Fear and gold are two of the best investments you can make in tough times. Oh, and I hear Astroglide stock is doing pretty well too.
Killing Grannies is up astronomically, America becoming Russia is getting a “recommend” from Jim Cramer and Obama being a socialist, Kenyan, Muslim Hitler is hotter than a burning cross.
We’re unfortunately all too familiar with the cheap knockoff of Fear that is the cologne of choice by those desperately clinging to their guns, bibles and few remaining teeth.
But has all the wasteful usage of Fear created a shortage in the commercial sector?
I pondered this as I rushed to my doctor’s office to get a combo Swine Flu\Avian Flu\Mad Cow shot with a Flesh Eating Bacteria chaser.
I recalled that there is one use of fear on TV that is so casual, prolific and offensive that it deserves a special place in the Terrorist’s Truck Bombed Hall of Shame.
Have you seen them? It’s always an upscale white mother and daughter or young white woman just coming off a pleasant time when an Evildoer smashes like an idjit through her door like a linebacker. She (and sometimes her daughter) screams, the alarm whines and this genius burglar/rapist/tea bagger who had no problem with the decibels of crashing through glass windows or heavy doors, is terrified by high pitched beeping and runs away like someone who’s just been invited by Dick Cheney to join him on a hunting trip.
It is the banal nature of this long time advertising theme of ADT’s that makes it most offensive.
“Hey Ladies! Be scared! Men are coming to break into your home through doors and windows like the Kool Aid Guy!! AAAH!!!! They’re a comin’ for ya! We know you never hear about this as a serious concern but it’s serious for us. Seen our stock price?! Now that’ll curl your hair!”
The idea of convincing people to be terrified that they are not even safe in this world in their own home and are likely be attacked when they’re while lying on their couch in their underwear, eating Cherry Garcia and watching CSI…is pretty fucked up.
Makes you want to hire a company to protect your loved ones from the ads of protection companies.