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AdLib On June - 13 - 2011

I will be dusting off the remote buttons that switch the channel to CNN, a station I haven’t watched in a very long time, to watch The Ringling Brothers and Grand Old Party’s Debate tonight. Unlike the usual circus, the clowns won’t be in the sideshow, they’re in the center ring.

My expectations are low, I wouldn’t expect much in the way of fireworks. As this is the first real debate of the race, there will be a bit of caution as they try to get their footing…which isn’t easy when wearing those oversized clown shoes.

GOP debates are typically just the old one-upmanship on cutting taxes, Americanism, exploiting fear and anger and in this cycle, insulting the black president. The theme song to most GOP primary debates should be a redo of Etehel Merman singing that classic song from “Annie Get Your Gun”:

Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
Better than you.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

I can spout “traitor”
As a racist hater.
I can get a Bagger
As a knuckle dragger.
I’ll win on hate and fear.
Are you on the level?
Yes.
So can the Devil!

Any depth you can reach
I can go lower.
I can go anywhere
Lower than you.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I CAN!

Any tax you can cut
I can cut bigger.
I can cut any tax
Bigger than you.

Fifty billion?
Sixty billion!
Seventy billion?
Eighty billion!
No, you can’t!
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

Any “God” you can say
I can say louder.
I can say any “God”
Louder than you.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can.
YES, I CAN!

I can sell myself out
Faster than a shout.
I can spread lies quicker
And get even sicker!
I can oppress any poor.
And make them ask for more?
Sure.
That’s what Repubs are for–
you whore!

Any mud you can sling
I can sling harder.
I can sling any mud
harder than you. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can

No, you can’t.
Yes, I  ca-a-a-an!

As to the specifics of this debate, here’s what I think we’ll see:

Romney will try to look reasonable, Presidential and will pander to the TP by getting in as many insults and condemnations on Obama as possible. But no real solutions to jobs except giving the “job creators” more wealth (to spend on outsourcing jobs to China, India and the 3rd World). He will also detach his head to display that it really looks human when it’s not on his robot body.

Pawlenty will attack Romney on Romneycare and as Romney is the front runner, he will likely take some shots from all sides. When Pawlenty finishes each comment, the audience will awake feeling very rested.

Newt will struggle to prove he’s viable and still in the race but will fail. Before the final statements by each candidate, Newt will be suddenly discovered missing, having left the debate before it is over to attend an auction with Callista at Christie’s for Napoleonic era chandeliers.

Bachmann will declare that MN was one of the original 13 states.

Ron Paul will rail against all government and will furiously debate himself as being part of the problem as an elected official.

Herman Cain will announce that he will send all Muslims and gays to prison just for existing, as part of his “What Would Jesus Do” platform.

Rick Santorum will hold up indecent photos of Anthony Weiner while both decrying the display of such images and having to take a step back from his podium because of how excited it gets him.

And at the end, Snow White will come out and lead all seven in a chorus of “Hi Ho, Hi Ho” as they march off the stage behind her.

Yep…we’ve seen it all before.

Written by AdLib

My motto is, "It is better to have blogged and lost hours of your day, than never to have blogged at all."

189 Responses so far.

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  1. Khirad says:

    Partitioning Iraq = more mayhem?

    Follow up, follow up!

    How and why?

    (commercial)

    • AdLib says:

      When you’re a politician on CNN and make things up, they just say, “No problem, that’s what we do 24 hours a day!”

      • Khirad says:

        And CNN is just happy to have a GOP debate flirting with the evil librul media after spurning them for so long. They don’t want to make a faux pas with an actual follow up question.

        Seems like this was more about introducing campaign planks than a debate, which is fine in this stage. Just bill it as such.

        Or as Andy Card just said, these were “auditions”.

  2. [img][/img]

    Ack! Sputter, Phhht,*&%#@* Whoooooooooooooooeeeeeeee! Spit, Arrrrrrrrgh, Damn. I knew the shit would be deep, but DAYUM!

  3. AdLib says:

    They must’ve ordered a palate of crates of Blather from Costco for this debate.

  4. Buddy McCue says:

    Alright, that was entertaining.

    Ron Paul responded to a question about Afghanistan, and he got on his soapbox and said that we should GET OUT of Afghanistan! GET OUT of Pakistan! GET OUT of Iraq and Yemen and everywhere else because we are WASTING hundreds of billions of dollars and…

    He continued speaking in this firebrand kind of way, and the camera panned over the audience. Many of the conservatives there looked nervous. They looked from left to right, wondering: is this okay? Are we allowed to agree with this? Is anybody else agreeing with this? What are we supposed to do? What are we supposed to think?

    That was a perfect illustration of the basic weakness of the typical conservative. They can’t think what they think they want to; they’ve got to think what they think they’re supposed to.

    To be blunt, I despise such weakness in people.

    • kesmarn says:

      Buddy, it’s amazing how many of them have no idea what to think or say until they get their daily Limbaugh or Fox “news” script.

      • Buddy McCue says:

        kes -- I wish that weren’t true. I really WOULD like to believe in people, and to believe in their own free will.

        I really would, more than I would like to believe in… I don’t know… God, the American Dream, or even my own future.

        I’d like to believe in the freedom of individual people to make up their own minds, and to see things for themselves.

        • kesmarn says:

          Some really awful regimes never would have happened if enough people had been able to do that, Buddy. Their inability to think independently affects every one of us. Unfortunately…

    • AdLib says:

      Scientists have found a genetic link between lemmings and Republicans.

  5. ADONAI says:

    I think the winner of tonight’s debate is gonna be Sarah Palin.

  6. AdLib says:

    Next John King This or That to Newt: “Wife #1 or Wife #2”?

  7. AdLib says:

    I suppose they are holding back all the hard questions for the Tea Party debate.

  8. AdLib says:

    Herman Cain is the only non-white man in the room.

  9. AdLib says:

    How brave, asking Ron Paul if he supports government having power over people! What an unexpected response! He said no!

  10. kesmarn says:

    Does “natural death” occur when the plug is pulled on your dialysis machine because your voucher just ran out, Michelle?

    • AdLib says:

      “Pro-lifers” like Ron Paul are “Pro-Death” for 5 year olds who are illegal immigrants.

      He wants hospitals to refuse care to illegal immigrants.

    • bito says:

      Tim Pawlenty & Michele Bachmann “Your uterus is ours and our God shall be yours”

      • kesmarn says:

        But your retirement and your health care shall be all yours, quoth they. Because the gummint doesn’t belong in your private life.

    • ADONAI says:

      Well, the “natural death” was put on hold the minute they were hooked up to the dialysis machine. I guess it doesn’t really matter after that.

      • kesmarn says:

        I wonder if Michelle got pneumonia, would she decline antibiotics on the grounds that they’re “unnatural”?

        And speaking of going “natural,” Michelle would have had 23 biological children rather than 23 fosters if she hadn’t used some unnatural birth control, I reckon. 😀

  11. AdLib says:

    Whoops…no state rights on Christian issues, only on social issues that help people of all religion.

  12. Khirad says:

    Looks like you guys are having way more fun than this Canucks fan. :sad: 😆

    I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to just change it. Tell me if a hockey fight breaks out in the debate.

  13. Buddy McCue says:

    Tough question:

    Mitt Romney: Chicken Wings… Spicy or mild?

  14. AdLib says:

    Is this a debate for Panderer of the United States?


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