On Christmas Eve, we have finally seen the passage of a bill that has pried open the previously locked down room of recognizing public health care as a human right. It was done without the support of one single vote from the right.
To me, that is not nearly so much a reflection on politics per se but on what we have become as a nation. What was a slow boil of cynicism and the drying up of compassion for nearly thirty years reached a head under the Bush administration. Why there should have been any debate at all over ensuring proper health care for EVERYONE in this country when there has been little to no debate over the blank checks written for two illegal wars is beyond me.
Ahead of his time, Thomas Paine recognized from the beginning of this country that a social safety net was absolutely essential for a humane society.
But what is it that has allowed so many people to turn their back on others, to deny them food when they are hungry, shelter when they are homeless, medical care when they are sick, comfort when they are full of despair?
I have always believed that it is the moral imperative of the strong to protect and provide for the vulnerable in a society, whether they have four legs or two. Each of us is inescapably responsible for the lives around us when they become lives in need. Yet those who are the strongest seem driven with some pathological blindness to perpetuate suffering for no other reason than to amass such enormous wealth that their lifestyles would shame royalty.
Sometimes all it takes to ease the suffering of another is a kind word, companionship, raking the leaves in a yard, a bowl of food for a desperate, hungry animal. When we have strength that another can use, we must share it. When we refuse, we have put a wall between what it is that makes us truly human and the outside world. When we refuse, we can never know the best part of ourselves, or receive the gift of seeing a smile replace tears on the face of another.
This may be the “Christmas season,” but we should strive to maintain the spirit of selfless giving EVERY day of the year. This started out to be a column about some of the most forgotten among us, namely the homeless animals who will spend yet another lonely day in a cage, but there are many people who will also spend a lonely day on the street, hiding in an alley, just as hungry and unhappy as their four footed counterparts. We can learn much from our animal friends, and if we are smart, we have enough decency to let their natural capacity for love and forgiveness humble us with its overwhelming strength. Inside each one of them beats a loving heart, that loves without pretense, and forgives without strings. Yet millions of those loving hearts are stopped deliberately each year, because they don’t find the right people to appreciate them in time.
Strength doesn’t come from money or external trappings of power. It comes from a place we all have, but often seem too afraid to access within us. This next year, I hope more of us will learn to look for it, to understand that we are a community no matter where we come from, what our house looks like, what spiritual beliefs we hold, and most of all, to understand that we can live that way EVERY day, not just one day a year.
I will do what I have to do to stay online and in touch here. I have no idea when I could find myself without a home and without internet. Chernykanya, PK, Kesmarn …you lift me. I’m still terrified of losing the roof over my head and I just know that if I can find shelter and a little fucking time to catch my breath and rebuild…I’ll be okay. There’s no way of knowing how this will all turn out. Walking ‘through’ this time…yes…I understand that. I only want to be safe…don’t want to be rich…don’t want fame…I just need to be safe…and secure. I no longer want relationships…apparently I am far too bad at at them to endure any more. I give too much of myself and my heart for my own good. So tired of loss.
I’d like to post a few poems, Adlib and need to know the best forum for these. I do not want to wear out my welcome here, too.
This is Fall Away…
fall away now
fall away into the shadows…
stand as a memory
forget all the days
a scent on the breeze
a thought never voiced
time is a highwayman
stand and deliver
beauty yields its treasure
to a familiar mirror
ghosts gather to you
in the long hours
shadows fall away
fall away each one
wind down the hands
to the end of the days
Thank you, TRP, for that beautiful poem!!!!! As long as you write, you will thrive, I just know it. And I think we can post poems in either the Speakers’ Corner or in the Arts section, maybe. I for one, would welcome them.
TRP,
You are not alone, you are not alone. Most of us have been or, at the very least, come close to where you are at this very moment in time.
I, for one, am not only concerned about your well-being, but also your state of mind (is that an oxymoron?). Nevertheless, you know how to reach many of us outside of PPOV. If nothing else, please contact any of the Admins., please? This is not a time to suck it up and take it on the chin, not! You have many sources available to you — use them; don’t throw in the towel. Please don’t.
It would seem we both write poems with similar themes. 😉
TRP. Please keep writing. It’s how so many of us “process” our experience…and communicate with others who are going through the same things.
How arrogant of me to presume to give any advice! But I just have to say that I think there’s wisdom coming from deep inside yourself that is telling you–as you said–a couple of important things:
1. I need to get myself to a safe place.
2. I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.
I think those are probably very true instincts. You really do need a place where you can take time to think, and talk things through with someone you can trust. And launching into a relationship right now could very well be such an energy-draining distraction that things could get even messier instead of better. I know this is a total cliche, but now is a time to focus on you. And on getting healed.
Everything else–risk taking, new adventures and relationships–can wait.
Try to take care of yourself. Try to get rest and decent food and fresh air. Try to avoid the easy ways to feel good–booze, drugs people who aren’t good for you…well, you know… You don’t need any lectures! Just friends. And you’ve got ’em here. Don’t forget that!
Dear TRP, one moment, one second at a time. That’s all we have. There have been days when I have sat at my kitchen table, terrified of what would happen. The past is gone, the future is not here, and there is only this moment. I told myself–right this second, I am safe. And then in this second I am safe. And in this second. And again. I would eat, and it was my last meal. I sat there and told myself, this moment is OK– nothing bad has happened. And then another. And the day was safe. The panic and despair faded in those moments.
And there were other days, when it felt as though I knew the future held only disgrace and I didn’t see the point. But I had a point, and his name is Josh, my son. You have too have a point–your girls.
Good mornin’, peacekiten!
I always thought you were brilliant when I came to “know” you over at HP. I would always agree with your comments. It seemed like we are on the same page about most things.
This article you posted is some of the most poignant I have read. This one is certainly worth saving and I intend to do so.
One thing strikes me from all the comments as well as several articles posted over this holiday…that none of us are immune from pain and suffering. We ALL have our share. There is Scheherazade’s ignorant brother-in-law that makes her Christmas miserable with his bigotry, TRP’s loss that shatters him, and even my sister’s illness and fight for life that is gut-wrenching to the entire family. None can escape the randomness that causes complications and pain in our lives. But the best part of us is the compassion that these “slings and arrows” bring to the surface in us. Those of us who are hurting seem to have an unlimited supply of it for others less fortunate, either two or four-legged. In some strange way, our suffering makes us better people. That seems, as I re-read it, rather trite, but it does ring true.
There is no doubt in my mind about you, lady! You’re one of the best and I am so glad to see you here at the Planet! Keep writing! I cannot wait to read your next post!
Love to you!
Dana
you are much too kind, my friend.
i seem to remember that your sister has been moved from ICU, and if that is the case, i am most pleased. i hope you know that BlueStateMan and myself are sending you and your family all good wishes and hope for her recovery.
i think you are right, our suffering does make us better people mainly because it brings us to understanding. it is not a trite sentiment at all because it is true. it’s not so much what happens to us in life as it is what we do with it. we are given a chance to see what we are really made of. some people unfortunately turn to bitterness, but that is no way to live.
the reason i chose the image i did to go with this piece is because a deeply loving heart is often inescapably, a bruised and broken one as well. i am trying to think of that condition as being “well-used” but in a good way.
love to you as well, my friend.
Debra
Thank you and BlueStateMan for the kind thoughts. I told TRP below that I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like this in my life. The prayers, thoughts and energy sent this way was amazing. I swear that I picked up on it.
My sister is not out of ICU or completely out of her coma yet. She has had three instances of coming around enough to mumble a few words. This is not much, but we are guardedly encouraged.
I see from your post below that you are a classical musician…well I am too. Almost 20 years of piano! I’m such an incurable romantic and Chopin tops my list. But then, Bach is my rock! I love it!
Your words to TRP were spot on! I hope he will hang in there! After all, there is nothing permanent!
And thanks for letting me know your name! Sometimes, this anonymous thing just is not appropriate when we are this deep.
Hope you’re having a great day with your hubby! 🙂
you are most welcome, my friend.
it sounds as if your sister is at least going in the right direction, and that’s a good sign. please, keep us posted on how she is doing.
a pianist? i am a flutist, hoping to soon get started on a doctorate in music.
i love chopin, and have some recordings you might enjoy. they are of his piano concertos, recorded on an authentic instrument of the time that was completely restored, performed by emmanuel ax and the orchestra of the enlightenment. it’s all on period instruments, and so beautifully played!
i am glad to know your name too. it’s funny how much and how close you can get to someone when you haven’t even met them. i think it’s great to be able to expand one’s base of friends this way, and i’m glad to have gotten to know you and a lot of wonderful people this way.
Merry Christmas, peacekitten! That was one beautiful piece of writing. It should be required reading for anyone who needs to be reminded of why we all are here. (And I mean, on Earth!)
PK this is one of the best humanistic pieces I’ve read in a while.
Watching about a dozen different versions of “A Christmas Carol” around Christmas I just don’t understand how people don’t get the message. Greed is the biggest evil in our society yet most Americans still worship money.
btw, my friend, i was remiss in not telling you how very pleased i am that you are home with your family and i hope, doing better. your wife sounds like a wonderful woman, and it is good you have each other. when i was growing up, somehow my dad seemed to wind up in the hospital at christmas more often than not, and it just became part of the paradigm. but he always came home at that time of year too, so something in the universe was watching out for him and a little girl waiting for her daddy.
much love to you, my friend, and warmest wishes for a better new year.
Hey K! I hope you are home and feeling better! Hospitals are not very nice places to hang out, especially during the holidays. Get well soon! I’m sending some positive energy in your direction! 🙂
Peacekitten, that was a post so beautiful and touching that none could doubt it came from the heart. 🙂 Well done my friend!
Allow me to add: co sign! 🙂
i am honored for you to cosign, my friend.
Great post, Peacekitten! We built the world wrong, that’s the only way to look at. Collective humanity is wearing a suit that just plain doesn’t fit it. It’s tight and cumbersome in some places, threadbare in others. The left pant leg is designed so that it scrapes against and causes calluses on the right as it brushes past it. Somehow, we need to just throw off this nightmarish outfit we’re wearing, return to our naked, real self, our Tao, perhaps, look upon all the places we went wrong, and start to live as human beings again, or perhaps for the first time.
so very, very true my friend.
Excellent post, PeaceKitten!
There does seem to be an almost corporate personality invading human beings, the idea of self-gratification, greed is good, disregard for the loves and difficulties of others…this is blowback from the corporate mentality and consumerism having become pervasive throughout the media and society.
Add to that, the justifiable cynicism of people who see crooks at banks just get wealthier, righteous politicians prove themselves hypocrites and deception as the norm.
There is a way out, through setting an example for what we can and should be. It’s our responsibility now, it’s up to us to change things. And electing Obama was a good start…but it’s just the beginning.
you are absolutely spot on. we have only begun to change the fabric of our society. it is so very fragile right now, but we cannot give up. we mustn’t ever give up. it isn’t even a question of “winning” so much as it a question of right and wrong, choosing mercy and compassion over a hard and cold heart.
i’ll admit, i like to go shopping as much as the next woman (shoes!) but i haven’t been in a position to do that for a long time. and now, i look at some of the really expensive things i used to buy TONS of, and all i can think is that i could use that money better to help someone else, either four or two footed. perhaps i have grown up. i’d like to think i have.
and you are right, it is our responsibility now. it is one we should be more than happy to take on, because its benefits are beyond measure.
peacekitten: another great article. Just with regard to your words about treatment of animals, I will just quote from my bio at hp if that’s ok:
“The abuse of a harmless thing is the essence of sin.”
(A. W. Tozer (1897-1963)
“The question is not: can they reason? Nor: can they talk? But: can they suffer?”
(Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832)
I can’t really add much to the above, for me it says it all.
thank you for those quotes. the one from bentham is one of my favorites. thank you for the tozer, i had not heard of him before. but it is absolutely correct.
i hope you have a happy holiday today, and that every day is good for you. thanks for reading this post. it’s a topic that means a great deal to me.
Hello peacekitten. Thanks for your post. It felt perfect for this Christmas eve. There is nothing more courageous than staying soft in a hard world.
you are very kind, my friend.
Well, what is there to say? After losing everything in my life this year, this is the 1st Christmas I have ever spent alone. I miss my daughters more than words can express. My heart is just shattered and recovery may never happen for me. I am trying so very hard to keep my shit together and stand strong, but jesus…the holidays are rough.
I simply popped in to tell all of you how much you all mean to me even though we’ve never met. I have bad days and worse days and weird days. Yet, I can count on all of you for intellectual stimulation, a kind word and great Friday night music. You all mean a lot to me. Please hug your family and live in the beautiful moments. I will be thinking of all of you….Happy Holidays
TRP,
I’m so sorry, and I truly feel your pain. It’s difficult, emotional, sad, and any other emotion one has the capacity to feel. I know this will sound trite, but you must, must hang in there, you must — for your girls.
Each of us has had or are having issues. The worst is thinking you’re alone; it’s a major kick in the ass. Well, regardless of how your behind feels, you’re not alone. We’re here and I know you have some of our e-mail addresses.
Thanks boomer,…really.
‘welcome…anytime.
Hey TRP, there are indeed real people on the other end of each post or comment here. You can see from the responses, you have genuine friends here who care that you’re having to go through such a difficult time.
I hope it helps at a time like this, to know that people are thinking about you, wishing good things for you and looking forward to seeing you here and chatting with you.
Things change, sometimes it seems glacial but they do.
All the best to you!
Hey, TRP, I feel for you and of course have no answers except to say what I try to tell myself when I’ve been broken — “This too shall pass.” (It always did). Holidays really can be rough for sure. Hang in there! Sending {{hugs}} and good thoughts your way.
Someone is out there willing to give to you. Someone is out there willing to extend a hand to you. Someone is out there willing to open their heart to you. Forget your circumstance. It is times like this when your soul opens up and the spirit flies free. It will happen. They will come
Hi TRP, it’s 3 a.m. where I am. Just got home from dropping off family after midnight mass. The bishop of our area gave the homily tonight, to a packed house. He reminded us that this Christmas there are people who are losing their homes, their jobs, their health coverage and/or their families and they’re filled with confusion and anxiety. He seemed to be painfully aware of how many people there are out there, who are going through just what you’re experiencing. It was almost as though he was directing his words to your condition. There were hundreds of people in that big, gorgeous cathedral and they all offered prayers for “you” in the sense of all the people (and there are so many) who are having such a rough Christmas this year. So, if it’s any consolation, I and my family (well, except for the littlest one who slept through the whole Mass)
and a whole bunch of other people put in a big plug for you with the Big Guy…you know, the one who Tweets to AdLib on a regular basis. Hope things get better very soon.
TRP, The holidays are the hardest, I know. We are in the darkest period of the year– you, the darkest period of your life. My heart goes out to you, as does anyone’s who has ever been in such a time. Having been there myself, I know that there are no words of cheer, nothing one can say that will give you the courage you may need to believe that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train. (It’s NOT!)
The last time I was in a place like yours, I had a very dear friend who used to come over to my house with books of poetry. She did nothing more than sit with me as we read together. We thumbed through the books, randomly picking poems we liked.
Since I can’t be there with you, here’s one of my favorites, by Billy Collins:
TRP,
i completely understand, more than you know. two years ago, i was exactly where you are, having made a weird kind of peace with the idea of not living any more.
but from somewhere, i don’t know where, i found a last little bit of determination, packed up a truck and loaded all my animals in it and drove across the country for four straight days over mountains and through ice storms to someone i’d never met. my family, with the exception of a brother in ill health, is all dead (they died when i was young), so i asked everyone i could think of, including total strangers for help to get the means to do it, and somehow, it came together. i did it to escape a marriage to someone who’d been abusing me for seventeen years, had broken bones many times, put me in the hospital so many times i lost count, and finally nearly succeeded in strangling me to death. he had even turned his rage against some of my pets in ways that hurt so much i cannot even vocalize them years later. it was a life i had no reference for, because i had been blessed with the best parents i can imagine.
i tell you this not because i want you to be sorry for me, because you shouldn’t. i tell you this because i want so much for you to know that there IS something waiting for you on the other side of your pain, and it is worth you hanging on for. it won’t be easy, and it will take time and effort, but YOU are worth it. you are NOT alone, because even though you may not have met us, we are thinking of you.
stay strong. even a swan who looks so serene on the surface, is actually paddling like hell underneath. and believe it or not, when you put the pieces of your heart back together, you just may find it’s bigger than it used to be.
peace, my friend, today and every day.
peacekitten, you are a true survivor. But that’s something of an understatement, because you did more than merely survive. You’ve built a whole new life for yourself and are able to be a source of strength for others. What an amazing accomplishment.
you are much too kind.
it’s still a struggle against the regrets, the fact that before i left, i couldn’t save some of my animals from him is a knife in my heart i don’t think will ever go away. the depression and fear were just too much at the time. i hope someday they will forgive me, perhaps when i see them again someday.
but i know i have not survived this far in life for no reason. i still have the animals i was able to save, and i am finally looking to the future with hope. a chance to reinvent myself, built on a hard-won wisdom, is a gift i don’t intend to squander. if i can help someone else even in a small way, that too, is a gift for which i am grateful.
Peacekitten– for some reason, I hadn’t read this earlier, and I must tell you how moved I am at your courage! I hope you see it as courage, because to me, courage means a brave heart. Not being unafraid– that doesn’t take courage– but asking for help, for taking off into the unknown. I don’t feel at all sorry for you, I envy you! You inspire me.
you are very kind, my friend. it was one of the hardest things i’ve ever done. i was truly convinced there was just no place for someone like me in this world, and glad my parents were long gone so they didn’t have to see it. somehow i think they did anyway.
now my biggest hope is to “pay it forward” and do for someone else what was done for me.
Good morning, TRP! Your post actually brought me to tears. There is much deep feeling between those lines you wrote. When we suffer a great loss, there are no words that anyone can say to make things better. All we can do is to give moral support.
The day before Christmas, my sister was dying in an ICU many miles away from me. I was devastated and miserable, unable to go to her and unable to do anything to help. The moral support and wonderful words of encouragement from the people here at PPOV meant the world to me. These people, and I don’t even know their names, have been with me over the past several days with an unlimited supply of compassion and support that has been invaluable in my getting through a holiday that is not easy for many of us under normal circumstances.
We are there for you, if only from our keyboards. You are definitely among friends! Lean on us and hang in there!
Everyone. As I’ve mentioned so many times before, you all have helped me see things from other perspectives and from knowing, understanding eyes. I do want so very much to think that I have some purpose left in my life…I just can’t see it. I struggle for clarity, direction and hope by the hour. I can think of nothing but my girls. I know that if I can just find work somewhere in these times to afford a place to live, I think I could begin to piece the 2nd half of my life together. Jesus, I feel like the biggest loser on earth. How did I get here? The worst part is feeling as though there is no place for me in the future. I feel like the world has passed me by. There are long stretches where it truly feels like I am dead, yet I keep going through the motions of the living. Empty.
All of your words rattle in my head and I love you all for them. I have lived a very strange, wonderful life until now. I’ve lived more, seen more, loved harder and have filled my soul with lifetimes of incredible moments that few ever have the chance to experience in 3 lives. All of this I know and am so very thankful for. I’ve always been able to see the way ahead even if the skies were dark and murky…this time I see nothing. At the end of everything I am just a photographer and a poet…not much call for my kind anymore. I’m a ghost in time. You all are my tether to this place and what little hope I have. You all are my greatest gift. Knowing you are out there in the ether sending me best wishes helps me find some direction.
TRP.please keep doing what you did today. Please keep logging on, staying in contact, reporting how you’re doing. Even if you’re tempted to drop out or pull away, don’t do it. (Do you know how many people here will freak if you vanish from our cyber-radar screens? I hope that fact in itself is comforting.)
Keep reminding yourself that the way to get your girls back is to simply, consistently stay in this world for them and to work your way through this dark hour. A friend once told me that there are some situations that can only be “gotten past” by walking right through them. There’s no way over, under or around them. “The only was past it, is through it.”
What you describe seems to be what some have called a “desert experience” or “dark night of the soul.” Hard as it is to believe, what often seems to follow is a period of tremendous growth and insight. But all that’s apparent now is confusion, self-doubt and a sort of loss of equilibrium. Everything that seemed certain and even comforting before is suddenly in question. Nothing is left but endless questions and the painful process of having to find all new answers for them. It’s a process (I can tell you from experience) that is at times actually worse than enduring physical pain.
And it’s hard to believe that it’s going to pass and you’ll have survived it. Amazingly, it does and you will. You’ll emerge from all this a different person. A better person, if you are open to letting this process work on you. (Unfortunately, the process seems to feel like being worked on with a hammer and chisel!)
But I’m running on and on…
The bottom line is: stay with the Planet, please. Focus on the new year. 2010 is on its way in; the dreadful (for many) 2009 is on the wane. Celebrate the beginning of the rest of your life with friends.
That was just perfect, Kes. I have nothing more to say–just perfect, for me anyway. Thank you.
Cher, to you and PK and e’cat, my thanks in return. You’re part of the circle of community here…such an important part.
wise words, my friend.
thank you.
Well said, Kes.
TRP, please take Kesmarn’s words to heart! He speaks for all of us here!
These wonderful people just gave me encouragement to get through my own “dark night” when facing the loss of my sister on Christmas. I felt their love and caring and it has been immeasurable comfort to me. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like this in the many years I’ve been on line.
You’re a poet? How about posting some of your work? I know that others would love to read it. Also your photographs.
And I would take issue with you about there not being a need for your art anymore. Quite to the contrary, my friend! Our poets are our most important chroniclers of our times. Please consider posting some of your poems! I would be willing to bet that there is more than one PlanetPerson who would love it too!
Consider it, won’t you?
ah, my friend, we artists are the guardians of our culture, its messengers and its keepers. i am a classically trained musician, and hopefully, a budding writer.
please don’t give up or think of yourself as an anachronism. we are needed now more than ever. we have the most important job of all, keeping what it is to be human alive.
as dark as this seems, it is only temporary. please, please, please believe that. don’t make the mistake i almost did of finding a permanent solution to something that will not be your life forever.
you will get through this, and there are a lot of willing hands reaching out to you here. grab them and hang on, please.
TRP– Write!
pk,
Welcome to the Planet! This is really fun…so many familiar folks popping in with special posts. Merry, merry and happy, happy. You are another favorite of mine from “across the street.”
boomer1949
thank you for your warm welcome, my friend. and happy holidays to you. i have found that when i have anything important to say, this is the place to do it.
Hi peace. Are you just now joining Planet or have you been here off and on? I just got here two days ago.
been here all too rarely, and plan to make more of a habit of it. it’s a great place!
Nice and thoughtful post, peacekitten.
Something that I noticed today, there has not been a peep about the Senate voting to raise the debt ceiling for the government. The vote was that “magical” number 60 to 39! Can anyone imagine what devastation it would be if the U.S defaulted on it’s debts? Talk about a world wide depression!!! Yet, the Rethugs, every last one, voted against it. These “people” have less sense and compassion as a toad stool. More than 35% wold be out of a job and on the streets. What is the sense in this? This may be a bit O/T, but I can’t figure this out. How many homeless do they want?
we have to get the blue dogs out from the primary level. it is the best way to pull the congress far enough left to start doing things to help people LIVE instead of spending money without end to make sure they die after living a harsh life.
something else that i noticed was missing from the news is that the FBI announced that for 2009, the murder rate in the united states dropped 10% from the year before. violence is never an answer, and i hope that the national level of anger about the wrong things will drop.
In short, we need knights of virtue to police the land.
Seriously, ultimate power corrupts ultimately. At this point, we are so corrupt we can’t even see how we are eating ourselves alive. Only a cleansing can cure this disease. How that will manifest itself…who knows. Most likely a massive environmental disaster.
I wish I had optimism, but history shows that any optimism is poorly placed when it comes to large civilizations. Only a cleansing can do what needs to be done.
All of this technology and we still have the Roman senate. How sad.
that doesn’t mean we can’t live a life striving for kindness ourselves. we cannot give in to those who make the lives of others miserable.
What a wonderful post PK. I hope you have a merry healthy day tomorrow!
and to you, my friend. thanks for reading it.