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ADONAI On April - 2 - 2011
President Lyndon Johnson foresaw the end of th...

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Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.
Lyndon B. Johnson







It’s been awhile since I’ve done an opinion piece so I thought I’d do something different. Here I will set forth my platform for becoming President of the United States and give a first look at the rough draft of my “stump speech”. I am only semi-serious about running for President in that I would if I could afford it but I can’t so i don’t worry about it. Still, if I could, here’s what I would do.
Agenda #1: Education
Education reform is the main plank in my platform. The one policy that all others will flow from. It is the most important thing to me. So, how do we begin? A good question. This will be the first controversy in my campaign. I wish to dismantle the Department of Education, abolish the Secretary of Education cabinet position, and start all over again. These institutions have not served their purpose for a very long time. A bureaucratic mess of favors, backroom deals, and unrealistic policy. The NEW Department of Education will be rebuilt to match my new vision of American schools.   I will have the money to address education, and I will get to that later, and it begins with the teacher student relationship. Too many students for just one teacher. We will begin the immediate construction of more than 1,000 schools nationwide(with more to follow as needed) and refurbish at least 500 others  to meet the new standards of today’s world. Teachers will be paid a high mandatory salary with permanent benefits. Teaching will become the most wanted position in America. The salary, benefits, and freedom to connect with every student will bring a renewed interest in teaching among our best and brightest. Standardized testing will be done  away with.  Teachers and school districts will set their own high standards that best serve their students. Everyone does not learn the same and it is time we allow teachers to address that fact. Classroom sizes will be drastically reduced and at least 2 teachers will instruct every class. I cannot speak for private universities but all state colleges and universities will provide free education. Now, when you leave school, debt won’t be your biggest concern. America will again be THE nation of scholars. But, we gotta have jobs for them. So let’s get to that.
Agenda #2: Jobs
Lot of opinions on this one.  Well, here’s mine.  Deal with the corporations OR cut ties with them. FORCE them to adhere to a tax code and no longer allow American companies to outsource American jobs.  If they want to hire the Chinese, leave our shores and move to China.  Not only will you pay taxes but you will return to the 90% rate. I will insist on a national “Bill of Rights” for workers. Guaranteed pay that reflects the current cost of living( a new “minimum” wage).  Guaranteed benefits that can never be revoked including so much paid vacation and free health care(which I will get to later). If I have to I will buy every factory in America and staff them myself. This country WILL be profitable again. We will begin a program to install new energy infrastructure. One that puts China’s program to shame. This will be our new “Apollo Moment”.  When the country did the right thing not because they finally had to but because it is the right thing. Wind and solar?  Sure. But why stop there? New advances in geothermal energy means that an active Yellowstone and California could lend power to half the country. No one method would solve our problem but, combined, they could begin to show us the way out of it and produce millions of new jobs that will eventually produce millions more. Many may think it’s a pipe dream but once, long ago, powering the whole country with oil was too.
Agenda #3: Health Care. This one seems pretty simple to me.  Again, like teachers, doctors AND nurses will receive what I call “value pay”. What do you offer this society? The chance not to die? Well, my friend, you get  a fat paycheck. Doctors and nurses will be paid by the state now. And paid well. Insurance will no longer be an issue as health care will be free to all who need it. Just like the schools, a program will be started to build new hospitals, first in high traffic areas(like large cities), then staff them with the best of the best with the best salaries and benefits available in the world. Money will be moved from FDA research into BIG PHARMA drugs and onto independent medical researchers who will make any medicine they find freely available to the public. Health care will be free, well managed, and available to all. We spend more on the bureaucracy of health care every year than it would take to provide all with free health care.  Time to end that bullshit.
Agenda #4: Foreign Policy
Again, an easy one. No more war. No more bombing. No more of our particular brand of  “help”. ALL dictators will be put on notice.  If you harm your people we will NEVER deal with you again. If you still want our money you will agree to an “investment” into your country.  Starting with the most willing participants, America will begin investing in the world. Money once used to build bombs and aircraft carriers, will now build homes and roads. A place like Haiti would be rebuilt with modern infrastructure, and American money would be invested in businesses all over. We would have an interest in seeing the world grow as one. Not an interest in shooting people for our oil. Anyone willing to go along would join America in a coalition to build the world, and would all have equal say. Connect the world to bring it together. If America is truly  a guiding light, then let us guide.
That’s what I got so far. 4 big issues I feel need to be addressed. Now we move on to the unveiling of  my stump speech.  Still a work in progress:
“Good to be here today in (insert your town’s name here). Glad to see those  (insert famous local product/sports team) are doing well. Folks, I come here today to share a new vision of America with you. A crazy vision that involves better education, more jobs, fair pay, and a chance to get the medicine you need without declaring bankruptcy.
An America that again values hard work, sacrifice, and care for our fellow man. Folks, the people in Washington right now don’t want any part of that. The people in your state capital don’t want to hear it either. If we start solving America’s problems, our politicians are out of business. They don’t get elected to solve problems anymore. Only manage them. Manage them in a way that gives you just enough room to breath but not enough to question. They offer bitter compromise in the guise of hopeful solutions. Two Parties living off decades old legacies that aren’t all that impressive to begin with. One tied to an actor President who spent more timing trading arms with rebels than running our country. And the other to a legacy of Civil Rights they never got involved in til the end and only went halfway on when they did. Liars seems like such a strong word. Perhaps we could stand ,”Motivated deceivers”. Motivated by the need to retain power and hand out any marginal change that will subdue the masses that give them this authority.
Who decides American policy? Well, I was always led to believe it was the people, but that doesn’t appear to be the case anymore. The people seem to be pretty lackadaisical when it comes to vigilance and our democracy. Too many are content to leave the voting booth and feel like their job is done. The job doesn’t end there. That’s not even where it begins. In fact, it’s a small middle when stacked against the duties of democracy. Who did you vote for? A name? A face? A letter? How much of that candidate’s history do yo know other than he or she is “on your side” and against the “other guy”? How much do yo know about that”other guy”? It seems politicians get into office and then decide our way forward for us while we check our new status on Facebook.  Yet, when problems arise, we rush to blame those same politicians whom we left to their own devices. If campaign promises are enough for you to feel secure than I truly envy your bliss. It must be all consuming.
I am no there as a politician my friends. I am here as an agent of change. I have no promises.  I cannot guarantee you anything you cannot guarantee yourself.  I am not your leader. You are mine. I am not your boss.  I am your employee.   And I have  a few complaints about the way you are running things. Yes folks, you.   All the people here and those watching on TV. I am suppose to go to Washington to help the American people and not the interests of a particular political Party. That is what I intend to do.  But not before asking the American people just what it is they want?  My opponents believe you want  what they want.  And why shouldn’t they?  The American people are easy. Make a few promises and, as long as the TV says it’s o.k., they go right along with it. That is not what I want. I want your vote. Not your endorsement. So I am being honest. I want to know if this is what you want. If not, I am no longer needed.
I have been honest and forthcoming about my plans for this country. I know many will not approve. It will take years of sacrifice and possibly disrupt the comfort we have all become so accustomed to. But you must be broken. I must break you before you can be rebuilt. Or watch as we all slowly crumble apart. I will not lie. I have no rosy campaign promises. No half truths to exploit at your expense later.  Only the offer of hard work and sacrifice for  a better country.  If not for us, then for our children.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for you time. Peace be with you.
That was  a decent stump speech right? Tall on rhetoric but short in details?  Oh well, I await your feedback.

Written by ADONAI

For, behold, the LORD will come with fire, and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire. For by fire and by his sword will the LORD plead with all flesh: and the slain of the LORD shall be many.

29 Responses so far.

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  1. chasethis says:

    Adonai--Please, please, please may I produce your tv/web commercials? Also, I can make some wicked awesome signage. Once you’re in office, I’d like to be named “Presidential Party Planner.” I’ve got the PPP staff all lined up. It would employ tens of family members.

    • ADONAI says:

      chase, I was hoping you would want to be one of the campaign managers. You can totally handle the PR.

      I definitely want a Super Bowl ad. Something involving me, a monkey on a triycle, and Cirque Du Solei.

  2. KQuark says:

    All I can say is good luck with that AD. It all sounds great in principle but how do you get there even as president? You would have to be a dictator to deliver on 10% of your promises. Just saying.

    • ADONAI says:

      KQ, I totally realize that. But these aren’t promises. I don’t plan on doing any of this shit. The country has to do it.

      This isn’t a list of things I’d like to do or a list of things I “promise”. I have no promises, only offers. This is a list of what NEEDS to be done.

      If no one is for it, I’ll leave quietly and let them continue “hashing things out”. But I will be ready to say , “told you so”.

  3. whatsthatsound says:

    After much soul searching, and conferring with my inner circle, doing a “gut check” to see if I have fire in the belly, etc., I’m considering throwing caution to the wind, and tossing my hat into the ring.

    I want to be Secretary of Cliches.

    • Kalima says:

      Psst…..that wasn’t your “inner circle” wts, you were dreaming. It was Rosie with her tail wrapped around your neck again. 😉

    • whatsthatsound says:

      …but I neither confirm nor deny that I am jockeying for the position.
      AD, the ball is in your court!

      • PatsyT says:

        wts, let AD get his bearings, I am sure you are in the running.
        With your qualifications, you will be a shoe-in.
        The job was tailor made for you!

        • whatsthatsound says:

          Thanks, Patsy! My Inside the Beltway mover and shaker friends tell me I don’t have enough street cred on Main Street, so I may have to go out on the stump, and get some more face time with the folks in flyover country.

  4. jkkFL says:

    Mr. President,
    There is a Beautiful Bulldog who has an appointment with you- (scheduled Before that other mutt,- seeing him is pointless, anyway.)
    Blue just wants to wrap up the party plans for Butler.
    * He also brought cookies, and an autographed picture of himself and his Friends- suitably framed for the Oval Office.
    I’d vote for you in a heartbeat!!
    Let me know where the campaign begins- I’m there!!

  5. kesmarn says:

    Mr. President,

    There’s a Huskie waiting outside the Oval Office to see you, sir.

    Shouldn’t take long.

    He says he only wants to make one more point.

    • ADONAI says:

      kes, I’m sorry, I had to thumb that down. Too soon.

      Too soon. 😉

      • kesmarn says:

        I totally understand, AD. The grieving process takes time. :-(

        Hey — seriously — your guys played an absolutely amazing game!

        • ADONAI says:

          kes, They did play well. Very well in the tournament. I just feel bad for those kids. They gave everything they had and I’d like to have seen them go one more step. But they did that jersey proud. SEC Tournament Championship and a Final Four banner when no one expected us to do much of anything a month ago. A great season. One of many more to come, I’m sure.

  6. AlphaBitch says:

    AND as an addendum to my qualifications:

    1) I have LadyBird Johnson’s recipe for tortilla soup (yum)given to me by one of her former employees/friends

    2) I have a friend (a Mr. Smarty Pants) who works at the LadyBird Johnson Wildflower Research Center in Austin.

    (since ADONAI began w/ a photo and quote from LBJ) (Brownnosing never hurts, just playin’ to the base)

  7. AlphaBitch says:

    Dibs on Secretary of the Interior AND Imperial Princess Poo-bah. AND, unlike my esteemed colleague, Mr. Whatsthatsound, I actually LIVE in the U.S. Or at least some semblance of it until we secede (wishful thinking on YOUR part).

    • whatsthatsound says:

      Having an international outlook is an advantage, not a disadvantage, I’ll have you know, AB. Why, I can see Japan from my house!

      • AlphaBitch says:


        Well, perhaps. But I’M going to say that this was “just another job shipped overseas”. Because I AM the Imperial Princess Pooh-bah.

        Why, I have spent YEARS with foreign “dignitaries” (aka students) from Japan, as well as: China, Germany, France, Italy, Sweden, Denmark (x2), Kazakhstan, not to mention Afghanistan (x57+13). But I have done that while remaining a quasi-loyal U.S. citizen, paying taxes and bringing “the mountains to Mohammad” so to speak.

        Your turn, Mr. Whatsie.

        • whatsthatsound says:

          In reply, I can only say, “Poo!” and “Bah!”

          • AlphaBitch says:

            Now Whatsie…..YOU can still be “first running mate” and even President of Vice, for all I care. Hell, I’ll even campaign with/for you.

            But I’ll need to polish my crown.

            • AlphaBitch says:


              We will have to confirm your “Vice qualification”. Uh….. I mean ADONAI’S “people” will have to check those.

              Truth is, this was a good blog point, and good conversation starters on a platform. Sorry if I distracted -- I was just in need of some silliness. I’m getting ready to fill out beloved tax forms and my mind cannot accept one piece of real meaty thought quite yet. Will check back and write a more mature response when I finish. -- AB, IPofPB

            • Artist50 says:

              While you go polish your crown, can I be under the Secretary of Vice?

  8. whatsthatsound says:

    I call dibs on running mate!

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