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Comments Posted By Abbyrose86

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Worth sharing….”The Disease called ‘Perfection’ “

As usual they are also good ramblings of thoughts.

And as far as the tv thing, that is so true. I think tv good be a good tool, but not the way we humans use it.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 17, 2011 @ 11:20 am

Thank you platosun…it’s actually a derivative of my real name, and a reference to my hair color!

I couldn’t agree more, those unrealistic expectations that we place on ourselves is just so damaging to ourselves, our relationships and I think our world in general.

While it is good to strive to be your best or do your best, the best determinant of what that best is ourselves, not some social construct that is unattainable for anyone. 🙂

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 17, 2011 @ 11:19 am

No doubt Woman’s magazines and programming aimed at women, is relentless.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 17, 2011 @ 11:16 am

Choicelady..your comment is so full of wisdom and thank you for bringing up Peggy Ornstein’s book, BDM, OR was it Sue, brought it up yesterday, too. I gotta get this book!

I think everything you just said was spot on and a sad reflection on our society.

Especially your point about racism…which can be taken further to classism as well. I had never thought about that aspect before, but it makes complete sense.

I have to go pick up my daughter now…I’ll write more later!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 17, 2011 @ 8:16 am

BDM….thank you for those random thoughts!

I just wish it didn’t so long for women to learn to accept themselves…so much time wasted! {sigh}

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 17, 2011 @ 8:11 am

I couldn’t agree more there…we need ALOT more work on our economic policies.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 7:42 pm

Beautiful islandogirl…absolutely beautiful.

It would do us all good to remember what life is really about.

Beautiful. 🙂

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 7:21 pm

I think you bring up a good point…however social media such as Facebook or other on line sources usually requires READING and doesn’t necessarily seep into one’s subconscious mind, like watching images does.

There is a reason advertising is a multi trillion dollar industry…it works. MARKETING works and creates behavior. Marketing isn’t just what one sees in actual advertising, it’s everywhere…images are marketed, clothing is marketed, trends are marketed. ALL these things and more are shown in various media outlets and are constantly being reinforced in our subconscious mind.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 5:21 pm

ME either! I love MY rose bushes and can’t wait til I can see and SMELL that sweet aroma again!

I was so upset with the flowers at the florist…I have 2 dozen roses sitting in my house as we speak and nary a scent.

Ugh!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 5:10 pm

@escribat…Great points. Especially about expectations. I posted another comment on this thread about how perfectionism had a profound effect on my life…and not in a good way…but what you said about expectations, probably was at the heart of it.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 4:21 pm

AND that is WHY I am no longer there!!! 🙂

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 4:00 pm

Oh thank you for that escribat!

Let them know I raptured myself and I’m here!!! 🙂

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 3:49 pm

Thanks Granview….I’ve never thought about sharing my writings with them…THANK you so much for putting that idea in my head!!!!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 3:20 pm

Exactly!

Or how about the smell of a rose in your garden…btw…is anyone else disturbed by the roses sold at most florists and stores these days? WHERE IS THE SMELL?? While they certainly LOOK pretty…they don’t have that sweet aroma that makes a rose a rose!!@!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 3:18 pm

Cher, as usual you provide another perspective, one which shows great wisdom. I think getting older does help some seek a change in their perspective and desire to simplify their lives.

I don’t long for the days of Ozzy and Harriet, nor do I see any positive out of the so called realty tv fare of today.

I actually am not sure what I think TV should be…on the one hand, I see it as a useful tool for spreading information and a great entertainment device.

However, I’m not sure if this tool is being used appropriately and I am not sure how it can be changed.

Some programming does provide a positive insight, yet other programming is simply junk…and not even good junk. And other shows are just fun.

But perhaps they could be fun without be unrealistic? I remember loving “Roseanne” when the show first came on, because it was still entertaining WHILE show casing a ‘real family’…not a “Hollywood” beautiful family but an average family, with an average house, going through average struggles.

So often the shows the shows on tv, whether they be supposed “reality TV” or sitcoms are so devoid of reality they are ridiculous and portray life in such an unrealistic manner that they aren’t even that enjoyable…not really.

One of the things that makes great comedy funny…is that it’s real and that people can relate to it. Great drama often provides larger than life events, and how people react, regardless of status. It’s the humanizing of the events that make them good…not the overly beautiful actors or actresses that make for great entertainment.

I love going to the theater, it truly is one of my favorite things to do…live theater is so awesome in my opinion, but most of what makes going to the theater great, is not the visual perfection of the stage or the actors/actresses…it’s the STORIES being told and how they are being told.

I love music and going to see a live band, but it’s not the perfection of the sound that makes going to see a live band wonderful, it’s the atmosphere, the changes they make to the tunes when playing live, the interaction with the audience…even where there are mistakes, the show can still be great.

TV and movies try to portray perfection all the time….I think that’s wrong somehow.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 3:17 pm

🙂

Thank you jkk!! You are so kind!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 3:04 pm

I like that concept cyrano…”if we’re successful humans, we continue to grow in a positive direction until we’re dust”

I really like that!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 2:28 pm

Well said, especially the last sentence. WOW…I really liked that cyrano!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 2:27 pm

There are some words of wisdom there David.

I’m not sure if perfection itself is a worthwhile pursuit…I’m thinking striving to be one’s best is a worthwhile pursuit…and realizing that perfection maybe the wrong goal. So maybe the word isn’t appropriate. Just a thought.

I do agree 100% with the rest of your comment though. Don’t hurt anyone, have a good time, and avoid obsessive behavior ARE ALL great pieces of advice! 🙂

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 2:24 pm

Indeed.

We seem have a very warped sense of priorities, don’t we?

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 2:21 pm

indeed…shutting off that TV is a good idea.

And Zappa did give a great message there. Sadly we often miss these messages.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 2:20 pm

Thank you liberallioness.

It’s a tough journey to take, but in the end, I think what you say is true, cliche or not…one does have to learn to love themselves warts and all!

I wish you well on your journey and this struggle!!

🙂

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 2:17 pm

WOW…sad.

I think you are right for some people, nothing is ever good enough…I fear they will never find any sense of contentment…{sigh}

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 2:03 pm

@HH- I have many loved ones who have the same struggle, including my own daughter.

It’s heartbreaking that our society places such an emphasis on a person’s size of their body, rather than the size of their heart and content of their soul.

So many young women have become victim of this unsustainable, unhealthy quest.

Thank you HH for feeling you could share your struggles with us.

{HUGS}

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 1:56 pm

Interesting thought…mirrors, hmm…they certainly, I am sure HAVE played a role.

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 1:53 pm

One of the reasons this piece resonated with me and why I felt the need to post the above article, was that I am a recovering perfectionist.

It’s taken ME years to realize the error of my ways and to accept that I am not perfect and I cannot attain perfection in my life. I still have my moments though.

I was seriously depressed a couple of years ago, brought on by a life event (a failure of sorts…that occurred when I lost the company I started, due to a ‘difference of opinion’ with one of the investors.) That event coupled with serious health struggles with my daughter which had transpired in the years immediately preceding THAT event…made me feel like a complete life failure.

I beat myself daily…that I wasn’t good enough or capable enough. If I had only been smarter, prettier, a better mother, a better parent, a better child, a better student…if I just had managed to attain that perfection that I had spent my life striving for…NOTHING bad would have happened to me.

Well, that was just ‘crazy thinking’ on my part…I realize that now.

My healing from the perfectionist disease, really came from seeing how my insane desire for perfection, affected the two loves of my life, in a very serious and negative manner…my son and my daughter. It was my daughter’s struggles..her battle with anorexia and bulimia, as well as her dealing with epilepsy brought on by a head injury,and her suicide attempt, which pushed ME to REALLY open UP my eyes and recognize what I had done to our family with my unattainable quest to have a ‘perfect family’ and ‘perfect life’.

This unattainable quest, for me, anyway, was partly fueled by media images, and my mother’s love of everything Hollywood, as well as my own issues of a negative self worth.

I was the perfect dupe for what Madison Avenue and Hollywood were selling. I bought it hook, line and sinker. I used to joke that I lived the perfect “American” fairy tale…two children, a dog, a cat, a house in an upscale ‘burb; with a walk in closet and a picket fence ( I literally have a picket fence), divorced, high stress career and UTTERLY MISERABLE!

The best thing that could have ever happened to my family is when the facade fell down, and everything started crashing around us. WE ALL had to take stock, revise our priorities and get to work on our own issues and deciding what really was important, part of that was accepting we would never be perfect.

My daughter, I’m happy to say is doing well now…she still has battles but she’s come a long way. I’m in a better place too…a much better place. I don’t worry about being perfect anymore, for part of that I must thank my Significant other…he is NOT a perfectionist and has helped me calm down and accept that life isn’t perfect…SO WHAT if it isn’t. He tells me after I gripe about not having time to do something around the house… “so what if the house isn’t perfectly clean…did you have fun today?” HE also says…”you might not get up tomorrow…so why waste time worrying about what you can’t control.” Good advice.

For another part of my healing, I must thank all the good people I met on HP.

As I was going through all this, I had an exceptionally bad day and I found myself playing on my computer and came upon the Huffington Post. I started reading the comments and after a few days, I finally had the confidence to post something myself. The positive way that the community embraced me and my thoughts….was like a homecoming of sorts. I felt good and a part of something. Just before coming to HP, I had returned to school and was making some significant changes. YOU all were part of that going as well as it has!

It was through meeting all you good people on HP, that my eyes opened even further. My journey took another interesting turn. Blogging became a form of therapy for me…by reading the comments and struggles of everyone else that I had met on these forums and making comments myself…(which often required some serious thought) My perceptions changed even further and alas, so did I.

I think we all forget sometimes how are own actions can a positive or negative effect on others.

Anyway…thank you all for being a part of my life and helping (without knowing it) through some difficult times!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 1:51 pm

Good idea!

Yes they are…making a killing.

{sigh}

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 1:09 pm

I don’t mind at all…it actually fit right in with the topic!

Hi Chase always a pleasure!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 1:05 pm

Well said BDM….and her one liners are fantastic!

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 1:04 pm

Good point deygirl…VERY good point.

I didn’t even delve into that, but I am grateful that you did…that too is a huge HUGE thing, that has a negative effect on people.

Thank you for bringing it up.

AND dear dey, you are wonderful. Your posts and insight are so needed! Please, please don’t feel put off by anyone, you have so much to offer and have provided many good thoughts through the time I’ve read your comments on HP and on Facebook.

{{HUGS))

We all feel less than adequate sometimes…shoot if I told you all my issues…you would think I needed serious medication!

I just chose to try to highlight my own positive perceptions rather than dwell on my negatives…especially when blogging and reaching out to people on line. It helps somewhat in dealing with it all! 🙂

» Posted By Abbyrose86 On February 16, 2011 @ 1:03 pm