Wailing Wall Quits After Trump Visit

This week, Donald Trump visited Israel and made a stop at The Western Wall (also known as “The Wailing Wall”), leaving a note in the wall as is tradition for those visiting the wall. Such notes are usually prayers and while Trump’s note was no exception, onlookers were shocked to see the note soon ejected from the wall followed by another note that was apparently authored by the wall itself.

Journalists were able to take photos of Trump’s note as it laid open on the ground after it was ejected from the wall and quoted it as saying:

“I am praying to you, wall, as someone who is going to build a magnificent wall that will dwarf even you in it’s amazingness and historicalness and be prayed to like no wall ever before in history. So we have so much in common. And I am praying as someone who has been the most attacked, the most unfairly treated, the most disgustingly prejudiced against person in the history of the world…and you know it’s true if you read the papers. Not the note papers, you know, the newspapers. So here’s what I want from you, I pray that you get rid of the entire FBI for me. I don’t care how, use your super-Bible powers on them somehow, I just want them gone. And this special counsel that was just hired, hit him with a lightning bolt or a meteor or something, just take him out, I don’t care how as long as I’ve got deniability. And I’m praying that you turn all the media into something…I don’t know, salt, lepers, hey what about, snakes! With tattoos that say, ‘I love Fake News!’ but with the heart sign for ‘love’, you know? Do these things for me. Help out someone who’s really suffering, that’s your job, do your job. And trust me, it’ll be worth your while, I’ll set you up with that Great Wall in China, it’s huge, you two would get along amazingly! They owe me after I let ’em off the hook on the ‘currency manipulator’ crap. You do this for me, I’ll do that for you. Or else, maybe we find something suspicious in one of your cracks and have to tear you down to protect the people. Your call. I’m praying you make the right call…for your sake. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump, the greatest but most unfairly attacked president and man in the history of the world. Believe me.”

Reporters then quickly examined the brief note that appeared to be scrawled by the wall itself in brick dust which said:

“That’s it…I can’t take any more wailing after this. I quit.”

To everyone’s amazement, the wall then collapsed to the ground. Standing in stunned amazement and covered in brick dust, Trump looked on as a trickle of visitors to the wall began approaching him and stuffing notes in his pockets, mouth and collar. Trump was soon surrounded by a growing throng and buried in a sea of notes, some eyewitnesses stating that beneath them all they heard Trump wailing, “Obama!”