I moved to Salt Lake City, UT for a job.  I was divorced with two young girls.  The job was great and within a year I was able to buy a twin home for the girls and me.  We were excited!  Only after we moved in did I learn that more than half of the homes had been purchased by the LDS Church.  The church is very good about seeing to their own and helping families with more than 4 children get a home.  Well, there were a lot of kids, let me tell you!  My daughters friends were those of the other two single mothers that had moved into the neighborhood at the same time as me.  We had know each other before the move.  We had lived in the same apartment complex.  Of course, we were looked at by others as if our horns were showing.  Oh well, I was going to make the best of it.

While moving in and unpacking the door bill rang.  I answered and found a man, woman, and a herd of children standing there.  He said,”I am Brother Dan and this is my wife, Sister Joan and our children, Brother, Brother, Sister, Sister, Sister, and little Sister. (He named off all the names but you can get the drift I am sure.)  We are here from the Ward to greet you and check how you will arrange your food storage.”  Uh-uh??  “You are of the faith, aren’t you?”  Un no.  “Oh, may we talk to you about our church?.”  No.  “May I ask why?”  Look, I just moved in and I am unpacking.  With a look of disgust, they left.

Another month and the door bell rang, “Hello, I am Brother and this is my wife Sister, and Sister, Sister, Sister, Brother, Brother, and little Brother.  We are here to check your food storage.”  I looked at them cascading down my steps and said, I am not of your faith!  He answered, “You are not Mormon and you live in our neighborhood?  You don’t belong to our Ward?”  Well, I didn’t know it was “your” neighborhood.  He turned and shooed his family down the stairs and away.

Another month and the door bell rang, “Hello, I am Brother and this is Sister, and Sister, Brother, Sister, Brother, Sister, Brother, and little Sister and little Brother.  We are here from the Ward to discuss the Book with you.”  Look, I am not of your faith nor do I want to be.  Could you please record that in your “Book”.  With a look that could blow you through a wall, he gathered his brew and left.

A few days later the door bell rang, “Hello, I am Bishop Price from Ward (such and such) and I would like to talk with you.”  Oh great Brother and Sister must have tattled to the main man on me.  I answered that I was about to go out.  He said, “Sally (He called me by my name!) I think it would be benefical for us to have a discussion.”  I don’t think we have ever been introduced before.  How do you know my name?  He chuckled, “Why I know a great deal, Sally, and your daughters go to the school my children attend.”  Well, I am sorry but I really don’t have the time and I don’t feel comfortable about this, so, if you don’t mind……”Perhaps it would be better if my wife and I came back later?”  I really don’t think that is necessary.  I don’t have any interest in your church.  “But,  your daughters might need…. “  I cut him off and said I don’t think so and really I have to go.  Right then the phone rang.  Sorry I have to go the phone is ringing and there is no need for you to come back and I shut the door.  Wow, these people have a lot of nerve.

And, a few days later the door bell rang.  Okay, now I have had it!  I was so sick of this and going to let them know about it!  I flung open the door and shouted, I am not Mormon!  Got that?!  Didn’t you see that big X in front of my curb?  I’m  sure they have put one there by now.  I do not have a food storage!  Well, I did just get back  from Safeway and my cabinets are full.  And, in them I have coffee and Pepsi!  But, you aren’t going to look at them!  I don’t play chess, so, I don’t know your Bishop from a Knight to a King!  I don’t have any Brothers.  I do have a Sister but she is in Missouri.  I only have two kids and the baby factory is closed!  The only Ward I belong to is Montgomery Wards and I have a credit card.  I don’t want to see your Book and I am not interested in your church.  I have my own Native American beliefs.  We worship corn!  And if you crossed my threshold you will be hit with a dead chicken!  Now do you have all that?  The lady looked at me and answered, “Yes, I think I got all that but would you still like to donate to the Heart Fund?”   OMG!  I stood there silent, finally.  She started laughing and said, “They have really been bothering you?”  Yes, and I am sorry.  “No, don’t be.  You have made my day!”  Let me get my purse and I will donate to the Heart Fund.  I pulled out a $20 and handed it to her while she was still laughing.  She said, “I can’t wait to tell my girlfriends about you!  Cross my threshold and you will be hit with a dead chicken.  That is priceless.   Thank you for the donation and the laughs.  Take care, they will give up.  But, if they should come back, please, please, use the dead chicken again!”

She left laughing all the way to her car and I crawled back into my house.   And, they never came back again.  They crossed to the other side of the street if they saw me but they never came to my door again.

This morning, living mannequin and hollow chocolate bunny model Mitt Romney made the following quote:

“I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it. I’m not concerned about the very rich, they’re doing just fine. I’m concerned about the very heart of America, the 90%, 95% of Americans right now who are struggling and I’ll continue to take that message across the nation. [...]

“You can focus on the rich, that’s not my focus. You can focus on the very poor, that’s not my focus. My focus is on middle-income Americans.”

So, to the 47 million Americans living in poverty, Mitt Romney says, “Seeya, wouldn’t wanna be-ya!” Apparently, Mitt Romney, who has spent a great deal of time bemoaning how President Obama is trying to divide the country by asking the top 1% to pay the same tax rate as those that receive a fraction of their income, has decided that pushing off our very poor people into the sea on an ice floe is bringing this country together…by waving goodbye to them.

Romney, a Mormon who claims to believe in Jesus as his savior (as well as that God lives on planet Kolub), is no doubt recalling that famous quote by Jesus, “The meek shall inherit my ass.”

Apparently, Romney believes that people who scrape by on welfare and food stamps are doing just as great as the wealthy and need no more help (though the wealthy need help with more tax breaks).  In fact, his budget and support for the Ryan budget would burden the poor with higher taxes and an increase of thousands in health care costs (until Medicare is destroyed, then they would be uninsured). He’s not unconcerned with the poor, he’s concerned they’ve got more than they ought to have!

And as for those in the Middle Class who are slipping into poverty, you better enjoy having concern come your way from Romney while you can!

In response to the recent words of this Christ-revering/poor-hating Republican (is there any other kind?), Jesus contacted The Planet and asked if we’d publish the following blog for him:

Hope you’re all having a great 2012 so far! All is great my way…taking care of business and finding a little time for fun (been playing a lot of Angry Birds with Steve Jobs).

So I wake up this morning, take a jog across the lake then chill out for a bit and I catch this clip of Mitt Romney saying that he isn’t concerned about the poor. At the same time he’s said he believes in me and my teachings. That’s kind of like saying that you’re a vegetarian but you love eating hamburgers or that you love hamburgers but eat at McDonalds. One of these things, doesn’t belong, you know what I mean?

Just to be clear, my whole raison d’etre is about love…towards your fellow human beings, not towards money, material things or the new Trojan Twister. I’ve talked about how those who are possessed by greed and dedicate their lives to it have as much chance getting onto Heaven as a camel walking through the eye of a needle…and Donald Trump paying to create a giant needle with an eye big enough to accommodate the passage of a fleet of Hummer limos with a herd of camels inside totally misses the point.

I’m pretty sure that I said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself”, not “Love only those with a median household income range between $35,000 and $75,000″.

Now, Mitt Romney has responded by saying that his point was that we have social programs for the poor and if there’s a problem with them, he would fix them, so that’s why he’s not concerned about the very poor.

That’s like saying that as long as you’ve tied your dog to the roof of your car while you’re speeding down the highway, he’s secure so no need to be concerned about him unless the rope becomes loose.

I’m no stranger to seeing someone say one thing then do something that is the exact opposite (even when you invite him to supper!) but once a contradictory truth comes out publicly, such people should just admit they don’t follow my teachings instead of acting holier than thou (which is a tough act around here).

They should be constantly grateful for the material wealth they may have the good fortune to possess and whenever thinking of it, should be think about those who don’t have comfort and wealth with care and kindness because it easily could have been the other way around. And if it was, wouldn’t they want their potential leader to care about their lives and struggles…wouldn’t they like to hear from those with power and money that there was concern and a desire to help?

Anyway, I just wanted to remind folks that when you ask yourselves, WWID (What Would I Do?), having compassion for the poor  is still at the top of the list while taking from them to give more to those better off is at the top of someone else’s “hot list.”

Peace out!

 

Bernie Madoff knows a thing or two about Free Enterprise. Once a top Wall Street investment manager, he now oversees one of the largest porn and cigarette brokerage markets in the Otisville Federal Correctional Institution.

Upon seeing the Bain-related attacks being made on Mitt Romney, Mr. Madoff felt compelled to speak out against this travesty and sent the following piece to PlanetPOV…written on several rolls of toilet paper.

A Moral Defense of Mitt Romney and Free Enterprise
by Bernie Madoff 

The first rule of Free Enterprise Club is, you don’t talk negatively about Free Enterprise Club.

The second rule of Free Enterprise Club is, YOU DON’T TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT FREE ENTERPRISE CLUB.

The third rule of Free Enterprise Club is don’t leave your dead hookers where others might trip over them.

In the movie “Wall Street”, Michael Douglas’ character Gordon Gekko said, “Greed is good.” In case you didn’t see that movie, it’s the tragic story of an idealistic believer in Free Enterprise who mentors a young man only to be cruelly betrayed by him.

In movies, tv and the news, there seems to be one type of bigotry that is still acceptable in society, anti-semi-billionaire-ism. This tragic and hateful prejudice causes hedge fund managers, bankers and corporate executives to suffer deep depressions and sometimes double dip recessions.

It is a taxing burden. Many can’t help that they’re wealthy, they were just born that way, it’s not a choice. And yet, there are those who hate them for who they are…and occasionally for who they fire, outsource and bankrupt.

Now we see the opportunistic Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry trying to win the GOP primary in South Carolina by pandering to the worst in people and its high time that those of us who have lived, worked and been indicted in the world of Free Enterprise, stand up to defend it.

Let me begin by explaining one basic truth about Free Enterprise, if you attack anyone who participates in it, you are attacking everyone who does, America, capitalism, Santa Claus, Jesus, puppies and kitties, the laughter of children and you hate our troops.

You can’t say Mitt Romney acted as a destructive, job killing, business bankrupting, pillager in his years at Bain Capital without saying you hate all businesses and all of your friends and family who get a paycheck, you just can’t.

That’s because Free Enterprise IS you and everyone you know. Each of us, even millionaires and billionaires, is simply an equal, identical part of a greater whole that is in itself infallible and should never be questioned…and that’s why we prefer it to communism.

I think I can state with some authority, each person who operates in the Free Enterprise system is necessarily a good person and should be beyond criticism or at least criminal prosecution. They are merely well intentioned and loyal soldiers for capitalism, attack one soldier and you’re attacking the entire army, their homeland and their rightful ownership of other people’s money.

Everything Mitt Romney did while he was at Bain is beyond reproach. And this can be proven if he ever chooses to let us know the details of what he did there.

Small minded people attack hedge funds, Free Enterprise and the wealthy purely because of their envy of them. When the wealthy fire them and double the workload on remaining workers, instead of cheering the wealthy for cleverly figuring out how to become wealthier, they howl, “I’m unemployed!”, “I can’t afford my mortgage!”, “I have no health insurance!”, it’s all about them, “I”, “I”, “I”.

And while they’re luxuriating on their mountains of unemployment insurance and lighting their cigars with their food stamps, they look down their noses at the wealthy and condemn them for keeping their noses to the grindstone in their private jets and working till dawn in their pool-size jacuzzis in their 15 bedroom mansions.

In America, we put a high value on our democracy. If only we could specify that value, thanks to Free Enterprise, we could sell it at a profit and re-invest in a new public offering. In fact, I think our loyal protectors of Free Enterprise are already doing that.

As citizens, our duty is to ask the important questions…of Democrats only. The best way to criticize Republicans and those in the investment world is to compliment everything they do. Unjustified compliments call attention to themselves and often cause Republicans and the wealthy to question the morality and ethics of their behavior. Criticisms instead reveal one’s envy of them and instantly disprove themselves simply by being expressed.

So, if you have an issue with Mitt Romney over his performance at Bain Capital and want him to know it, say, “Your experience at Bain will make you a great President!” and you’ll not only avoid attacking the pillars of America and Democracy but you’ll indirectly yet successfully make your point and get him to rethink his entire philosophy about life and the ethical responsibility of business in a society.

Free Enterprise is like a valuable truffle, to grow, it needs to be kept out of the sunlight and can only be sought out by pigs.

I have to go now, I made a back end deal with another inmate and though it’s not a good fit for me, it could lead to a longer life cycle for my overall operation.

There were so many worthy nominees deserving this PlanetPOV award for The Biggest Political F#%! Up of 2011, let’s just say that there are no winners, only losers and bigger losers.

Narrowing the list down to fifteen leaves out a number of viable nominees so please feel free to vote for any of these and/or nominate your own favorites (unfavorites?) in a comment below and folks are encouraged to vote for any of those by replying to that comment affirming your vote.

In any case, please vote for a maximum of five whether in the poll below or by replying to one nominated in a comment below.

Okay, here we go, in no particular order or sane rationalization, our fifteen candidates:

They may be hard bitten political figures but they too make up lists of wishes to send to Santa, in hopes that he’ll bring them what they want:

John Boehner

 ”All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my missing spine, these shoe prints cleaned off of my suit and face and a very thick and absorbent handkerchief.”

Mitt Romney

“What I would like from you St. Nicholas is a very expensive artificial tree, a more convincing fake laugh and a word that simultaneously means “yes” and “no” (“Nyep”?).

Pres. Barack Obama

“Between the GOP Presidential field and the recent Republican House fight against tax cuts, I’ve received so many wonderful gifts already from the GOP, I’d feel guilty asking Santa for anything more.”

Newt Gingrich

 ”Dear Santa, I would like (and deserve) the Presidency, an amnesia ray mounted in a satellite or the moon which could affect an entire nation and a redefinition of marriage to mean one man, one woman and one affair…at a time.”

Ron Paul

“We shouldn’t be investing wishes in a foreigner who doesn’t even live in the United States! We need to spend our wishes here! And anyway, the only fictional character I believe in is Ayn Rand.”

Michele Bachmann

“I would like an industrial sized eye drop applicator, the Patsy Cline song, “Crazy”, a mega pack of D batteries, a war with Iran that brings about End Times and a corn dog.”

Charles and David Koch

“Give us everything now, Santa, you fat fuck!”

Corporations as people

“What the Kochs said.”

Sarah Palin

“Attention…lots and lots of attention…please Santa, I’m going through withdrawals and it hurts like acid burning through my veins! Please!”

Herman Cain

“A Nine-nine-nine figure salary as a Fox commentator, a subscription to Playboy, the book “Secretary of Defense For Dummies” and smiling in slow motion becoming the coolest new trend with the kids (including that Just A Beeper kid).”

Here’s hoping Santa makes all your wishes come true!