South Carolina to Host GOP Debate That Allows Only Nasty Limericks

South Carolina, proud of its reputation for having the lowest and most degrading style of politics, is hosting the next GOP debate that will require the candidates to speak only in nasty limericks. The rules for the debate also include “don’t”s that must be followed or candidates will have their mikes cut off.

The rules for this unusual debate also include the following:

1. No candidate may end the first line of their limerick with “Nantucket”.
2. If a candidate recites the same limerick repeatedly, the audience will interrupt him with taunting shouts of, “MAR-CO!”
3. Limericks must contain at least one insult of another candidate referring to them as liars, hypocrites, fake conservatives or having a pee-pee as small as their freakishly small baby fingers.

The candidates have leaked their opening limericks to the media (some don’t seem nasty enough and may violate the rules) and PlanetPOV is pleased to be able to share them here.

DONALD TRUMP

There once was a pussy named Cruz
Who’s too dumb to know he will lose
Not naturally born
Hires women from porn
You see my great polls in the news?

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TED CRUZ

There once was a phony named Trump
Who thought all the voters were chumps
He promised a wall
with no plan at all
And did so with fingers like stumps.

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MARCO RUBIO

Obama knows what he has done
Obama knows what he has done
I may not have said
One thought in my head
Obama knows what he has done.

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JOHN KASICH

I campaign with joy in my heart
Because those who like me ain’t smart
I hide my extremes
with candycane memes
so voters smell cake when I fart.

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BEN CARSON

Ted Cruz does deserve a big slap
For stealing my votes ‘cross the map
My campaign’s not dead
Least not in my head
Now time for a really long nap.

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JEB BUSH

This primary’s so hard to take
The favorite is just a big fake
The nom should be mine
As Bush next in line
But Donald Trump drank my milkshake.