. http://www.watchlittlemosque.com » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 11, 2010 @ 4:44 pm NOOO, Silly Rabbit, cuz I use the name “Dynelle Smarm”. It’s another alias, one by which I was often paged at the Denver Intl Airport in the 80s. Don’t ask. I won’t tell. (OK, well maybe – but not tonight – got to run to Eid al-Fitr picnic with my pilau w/ orange zest, carrots, raisins, almonds and turmeric. YUM) But I did tell Ecat I would BITCH at someone for her, if need be……..Different names for different purposes…… » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 10, 2010 @ 4:14 pm Ecat! SO glad to hear you are OK. Am headed to Pagosa next week, after a stop for the weekend in Santa Fe where one of my “kids” has landed. Will be at the Spring Inn under my “real” name, if you are around and not consumed with helping those who need it. Drop me an email if you can. AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 10, 2010 @ 1:59 pm Way to go, guys! I have tears in my eyes, now, too. We also couldn’t make the 9AM prayer, although invited to do so. Besides, I want to show off my delicious Afghan pilau recipe, with rice, toasted almonds, orange zest and golden raisins. Yum! Last time I made it, it was eaten UP! Good on you guys. Stay shy of the Wahabiists. That’s like going to Christmas service at the Dove Church… Peace and blessings on you guys. Especially you, my dear Bito. Off to get the I-20 for my dear Afghan son to come back for school. He is in Bamiyan – a bastion of support for America, and he told me today there were protests about the Qur’an burning EVEN IN BAMIYAN. Sigh. So much hate, so little time. That’s why I suggest standing up, pushing back. Buy a copy of the Qur’an and READ it. (PS I found out it should be kept on a high shelf, no other book ever placed on top of it and never taken into the bathroom, which at my house subs as a library) It helps to read it aloud, weird though it may seem. We can talk about it some time on the Planet. I had my own “revelation” after finshing it and will share it someday when I have time. Love, AB » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 10, 2010 @ 8:21 am Eid Mubarak to the “Secret Muslim Society” (you know who you are!). The Blov and I are countering the negativity by Pastor Narcissist Loonytunes by going to the masjid tonight with my dear friend, Imam Ali to celebrate Eid shoulder to shoulder with other children of Abraham. I suggest you find a mosque/masjid in your own area – one that is open and loving and moderate (there are plenty like that) – and go with them. When I go to the masjid, I wear shoes I can easily slip off, socks, long sleeves and yes, a hijab (usually – sometimes I don’t have one and have been welcomed inside anyway because they know I am not Muslim). I have bangs, so some hair is usually showing. I have been hugged, and welcomed – never once was I stoned (in ANY sense). I do so out of respect for their religious building, the way I would be hesitant to wear a bikini at my Methodist Church or a Temple. Can you imagine, if about 50,000 (only 1/16 the size of the group that attended the Beckster’s rally) went to surround the “Dove” (Dud?) Church and read passages from the Qur’an, the Bible, the Torah, the Baghvad Gita, etc? JUST PUSH BACK, PEOPLE. PUSH BACK WITH LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING AND TOLERANCE. BUT PUSH. If I wasn’t headed to Santa Fe to welcome home my baby girl from Afghanistan, I would be headed to Gainesville. So I’ll celebrate Eid by attending the masjid tonight, tomorrow and possibly the day SarahGlenn hold their pay-for-view rally in Alaska. Screw ’em. » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 10, 2010 @ 6:14 am Yeppers. You got it! Bless your heart…… Any time you feel the need to bless someone’s organs it’s not a good sign! » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 3, 2010 @ 10:53 am My friend, Ms. Marcia Ball, from Vinton, LA, once told me that often a Southern gal will say that right before she says something totally unflattering – like “Bless her heart, she’s just too slow to understand that America is laughing at her” (for Sarah and Jan, the dipsy doo governors) » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 3, 2010 @ 4:20 am Hey hey Khirad! I can’t wait to check it out. I drive my friends and family NUTS because I can be an unwitting “parrot”. I listen to speech patterns and then unconciosly mimic them, so often I am talking “like” someone I am talking “to”. It can be a bit much, and I’m not even aware I do it, but when I think about it, I go back to my own “voice”. I just spoke with a college friend yesterday who, as we reminisced about a professor who had lived/worked in S. Africa and whose class we had taken, reminded me of my month long “infatuation” (her word) with the word baBOON (not BAboon as we in the US are wont to say). I’ve never imitated the Southern accent, perhaps because I am almost hypnotized/charmed by it; but no others are safe. NO WAIT – Sarah Palin’s screech is TOTALLY safe. And again, I’m not really aware that I’m doing it until it is pointed out to me. I talk only Texan when I’m pissed, though. By God. » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 3, 2010 @ 4:16 am Bless her heart! (as we say down here, in a most insincere and unflattering way -any Southerners out there care to chime in?) I’m meeting a new “friend” (referred by two very long term good friends) on Saturday – she’s from Mississippi, and I already love her because of the drawl! Can’t wait for the Afghans to hear it. Beddy bye time for me, now. Can’t wait for the long weekend, and then the much anticipated vacation the following week! Will send you photos. Take care, my friend. » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 2, 2010 @ 7:56 pm Rep. Tang? Shudder – he’s a scary one! But relax, I live in Tex-ass, with Gov. Good Hair and Louis Gohmert (aka the offspring of the banjo player from Deliverance). No reason to make excuses to me! We’ve got the wackiest of all. Sometimes I wish they WOULD secede, so I’d have an excuse to get the F* outta here! But where to go? AZ? CO? What scares me is: so many crazies, so little room. » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 2, 2010 @ 7:34 pm Hey Bito! I met two Canadian lads on the south coast of Texas. While standing on the shore, watching the waves, one turned to me and said: “Man, you must have a lot of troat here.” I had no idea to what he was referring, and when I discovered he meant “trout”, I burst out laughing, which made him laugh hysterically at our pronunciation. On and on it went. The “eh” was a sideline to “oat and aboat” for me. I’m still in touch with this friend, some 30+ years since we last saw each other. A dear man, indeed, who still makes me laugh! » Posted By AlphaBitch On September 2, 2010 @ 7:30 pm My favorite Nicholas brothers…..both died only in the last decade. Stay tuned for the ending!
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